Second shot

I did my second depot loopyron shot this morning. Good morning, tush! Here's something that will make you hot and sweaty, followed by cold and clammy! Aren't you psyched??

Eh, whatever. It is done, which means I am now on the countdown to estrogen! May 30th can't come soon enough.

I did have a treat yesterday. I was getting ready to go to Mr. P's cousin's kid's communion party. I was stressing, because I don't really have many dress clothes, because really, when do I get dressed up these days? Not too often. So I'm shopping in my closet, and come across these black dress pants that would work, if only they would fit. I try them on - and they do!! Maybe even a little big! How exciting is that? I paired it with a blouse I've haven't worn in years - it also fit! Hooray to the carry-a-22-lb-toddler-everywhere workout plan!

Other than that, things are chugging along over here. Critter was not sick this weekend, which was nice, given she's been sick every weekend since Easter. I'm not really thinking about the FET too much, but every once in a while I'll think one of two things. One: Please please please let it work!!! Two: How in the world am I going to manage pregnancy/newborn with a toddler in the mix? It scares me a bit. But I figure millions upon millions of others have done it before me, and they survived, so I guess it will be ok. Right?

Blog jinx, etc

The blog jinx cursed me again. I really should know better by now.

Wasn't I just saying in the last post the Critter was finally better? Ha! Friday afternoon - bam! Back with the fever and fussies. Thankfully it wasn't the super-high fever of a few weeks back, but still. It was enough to make the weekend totally shot. Poor Critter, 3 weeks in a row with sick.

I took her to the doc yesterday, and of course she doesn't have a fever when we are there. And of course it comes back 2 hours after the appointment. They are again chalking it up to yet another virus (Hand, Foot and Mouth virus - sounds lovely, no?). There is also the question of if she has an infection, like a UTI. We are sort of waiting to see how the next few days play out to know for sure. If virus, then the fever should go away, and she may get yet another rash. If the fever persists, then back to the doc Wednesday for the dreaded UTI catheter. Please please please let's get a rash.

With her being sick, the nap schedule thing has been iffy. Over the weekend, 2 naps. Yesterday, just one. Who knows what today will hold. Thanks to all the chimed in on nap schedules. I'd love to be able to get her to 11 am to go down. Right now, if she is having a one nap day, she is still ready for sleep by 9:30. Waaaay too early. But if we can get to 11, that will work. Maybe when she is healthy again for more than 3 days in a row we can get there.

As for me, I'm just hot flashing along. I feel like I've gained at least 5 lbs since taking the evil DL. As if the stuff could get any worse, it makes you fat too. Great. I take my second shot Monday. Joy.

And does anyone else that uses Blogger hate the new interface? Maybe it is just my hatred of technology change - just when I get used to something techy, it gets "updated" and I hate using it. Is that just me? But it never seems to work as well as the old version, I swear.

Any whyyyyy - why is Blogger not letting me have paragraphs???? Am I missing something here?? I'm putting in returns. ARGH!!

OK - edited to add - so they want to to specify in the "Options" section that hitting return means I want a line break? Really? That is not the default? REALLY Blogger? ARGH!

Randoms

The Critter seems to be better from her number illnesses of the last few weeks. She has a little rash left on her face, but it is much much better than it was. She doesn't seem bothered by it, so whew. I think we all survived. Of note this week on the Critter front is I think she is dropping her second nap. I wish she would have dropped her morning nap instead (wouldn't that make more sense??) but it is what it is. I purposely kept her up yesterday in the afternoon, and she did great. She didn't get overly fussy, and she went down so well for nighttime sleep, and slept like a rock all night. I'm not sure if every day will go as smoothly, but she seems ready to lose two naps. After we are sure this is happening, I will start trying to push her morning nap later and later. That might be the hard part, she is really ready to take her morning nap. Any suggestions, from ye olde wise interwebbies? On the me front, I am fully under the evil depot loopyron's spell. My never-ending period and her little dog Spot seem to finally have left. Gosh, I went through more panty liners than I could have ever thought. But now its just hot flashes. Lots of hot flashes. Started getting the in-the-daytime ones this week. I take the second shot in 10 days, and that will just make it all worse. Joy. I also got the results from my thyroid u/s back, and while there are no nodules, my thyroid is enlarged and hypervascular. So yeah, I got thyroid issues. I've been taking the synthroid for a little over a week, I don't notice much change from it. Ok gotta run. Critter is up. Have a good weekend!! WTF BLogger??? why is this looking like one long run-on paragraph?? Ugh. Sorry for that, I can't seem to change it.

Fifth and Sixth

The Critter is on a roll! She is rolling through the diseases of early childhood like she is getting paid for it.

Last week when she was sick, it turns out she had roseola, also known as sixth disease. As we all know, that was no fun at all, with high fever and then rash.

Well this week, she is going backwards, and now has fifth's disease. Another totally common childhood illness, but she looks like the scary clown with her bright red cheeks. How about apple-cheeked? That sounds better than scary clown.

She developed the rash yesterday. She hasn't seemed too itchy, and hasn't developed a fever either, so that is good. I've read about fifth's disease mostly as one of those scary things that can lead to miscarriage for pregnant women who have never been exposed to it. Given that neither Mr. P or I have gotten sick with either of these viruses, I think we are both immune. Whew.

Fun does not stop around here!! Let's just hope she does not continue down the list of illness and end up with Scarlet fever or measles, m'kay? Mama doesn't need that.

Lab results

I got my endo lab results back, and everything is just as expected. My TSH is still "elevated" at 3.65. Which if I weren't trying to get pregnant wouldn't even be considered elevated. But whatever, I'll take another pill. Everything else looked normal, like T3, T4. My iron stores were a touch low, but I've only been on the prenatal again for a week, so hopefully they will come up soon.

The thyroid u/s was quick too, but I have to say, strange. Strange in that I've had how many u/s in my life so far? 100s? But never on my throat. And I realized that while I'm very good at reading my lower abdomen u/s (I can count follies like a pro!) I had no idea what I was looking at on this one. So I just sat back and let him spread goo around my neck. I should get those results early next week.

Things are calming down around here, Critter-wise. She is pretty much back to normal, except for regressing back to waking once during the night for a diaper change/cuddle/sip of water. Hopefully she'll get back to being her good sleeper self soon.

We are doing the postponed Easter thing with my in-laws today. I imagine lots of candy in my future.

Have a good weekend, all!

Busy crazy week

It has been a crazy crazy week around here.

Mostly revolving around illness - the Critter's been very sick. Like 3 calls to the on-call doc on a holiday weekend, 105.5 fever and a trip to the ER, nasty rash and super-duper fussy/clingy kind of sick. Needless to say, Easter was cancelled in our world this year. She is finally, just today, acting more like herself. Slept better last night. Still has a cough, but rash/fever is all gone, and cranky almost so. Whew. And yawn.

I also finally had my appointment with the endocrinologist. Who was such a nice, funny guy. We spent an hour talking, getting my history, discussing all sorts of RE stuff, geeking out on some medical research stuff he told me about. I will get all my blood results back tomorrow, but he put me on synthroid, which I began this AM. I go back in 6 weeks for monitoring. He did feel a little bump on my thyroid, so I am getting an ultrasound on my thyroid tomorrow. I'm not too concerned about it at this point, fingers crossed its nothing.

I was in the shower that morning, and was shaving my legs. Which, to be totally honest, doesn't happen much these days. But I was thinking I was going to the doctor, so I better shave my legs. Halfway through the second leg I realized - I don't need to shave my legs for this appointment. I'm not dropping trou for this appointment. How strange is that?? I haven't been to a doctor in YEARS that I didn't drop my pants for. These IF scars, they show up in the funniest of places.

And hot flashes! They're baaaaack! Yup, less than 2 weeks in to the depot loopyron, and I'm already having the damn hot flashes. They aren't too frequent...yet. And to add insult to hot injury, I've basically had my period for the last 2 weeks. I had my normal period, and took the DL shot on CD3. I tapered to spotting, but then CD8, full-on period again. Which is a totally normal side effect of the DL, but damn! I am single-handedly keeping Kotex and Tampax in business.

Anyway, a busy week. I'm ready for life to calm down again.

15 months

Happy 15 months, my dear Critter Girl! You are officially a toddler now, there is no more crawling anywhere for you. It is so strange to look back, only a few months ago, and see you crawling around. So let's see what's gone on this month...

The Park! In addition to this being a new word for you (along with car, meaning your little toy car you ride in), the park is your favorite place. You often wake from a nap and ask, "Park?" when you see me. Yes, baby, we can go to the park. It has been a lovely, warm month, so we've been able to go to the park often. You get so excited when we arrive and you see the other kids, you visibly shake and clench your fist in happiness. You like to ride the swings, go down the slide, walk under the jungle gyms, and generally try to be a big kid. Oh, and the sticks! You find a stick and examine it closely, then carry it around with you like it is your most prized possession. Until you find a new and better stick, and discard the old one like it never even existed. Mama still won't let you anywhere near the sandbox, given your orally fixated tendencies.

Your hair! You have been a pretty bald baby for your life so far. You've always had thin, light hair, it was nothing to write home about. You always had that baby look to you because of your hair. But now your hair has gotten longer, and a little darker, so you look more like a kid, less like a baby. Granted it is still not long enough to get cut, but you definitely have hair now. Real kid hair.

I have to say, it has been a slower month for you - not a whole lot new. You keep adding new words, you are a master walker now (no drunken sailor walking for you anymore!) and you continue to delight me every day. But you develop in spurts, and this was a slow month. This month was all about being a walker, and enjoying the independence of walking.

Happy 15 months, sweet Critter Girl!

my fertile friend

Being a SAH mom, you tend to find friends who are other SAH moms. It just makes sense, you are both wrapped up in caring for your kid(s), have the same type of schedule, etc.

I realized I had no SAHM friends last year, when the Critter was about 4-5 months, and reached out on a local moms internet site. Which was great. I met a SAHM who lives only a few blocks away, with a daughter who is about 2 months younger than the Critter. We've joined crawlers play classes together, hit the park, took walks, did playdates. I met some other moms through her.

Then, she began talking about #2. And within weeks, was pregnant.

It was like a kick in the gut. I mean, I know she is much younger than me (another weird thing about being an IFer, you are often much older than all the other moms. another weird reflection post in there somewhere), and wants to have 3-4 kids. So of course her and her hubby would have sex....and there you go. This is how normal women do it. I know this.

But still. As I'm stressing about the logistics of my upcoming FET schedule, making travel and childcare arrangements, flying to the far away clinic to get my work up, injecting myself with expensive medications not covered by my insurance - all the normal IFer crapola - she is having sex with her husband. For free. Over the course of a month. And voila! She's pregnant.

It's just hard. She knows about my IF issues, and I think she is as kind as she can be about being mindful, blah,blah,blah - but I don't think there is any way it can't hurt. The situation is there, it hurts.

I try not to let it become an issue between us, but sometimes I know I'm a bit more distant. It is just my way of protecting myself, distancing myself, withdrawing. I think it has impacted us a bit. Which sucks.

It's amazing all the little (big) ways that IF impacts my life. Sure, family building is impacted. We'll likely have less kids than we would have if it had been easy, and free. But IF has impacted our ability to move to a family home (all the money spent to have the Critter and #2 - there goes the down payment!). And it impacts friendships, as seen with my fertile friend.

Sigh. Nasty bitch, that IF.

first shot

Well, I can officially say I'm back! Back on the needle, shooting up my tush with crazy-making meds!

I did my first (of two) Depot Loopyron shot this morning. What a bitch of a shot to start with, to re-introduce me to the world of injections. Honestly, it is one of the most confusing dosing systems I've seen- and I feel like I've seen a lot.

It comes all in one syringe - the medicine powder and the reconstituting liquid. Which would seem easier, no mixing, no drawing up meds into vials, etc. But I swear, it is a pain in the butt (haha, pun intended I guess!). And it has this very odd "safety cap" on the needle, but every time I've used it, I end up bending the needle. Great. Not so safe (or sterile for that matter) if I have to touch the needle to straighten it out. I'm sure I'm doing something wrong, but why should it be so complicated? Sigh. At least the injection itself didn't hurt or bleed a lot.

So now we wait. Wait for the hot flashes, the night sweats, the general feeling of losing my mind. Good times, good times.