no house

Nope, no house. Bummer.

We knew going into this that the current owner has a history of being difficult. He has turned down several offers in the past. But we were hopeful that we were offering something good. And both our realtor and his were very positive about our offer, they were hopeful that this could finally be what it takes to get this place sold.

Guess not.

I was pretty good during the negotiations about not getting too emotional. And I think me and Mr. P did a good job not getting swept up, and extending ourselves more than we agreed on beforehand. We acted rationally and negotiated to our limits, which were eventually rejected. We felt ok about it falling through, knowing we had done all we could.

But the day after it fell through, then I was pretty sad about it. Am still pretty sad about it.

Oh well. We will find something else. It just may take awhile.

Bummer.

House?

I'm here. I'm trying to get back into things on the interwebs. Life has been just so busy - good busy, but still really busy.

Now that the Critter Girl is up, standing and cruising all over the house, I just can't sit around on the computer while she plays on her playmat. Because she is not on her playmat. She is everywhere!! So fun, but, whew, so tiring!

And we are looking at moving. Which is so exciting, because our cute townhouse, which was a perfect place for me and Mr. P and the cat is now the smallest place known to man. And our storage locker is overflowing. And our garage has become storage locker #2. We need to move.

But it seems to be happening fast. Like we've been looking online (Hi, my name is Pie, and I am a Redfin addict. Hi Pie.) for over a year, and just started touring houses. And last night we found it. As Mr. P has termed it, our Forever House. When I move out of there, its to the nursing home. Or the grave. Seriously, the house is that good.

We put in an offer, and are now waiting. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, as it has a good chance of not working out. I know this in my head, but in my heart - I'm already decorating the place for Valentine's Day. Yikes.

So a lot going on here. But I miss you guys, so I will make a pledge to keep up more. Scout's honor, from a Brownie drop-out.

11 months

(I know I've been totally MIA. Everything's fine, just busy with holiday stuff and life in general. My Reader is overflowing, I swear I will get caught up soon. Really.)

OMG - only one more month til you are a year old. How can it be?? Well, happy 11 month birthday, my sweet Critter Girl!!

This has been another busy busy month of developments for you Critter Girl! So what happened?

Pulling Up! You are pulling up on every last thing these days. You don't care if it is something stable - like the coffee table - or not-so-stable - like your play rocker - you will pull up on it. With varying success, as the bruises on your forehead prove. You look like a prize fighter.

Cruising! You will move your way around the room, touching and shaking and getting into everything in your reach. A whole new level of babyproofing is going on around here. You have also let go and stood (for a few seconds) by yourself. I won't be at all surprised if you walk soon.

Language! You say Mama (or Mom-mom, or just Mom, which is funny to hear you say) and Dada correctly. You know those are our names. You know Dada's voice, and when he calls during the day to check up on you, you love to talk to him on the phone. You hear him, light up and say "Dada!!" with such delight. And I know it's not just the phone that makes you say it - you talked to a girlfriend of mine, and just looked confused that it wasn't Dada on the phone. You also say "KiCa" for the Kitty Cat. So you know the names of all the important people in your life. It is so very super sweet. You are also waving now, and can clap and shake things on demand. You have become a little language sponge.

It seems like changes in you are happening so fast these days. One minute you are lying on the floor, the next you are up and moving all around, calling out for me. I can't wait to see what the next month holds for you. And I will be busy planning your first birthday party. Surreal, and exciting too.

I love you more than I ever thought possible, my sweet Critter Girl. I am so happy to be your Mama.

Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving to all! Even you non-Americans, I hope you take a moment in your busy day today (hey, we should do this every day!) to stop and give thanks for the good in our lives.

I am thankful today, for my family, for my life where it is at right now. In years past, it was much harder to come up with things to be thankful for. Another BFN after very well-timed sex. Failing yet another IUI attempt, not sure if we should try another. Waiting to do yet another IVF in the new year. Being pregnant and not knowing that a pre-term labor scare was a few days away. These are my last several Thanksgivings.

But this year - this year there is no more waiting, no more hoping. This year I can just be totally, truly, fully thankful. And help the Sweetest of all Critter Girls enjoy her first Turkey Day feast.

I know some of you out there are still in that hard-to-find-thankful-things place, especially when it comes to family building. I hope there are many other things in your life that bring you joy, that you are thankful for. And that very soon you are able to write a list like I have above, looking back at all you went through, that you are going through now, to get to the happier place you will be then.

Thank you for the support, the good wishes, the friendship. I am thankful for this blog and the community of wonderful people that share it with me.

And make sure you eat some PIE today! At least a slice, if not a few. It's good for you, trust me. When Pie tells you to eat pie - you should listen!

sick

We are still here, but I've been sick for over a week now. Ugh, I just cant seem to kick this.

Snuffles, coughing up all sorts of colorful things, blech.

And I found out, this new job I have - there are no sick days. None. My sweet Critter Girl needs her mom, sick or not. And I really could have used a sick day last week.

Probably why I'm not better - I don't have the time to get better!

Cough, cough, snuffle.

10 months

Happy double-digits, sweet Critter Girl! You are 10 months old today!

After last month's whirlwind, this month seemed quieter. Let's see what happened:

Pulling up! It appears that you will not do a traditional crawl, but go right from army crawling (at which you are very proficient!) to pulling yourself up to standing. It's funny, you will get on your hands and knees, and look like you will crawl, but if you are wanting to move, you just go belly down, and begin army crawling. Your pulling up is getting better day by day, and you can even hold on to something - crib rails, baby gate, Mommy - and stand on your own. For a little while. We have the bruises on your head to prove it.

Class! You began your first class this month! We are taking a "crawlers" class at a local kid's gym place, and you love it! We sing songs, play guitar, clap, wave our arms and play with all sorts of new toys. Your best friend is in the class with you, but you also like checking out the new babies too. And you sleep like a rock the night after class, so Mommy loves it too.

Observing! Ok, this is something I've noticed lately, and maybe no one else would notice it, but I think you are beginning to pause and look at things before putting EVERY LAST THING in your mouth. You will look at, turn over, pass from hand to hand, even sniff, a new or favorite object (read: iPhone) before you stick it in your mouth. This is new. This is progress.

No new teeth this month. Only new food is blueberries, as a finger food. You love them, and maybe TMI, but they make your poop smell like blueberries, which is funny to me. You dressed up as a flower for Halloween, and tolerated your petal hat pretty well.

Happy 10 months, my sweet baby girl. Mommy loves you more and more and more every day.

Ahhhhhh

I had a great weekend! It was so nice - from the plane ride (which, shockingly, was smooth both ways!), to seeing my friend, to wine tasting and eating well - it was just so rejuvenating. I missed my Critter Girl, and got lots of texts and pictures of her all weekend. But the time away, it was so needed.

I came back to "work" yesterday feeling refreshed, happy and ready to go. And I think it was good for the Critter to spend time with Daddy - really with anyone that's not me. She loves me, and she loves her dad, and she had fun seeing all her "uncles" (read: Mr. P's friends that he saw over the weekend). She is better adjusted for her time away from me.

And it was good for me to remember myself a bit. It is easy as a SAHM to lose yourself, lose your adult self. It was nice to have adult conversations, have adult beverages, be an adult for awhile. To remember myself, who I was, who I am still, buried under the SAHM responsibilities. I am better adjusted for my time away from her.

Me Time allows me to be a better mom. No question about it.

Me Time

The Critter has recovered from the crappy croup. Just like the doc said, it lasted about 5 days, with 2 nights being pretty bad. She was a bit phlemy for a few extra days, but is now back to her happy self.

Of course, then I got some of the creeping crud too, in the form of a nasty cold and accompanying cold sore. Joy. And now Mr. P, who started us all of on this merry-go-round of sick, is all stuffy again. This is what having kids is all about, isn't it? Passing your cold around the house all winter.

Mr. P isn't going to have any time to lie on the couch (and bitch, the way only a man with the sniffles can do) because he goes into primary parent mode as of tomorrow morning. That is because I'm going on a trip. All by myself. For fun.

Let's let that sink in a moment.

All by myself. For fun. It's been awhile. For either of those things.

I'm going to visit a friend of mine in CA. She recently moved there and got married, so I'm going to check out her new digs and have some adult time.

Honestly, in addition to seeing my friend of course, what I'm really looking forward to is the plane ride. 4 hours to just sit. To just be. Maybe read (OMG, I had to look all over the house last night to find my beloved Kin.dle, abandoned since the Critter was born). Maybe sleep. Maybe just space out. For sure, not to take care of anyone else other than myself. I'm really looking forward to that.

And I'll admit, although I'm super-duper happy about some Me Time, I'm very nervous about missing the Critter, and her missing me. We have never been apart from each other for more than a few hours. Ever. Not since she was a frozen little blast.

I hope we both do ok.

(But still I'm excited!!! Woooooot!)

croup

Poor Critter Girl has been sick this week. She has croup, which if you've never heard of it, is an upper respiratory infection that makes her bark like a little seal pup. Which might sound cute, but is actually scary and upsetting to both of us.

We were on a walk when suddenly her voice lowered like 3 octaves. She sounded like a truck driver with a 3-pack a day habit. It was so strange, her voice sounded totally different. Then the barking began.

I slept on the floor of her room that night to listen to her breathing, and make sure things didn't get worse. Most kids are ok after a few nights, but the doc warned us to keep an ear on her breathing, because if her airway gets tight, she'll need steroids. Good thing she didn't get worse, and she didn't need the medication.

She is on the mend now, thank you deities! This was her first (of many, I'm sure!) real illness, and man, oh man - it is no fun to have a sick baby. She was very sweet throughout, even when she was upset and crying. She mostly just wanted to snuggle and be comforted by me or Daddy. I don't think either of us have gotten so many kisses in such a sort time. It's like she is saying "thank you for helping me" with all those kisses. So sweet, that girl.

damn you, gravity!

The has been a lot of head banging around here of late. And I'm not talking the Metallica version of headbanging - I mean the not-understanding-gravity-yet head banging.

With movement comes bumps, lumps, bruises and tears. We've been having a lot of all that these days. The Critter is trying to pull herself up, well sort of. At least I think that is what she is trying to do. Trying to get her legs beneath her. While bent over my legs and biting me. I don't know why getting her legs beneath her and biting go together for her, but that's what she does.

Anyway, today she found herself in a sort of kneeling position then saw her toy camera and thought "HEY! Camera! I want that!" and just lunged forward and face-planted right into the camera. Which is made of hard plastic. Ouch.

I know I need to get prepared for even more of this. I can't protect her from everything, or keep her in a bubble-wrap suit (they don't make them, I checked). She needs to learn about things, like gravity. And the benefits of putting your arms in front of you when falling. Learning these life lessons is hard. Almost as hard as plastic toy cameras.

Poor Critter Girl, with that big (well, not so big, but it seems big to mom) bruise on your head. My little headbanger. Mommy will kiss it and try to make it better, I promise. I just hope you are a quick learner.

only 4

Damn. This is only my fourth post this month. Today is the 20th (already?!??). Not so good, huh?

I don't know what's up with me. I have just not been in a bloggy mood lately. No, that's not true - I've been reading your blogs every day. But me writing on my blog? Eh, not so much.

We are doing fine here - Critter was cranky for several days after her shots, with some messed up naps and nights, but we are back to pretty-much normal now. She continues to be the light of my life, and we have fun every day. Well, the cranky days are less fun...but you get the point. We are on a pretty good routine now, and its nice. But routine does not make for interesting blog writing.

She is loving finger foods, and I now let her feed herself most of the time. She is less keen on having me feed her anyway, so it works out. But there is not much interesting to write about with finger foods - she eats what I eat most of the time, just in smaller pieces. This week included: naan bread, chicken bits, pasta, mac and cheese, veggies, fruits, bits of ground beef. All yum.

Ummm....so yeah. That's about it. Dull, huh? How are you?

Shots (and crinkle paper) suck

The Critter had her 9 month pediatrician appointment this morning. And I really think shots suck. And the Critter thinks the crinkly paper they use on the exam tables sucks too. She cries every time she is put down on it - even just to get her diaper changed. Hates that stuff.

She is now 18 lbs 9 oz, and 27.5 inches tall (long?). 50th percentile both. Head is 46cm (why go metric here? who knows), which is 75th percentile - all of these percentiles are just like she was at her 6 month check up. So she grows well, and consistently. Good job Critter Girl!

She got 3 shots today, including the flu shot. I got mine yesterday, so I know - they hurt! Poor girl, she cried of course, both from having to lie on the crinkle paper and getting the shots. She is napping now, we'll see if she ends up feeling yucky for awhile or if she can sleep it off quickly.

Is there anything worse than submitting your little baby to pain? I think not. I know it is for her benefit, but man, having to hold her down (on evil crinkle paper no less!) so they can hurt her with shots while she cries, ugh. It is the worst.

Quiet rainy day today, so we can both lay low at home, and recover from the trauma.

9 months

Can it be? 9 months old today, my sweet getting-bigger-every-day Critter Girl. It is hard to believe.

This has been an eventful month, maybe the most eventful in your little life so far. You are just growing and blossoming into such a happy, good-natured little girl.

Crawling! Finally, you move. I was seriously thinking I'd be taking you to college with you still lying and rolling on your playmat. But no, you began crawling this month. You are still mostly army crawling, keeping close to the ground. But you do get up on your knees too, it is hard to describe the less-than-graceful (but still functional) way you get around these days.

Finger foods! You love to feed yourself finger foods. And you fully appreciate the wonderful world of puffs. You know the word "puffs" and get very excited when I offer you puffs. But you eat other finger foods too, favorites being shredded cheddar and mango. I've given you large chunks of mango, that I hold on one end, and you take little bites of it with your little teeth. You are very good with those teeth. Which brings us to...

Teeth! You took a break from teething for a few months, after those two super-cute bottoms ones came in, but have made up for it this month. Your top two front teeth came in, and surprisingly, they came in without a ton of fussiness from you. Sure, much more drooling, and the chewing! But you slept well throughout, so Mommy is happy. You also have gotten the two teeth next to those top ones peeking through. So four new teeth in the span of 3 weeks! Good job Critter!! Still not sure why the come in twos, but we have stayed with that pattern for all your teeth so far.

Kissing! You have become a kissing machine! In addition to kissing Mommy and Daddy (which is the most awesome thing in the whole entire world, hands down. Ever.) you now kiss your favorite book friends. And some of your toys (with Mrs. Sock-t-pus being the top of the heap). And you also kissed another baby we had a playdate with, which melted everyone's heart. You are so sweet.

You continue to change and grow into such a happy, sweet girl, my baby. I love you so very much. Happy 9 months!

Movement and motivation

I haven't written here much about the Critter's motor skills, mostly because...well, they were non-existent.

OK, that's not fair, or true, but an athlete my girl is not. You may recall the rolling over strike she went on for 2+ months - at 4 months rolling over a few times, then not doing it again til well into her 6th month. Where she proceeded to then roll every which way, everywhere. In the span of a day.

She's very good at sitting up, has been from 6 months. That skill came very quickly, in the span of a week she went from nothing to tripod to full-on sitting up without support. I was sort of amazed. She was clearly motivated and interested in sitting up - much better vantage point on the world - and so she did it. At least that's how it seemed to me.

But other movement, say crawling? Eh, not so interested, that girl. I've been trying to find something, some toy, some game...something to motivate her to move. Nothing worked. She is classic Type B - mellow, rolls with the flow, and is generally able to entertain herself. If I take away a toy she likes and is playing with and move it across the playmat...eh, she sort of looks at it, thinks about the effort it would take to get over there, decides that's too much work, and then plays with something else closer to her. Or her hands or feet, if Mommy was smart enough to take away all the toys near her.

Until I discovered the motivator of all motivators for kids the world over - the iPhone! Specifically the BabyPlayFace app on the iPhone. OMG - it is baby crack. That Critter Girl - she WANTS her some BabyPlayFace. Bad.

And now she crawls. Seriously. Just like that. She will army crawl her way anywhere if the iPhone is at the end. She just hears the music and will look around like, "Is that BabyPlayFace? Where? I need some of that!" And off she goes.

On to all that babyproofing I thought I'd never need because my child had no interest in moving.

Finger foods

We've started finger foods. Wait, let me amend that - we've started finger foods with success. I have offered her puffs and small bits of soft fruit for awhile now, but in the last week or two, the Critter now wants to play that game.

She thinks finger foods are the coolest thing now.

Her pincer grasp has really developed - maybe that's why she likes finger foods now - so she can really pick up little things well. She still misses her mouth sometimes, or thinks she is putting the food in, but it sticks to her hand and doesn't end up in her mouth (puffs!). And about 1/3 to 1/2 ends up in her lap, but she still loves it. Fun stuff!

She has begun to not like being fed by a spoon, by me. She wants the finger foods! Which is fine for most foods, but things like oatmeal don't translate well to finger food - not without a huge mess (and very little actually in the Critter). I'm still figuring that out - how to get enough food in her while still allowing her to be an independent feeder. I'll sometime sneak in a few spoonfuls as she opens her mouth to feed herself something. She tolerates that fairly well, and I'm speedy!

New finger foods are puffs (she likes the banana Happy Baby the best, but the Plum Organics mango-sweet tater are good too), mild cheddar cheese shreds (shredded cheese is perfect for finger food!), peas, mango, pasta with butter. I'm going to offer her sweet tater, broccoli and fall fruits soon.

Feeding now takes longer for sure, so our schedule has adjusted a bit. But she just loves feeding herself, and it is fun to watch her figure it all out. Such a big girl!

Shopping

I finally did some clothes shopping! Hooray!

Now that my body is settling into its new self (although I don't think my tummy will ever be the same) I needed some new clothes. I have a bunch of stuff coming up that calls for something other than sweatpants - fancy baby shower, anniversary dinner, theater tickets - so I needed dresses.

I spent 3 hours at the store, I must have tried on 40 dresses at least. And I am pleased to report I came home with 3 dresses! Success!

And I got a few casual shirts, good with jeans for more casual date nights and other times I don't want to wear sweatpants (yeah, I wear them a lot in my mommy life). I feel all brand new! I even hit up D.SW and got some new boots to wear with my dresses.

I sorta look hot.

odds and ends

We are still here, enjoying the last few days of summer before the 8 months of winter begin. Lots of park time, swinging and playing on our blanket. Taking walks and ooohing at all the dogs we see (Critter has a thing for dogs).

We have completely recovered from the fall - the Critter much faster than me. But now, a week later, we are both totally fine. No marks on her at all, me with fading bruises. All good.

Exciting this week is that Critter Girl is getting her top two teeth. I'm not sure why her teeth come in pairs, but they do. The top left one broke through Monday, pretty uneventfully. She had been chewing on things more, but wasn't too cranky and slept really well throughout. The right one is almost through, maybe today, and again, she is a chewing machine.

Which brings me back to the woodchuck chew-on-crib-slats issue. I just couldn't fork over like $200 for those wonder bumper things, so I decided to try the breathable bumper first. Which totally didn't work. She is really too old for bumpers it turns out. Pretty much when the kid can sit up on their own, bumpers no longer work, because the kid can just pull them down. Which she did. I put them on while she was playing in her crib, and she immediately showed me that she could pull them down. And maybe off altogether if I gave her enough time. So right off they came, and I'm back at square one.

And you better believe she has chewed some paint off the crib this week, with those 2 teeth coming in. Sigh, if it doesn't kill her it will make her stronger, right? Just say yes.

Yogurt is a no-go

The Critter doesn't like yogurt. Well, it is not that she doesn't like it - she will eat a few bites.

But then she makes The Face, and it is all over. You know The Face - the Ewwww Face. Scrunched up eyes, mouth. If she could talk, she would say "Blech" in conjunction with making this face.

And while it is a yucky face, meaning she is unhappy with yogurt, it is also awfully cute. Mean Mommy, feeding that baby yogurt so I can see The Face.

We have done a few different types of yogurt - plain yogurt with her favorite fruit mixed in, then with some added sugar, and then the already-flavored stuff. None is good. We've done this for about a week, and she is less and less thrilled every day. Oh well, we'll try again in a few weeks. Or months.

In other news, thanks for all your well wishes after our fall. Critter is fully back to normal, crankiness gone. I look at the back of her head and I think I see a mark still, but it is hard to be sure. So clearly not a big bruise or anything. I'm ok too, still a touch sore, but much better this morning. And I never wear socks anymore (I was wearing socks on our carpeted stairs) and I walk like an old lady on the stairs.

We fell

It is the biggest nightmare of every new mom and mom-to-be and anyone-thinking-about-being-a-mom-someday. Or at least it is high up there on the "I sure hope that never happens to me" list. Or on the "oh shit, please never let these things happen on my watch" list.

Critter and I fell yesterday. Down some stairs. I was holding her and I slipped and we fell.

Worst. Moment. Ever.

Ever.

Long story short, we are both ok. I held on to her until I hit ass to stair, and by that point we were at the bottom of the stairs, so when she fell out of my arms (OMG!) she only tumbled like a foot and a half into the wall. She hit the moulding (baseboard?) with the back of her head. Ouch.

She began crying, howling, louder than I've ever heard. I tried to remain calm, so as not to freak the Critter out more, and I called Mr. P. Interrupted a conference call he was on, and scared the living daylights out of him and his coworker, hearing the Critter screaming on the other end. He came right home. Thank God he works 10 minutes away. By the time he got home, the Critter had calmed down and she was having her bottle, what we were coming downstairs to have in the first place. She seemed mostly ok, maybe a little sleepy, and had a lump on the back of her head.

We went to the ER, and she was seen pretty fast - it wasn't that busy. By that point she was acting pretty normal, smiling and playing. I, on the other hand, could not stop crying. I would be ok for a bit, then someone would ask a question about what happened, or about the Critter in general, and I'd choke up. I was a mess.

Critter checked out alright with the doc, and they felt they didn't even need to keep her for observation. They told us what to watch for over the next 24 hours, and sent us on our way. Got home, fed that hungry girl and put her to bed. And you better bet your ass I watched her all night long. We have a camera in her room, so I can watch her on my computer. I slept (sorta) with the computer on next to my bed, and checked to make sure she was breathing all night long.

And she was fine. She is a bit cranky today, and I gave her some Ty.len.ol which sort of helped. Her head looks great given what happened, hardly a bruise or mark, just a little one in under her hair.

Me? My ass hurts like nobody's business. I'm feeling very shaken, like I didn't do enough for my girl. I know that's silly, it was an accident, I slipped, it happens. And I protected the Critter best I could. But in my heart, I ache. My poor baby. And it was on my watch.

She was with me and she got hurt. Ugh, it feels awful.

How much wood can a....

...Critter chuck if a Critter could chuck wood?

My daughter is now a woodchuck. She is eating her crib. Ewww. And eeek, as in its not safe to eat wood and (please let it be truly) non-toxic paint. I discovered this because yesterday after she got up from her nap, I was changing her, and noticed white flecks on her chin and lips. Looked at the crib, and sure enough, bite marks and chipped paint.

She can't stand up yet, so she is not teething on the top rail of the crib. She is chewing on the side slats of the crib, laying on her side, chomping away. And if you ask omnipresent Google about teething on cribs, you will only find info on the top rail. They only sell stuff for protecting the top rail. How can this be? Is the Critter the only baby on the planet who teethes on the side slats of her crib?

So I ask you, oh wise interwebbies. What do I do? I know bumpers are evil (they just banned the sale of them in my city) so I'd prefer not to use them. And even those breathable bumpers leave a few slats exposed. I found something called Wonder Bumpers, but ouch, are they expensive. Like really expensive. And no, I don't sew (damn you, budget cut home ec!).

What to do? Help!

8 months

Critter Girl, you are 8 months old today. You are growing and becoming more sweet and fun every day, and I feel so very lucky to be the one that watches you grow.

This month, you have tried new foods including beef, yogurt and new varieties of peaches. You still love sweet potato and banana the best, but you continue to be willing to try new things. You haven't flat-out refused anything yet (other than the avocado incident way back when). Good job eating! Today begins 3 meals a day for you - that a lot of eating!

You are quite the roller these days, it is your primary mode of transportation (other than Mommy, of course). I think its funny that you choose to roll around, given how you hated rolling over for so long. Crawling seems like it will be soon, but given you went on strike with rolling over for so long, I'm not holding my breath either. You are funny with your gross motor skills, you just don't seem to want to do things unless you are really good at it. Are you practicing when I'm not watching? And now you prefer to sleep on your formerly-hated tummy. Go figure.

No new teeth this month either. Your 2 bottom teeth have really grown in, and they are super-cute. You seem to be pushing/chewing on those top gums a lot, but so far, nothing to show for it.

You are very chatty still. This month you babbled "mom" and "mama" for the first time. And while I know you are not using it to refer to me (in fact I think it has become part of your yummy-eating-noise routine, mmmmmm), it still melts my heart every time. You are babbling all the time, mama-dada-bababa is in high rotation.

I love you more every day, my sweet Critter Girl. I am so lucky to be your Mom. Happy 8 months!

Victory!

The weather has turned a touch cooler here, and it is sort of nice. I've looked into my closet, getting reacquainted with my wardrobe.

It's been 2 years since I could wear much of my wardrobe, given last year at this time I was in my 20s of pregnancy.

So I tried on a pair of pants that still didn't fit me in the Spring. Pants I used to live in, years ago.

And damn if they didn't fit! They were even a bit loose. Boooo-ya!

9 months up, 9 months down. Just about right, it seems. Now if I could only lose some of that 4-IVF-in-a-year-plus-evil-depot-loopyron weight....

Freeze

I know many moms talk about wanting to freeze their babies in time, to keep them at a certain age, at a certain stage. Many talk about wanting to freeze at that newborn stage (also known as the blob stage to me). Which I could never in a million years understand.

I really couldn't understand the desire to freeze a kid at any age. I've really been enjoying watching the Critter grow and change and get bigger and figure stuff out. It's been one of my favorite things about mommyhood, watching her grow.

Until now.

Now, the Critter is 7 and a half, almost 8 months. She is on the verge of becoming mobile, but not quite there yet. She is a happy, smiling girl that likes to see other people, but knows and loves her mama. She is sleeping well (except for when those dastardly teeth hurt her gums) and eating well. She laughs when I tickle her, or make funny noises. She is a true joy to be around.

I'm not at all ready for mobile baby. Aside from the fact our house is still not baby-proofed (read: total deathtrap), I like where she is right now. I like carrying her around, with her clinging monkey-style at my hip. I like her sitting and playing with toys on the floor, and knowing she'll be there if I skip out to pee for 30 seconds. I like her right where she is.

Can I just stop now? Freeze her here, and keep her like this forever? Please?

Mama's not ready to move on yet, Critter Girl. Slow down, just a bit (or a lot) for me, okay?

Birthmark

I don't know if I've mentioned it here, probably not because it is not on my mind much, but the Critter Girl has a birthmark on her back. It is about dime-nickel sized, a cafe au lait mark with 3 small freckles inside it. It has not changed since she was born, which I know because every time she has a bath, I check it and say, "Looks the same!"

Her pediatrician sent us to see a pediatric dermatologist 6 months ago, because I guess there can be a higher rate of malignancy in these kind of birthmarks. Maybe. So the derm she said she wanted to see us in 6 months to re-evaluate. Which happened this week.

The Critter (who now weighs in at 17 lbs 3 oz!!) was all smiles for everyone, so charming that girl. The derm looked at the mark, and said she really didn't think it was the kind that will become cancerous, but for cosmetic reasons she recommended we remove it. She said that it will likely grow with the Critter, so it will be in the same proportion on her back as it is now, as opposed to staying its current size as her back gets bigger. She said it will likely get more freckles, and could become "velvety" and possibly sprout hairs. She said it is best to do this kind of surgery between 6-12 months, when the babies are still somewhat immobile and their skin is very pliable and heals well. It would be done under general anesthesia, although she would not be intubated, it sounds more like the twilight sedation, like in an egg retrieval.

She left it up to us to make the decision of removal or not. She, of course, wanted us to do it.

I should also note that I have a birthmark, a prominent one. I have a port wine stain on my forehead, above my right eye, into my hairline. There was no treatment for post wine stains when I was growing up, so my mom kept me in bangs my entire childhood, but also told me it was no big deal. Which I still fully believe to this day. I don't wear bangs anymore, and frequently wear my hair back in a tight ponytail, birthtmark in plain sight. I honestly forget it is there most of the time. Sure, I could have it lasered off now, but my response to that is "Why?" I sort of like it, it makes me me.

The day after the derm appointment, Mr. P and I talked about what to do. We are both leaning towards not removing the Critter's mark. We are both scared to put her under sedation of general anesthesia for basically a cosmetic procedure. And as Mr. P said, "We can raise her to be a confident girl, and let her make her own decision about it when she gets older." I agreed. But kids can be cruel, and I don't want her being teased or feeling bad about something we could have removed.

Do you think we made the right choice? What say you, oh wise interwebbies?

Good weather is good

We have had a nice stretch of good weather around here this week. It has been so nice to be outside, and outside we've been.

The Critter now likes the swings, and the playground is now a favorite place. Watching big kids AND swinging on the swing? Done and done, says the Critter Girl. Her two favorite things to do.

So not much to report here - we've just been enjoying the last days of summer.

I have met another mom and her daughter, who is about 7 weeks younger than Critter girl. We have a playdate for today, and I'm happy to have found someone close by to do things with. It will be even better when the weather turns cold, and we can easily get to each other's homes to break the monotony of the indoor winters. I met her through an online "Meetup" group. Good resource for those of you looking to meet other moms. I also did a New Moms coffee at a local bakery, which was nice, but didn't result in any real connections. Oh well, it was nice to get out of the house. So we are doing a bit better on the meeting-moms front. Still not an easy thing, and it takes effort (at least for somewhat introverted me), but worth it I think.

I am also planning a weekend away in November, to visit a friend on the West Coast. Almost 3 whole days on my own, no Critter, no Mr. P (who will stay home with the Critter). I have to say, I'm looking forward to a little independence, a little me time. It gives me something to look forward to, as the days grow darker and the weather gets colder this fall.

Hope everyone has a good weekend, and you East Coasters survive Irene unscathed, if not a bit wet.

#2?

I've begun thinking about number 2. No, not poo. Although that is always a popular topic around here, the Critter's bowel functioning. No, I mean making the Critter Girl a big sister.

Honestly, it has been on my mind since AF showed up again, although we all know that she has nothing at all to do with getting a number 2. Harharhar.

As you may recall (what? you don't know all my reproductive stats off the top of your head? shame...) we have 3 more frozen euploid embabies waiting for us at the far away clinic. I know we want at least 2...so that's as far as we've thought about the remaining three. First things first, right?

So...when to transfer again? I waiver back and forth on this. And let me preface this whole thought process by saying I am in complete denial of the possibility that a FET won't work. It will work. On the first try. Yeah, yeah, I know. Just humor me.

In some ways I want to transfer around the Critter's first birthday, so they'd be 18-ish months apart. But then I think why rush? Wouldn't it be better for the Critter to be a bit older? Able to talk better, to go to preschool? More like 24-28 months apart?

It's like this - do I just suck it up now and get this whole thing (injections, transfer, pregnancy) over with sooner than later? Does it matter that much anymore that I'm getting older? I turn 39 in Feb 2012...does this matter anymore? Those blasts were made with 36 year old eggs, that's not changing. I guess it matters to my energy level, but will 6 or 9 months make a real difference?

And if we do want more than 2...should I go quicker now? Should that matter in planning number 2, thinking about a maybe number 3?

So many questions...a lot of uncertainty. What say you, wise interwebbies? I'd love to hear your thoughts on spacing, on planning number 2.

Corn and Cantaloupe

We are getting back on our routine, and it feels good. No doubt about it, I like my routines. And so does the Critter Girl. We are back on middle-of-the-country time, and sleep returned to normal last night. First night sleeping through the night in over a week, for all of us. I feel great! (I'm sure I just jinxed myself, what with the teething stuff going on, but hey, celebrate the sleep when it comes, right?)

Over the weekend Back East, the Critter had corn for the first time. Yummy, sweet, in-season-perfection corn. It was just boiled up - leftovers from our dinner - and wizzed in the food processor with some unsalted butter. I didn't even bother to strain it, she is getting better with chunkier textures so why bother? Fiber is good for her too.

Anyway, she LOVED it. Gobbled that up like nobody's business.

And then she pooped. Lots of poop, clean-out-the-innards sort of poop. Corn does its job with gusto.

Today she is going to try cantaloupe for the first time. It is also super-sweet in-season yummy, so I'm sure it will go over well. Just a chunky puree in the processor. Dessert after her oatmeal this morning.

Success!

We're back!

We had a successful trip Back East, and a successful first plane trip for the Critter. She did surprising well, especially the first leg. She was all smiles for everyone she saw, and happily drank her bottle for takeoff, played a bit then fell asleep til after we landed. Perfect. A flight attendant remarked as we got off the plane, "I didn't even realize there was a baby on this flight!" Best compliment ever.

The way back was a bit more dicey, because the Critter was not very well rested going into it. My dad only has a port-a-crib for her, which I don't think is very comfy and is not large enough for quality rolling around (as the Critter is wont to do these days), so she did not sleep very well there. She was still pretty good on the flight, ate her bottle and played a bit, but was fussy for the last 30 minutes. Of course the second we hit the tarmac, she fell asleep for the whole baggage claim, ride home part of the trip.

I was exhausted by the whole logistical feat that is traveling with a baby. The infrastructure is just huge, and it was a lot to keep track of. Bottles, bottle washing stuff, spoons, food, cereal, chew toys, regular toys, books, clothes, sleep sacks, white noise machine, ipod and travel speakers, diapers and all that comes with butt care, pacifiers...it is a lot. Whew.

But we survived. And my family behaved themselves pretty well, so at least I had minimal stress from them. Mr. P totally rose to the challenge of traveling with Critter, he was really awesome. We felt like a tag-team, ready to jump in when the other needed it. It really felt good to be on top of things like we were.

So all in all, successful first plane trip. Not that we are eager to jump back on a plane, but it is nice to know we could if we had to. Just not too soon, ok? I need a nap (or 20) first.

7 months

***We leave very early in the AM tomorrow to head Back East to see my family. Wish us luck, but know if you leave a comment (and I really hope you do! I love comments!!) I might not get chance to approve them until we are back next week.***


Wow Critter Girl, you are already 7 months old. And today, on your 7-month birthday, you will take your first plane ride. I hope you like it!

This month you got your first teeth! Finally! I feel like every month for the past several I've written about these teeth-to-be, and now they are here! You have 2 little bottom middle teeth poking out of your gums. They are slow-growing (it seems that way to Mommy at least) but fully broken through. They came as a pair, which sort of surprised me, I thought they would come one at a time. They are super-cute on you in your less-gummy smile.

And you can sit up by yourself now. You love to sit and grab on to every toy you can reach. Then throw it down to pick up another one. Or put it in your mouth, then throw it down to get another. I think you like the new, higher vantage point, you can survey your domain, your kingdom (aka your playmat). You can now take a bath in the regular tub, sitting up like a big girl.

You found the volume switch on your voice this month, and ooooh boy! You love to be loud. You will scream/yell then laugh. You think it is so funny to be loud and watch people's expressions when you split their eardrums. Secretly, Mommy thinks its funny too. You've also begun the first babbles, ya-ya-ya-ya and ha-ha-ha-ha (which is priceless, you sound like you've just hatched an evil plan and it amuses you) are the ones now. You've also said pa but not strung together in babble form. soon, I'm sure.

You can grab onto me now, so when we are walking you are like a little monkey, straddling my waist and grabbing my arms and shoulders. It is very sweet. And the hugs and slobbery open-mouthed kisses, well we all know how much I love those.

Happy 7-month birthday, my sweet Critter Girl. I love you more than these words can say.

The stomach

The Critter Girl has a love-hate relationship with her stomach. Not her internal, digestive stomach, but her outside, lying-on-it, tummy-time stomach.

While she started out loving tummy time, she grew to hate it at about 4-ish months. Right around the time she rolled over for the first few times. You'd think, great, she can now roll over, so problem of hating being on your stomach is solved, right?

Wrong. So very very wrong.

Critter, after maybe 5-6 successful flipping over from her tummy episodes, went on strike. She would no longer turn over, preferring to lying there and cry bloody murder. She would wait it out crying until someone (read: me) would flip her over. No fun for anyone.

At 6-ish months, she just started rolling both ways, as if we had not just lived through the last 2 months of tummy torture. I swear she said to me, "It soooo not a big deal, Mom. Geez, let it go!" when I stared in amazement at her rolling off her tummy without tears. She may have rolled her eyes at me too.

Which brings us to now. Her latest thing is rolling in her crib. But when she ends up on her tummy, she will often start the crying thing again. Like she is stuck, like she can't roll over, like she did not put herself in that position herself (we always put her on her back to sleep, like the Sleep Sack tells me to do). This can happen in the middle of the night sometimes, which sucks.

But now, sometimes, after the crying, or after I go in there and turn her over, now she will turn herself right back on her tummy and fall asleep. WTF, Critter? Is it torture or is it cozy?

Apparently to her, her stomach is both. See, love-hate. Sigh...is this just a preview of the teenage years? We may be in trouble.

Travels and zucchini

I'm still in swoon-over-Critter mode over here. She is just super-cute and fun these days. She has two small bottom teeth, and I think she is chewing away to get one of those top ones moving. I can't be sure though, as the Critter does not let me see her top gum line willingly. I catch glimpses when she laughs or smiles, but she is coy with that upper gumline. And her other new thing is she loves to scream/screech as loud as she can - it is like she discovered she can control the volume of her voice. And loud is fun.

I think the ear-piercingly-loud screeching practice is in preparation for her first plane ride, which will be next week. We are going Back East to see my family for 5 days. The Critter's first plane ride...I have to admit, I'm a bit scared. Mr. P says it will be karmic payback for him - as he is well known to get very aggravated and annoyed by travelling families. He is one of those business travelers that are all business, and get annoyed when others slow him down.

All I can say is, "Welcome to your new life, buddy!" He is preparing to buy drinks for everyone on the plane.

Anyone have any words of wisdom they've heard/done/read about travelling with young kids? I'll take anything I can get. We did buy her her own seat (ouch, in the wallet) so she'll be travelling in her carseat.

And on other topics - Zucchini! I sauteed up some zucchini coins in butter til they got GBD (golden, brown, delicious) and soft, then into the processor. I did them a little more chunky this time, just to see how she'd fare. She liked the zucchini, but the larger chunks she did not like. Which is ok, I'll stick to the more pureed stuff for a while longer. I never did those green beans from last week, we ended up eating them ourselves in a stir-fry. Sorry, Critter. Maybe next time.

XOXO

Note: This is a post that my still-fighting-the-good-fight IF sisters may want to skip. I would have, I totally get it.

I think the Critter Girl is learning to give hugs. And slobbery wet kisses.

Oooooh boy, it has hit me like a ton of bricks. I am her mom, and she loves me.

I know, I know...I've been her mom for awhile now. I know this. And I know she loves me, and I love her more than anything I've ever known.

But when she tries to wrap her Popeye arms around my neck and shoulders, and nuzzles into my neck or chest and holds on tight...whew! It truly takes my breath away. And it hits me like nothing so far has - she is mine, my daughter, my little girl. I'm her mom.

Wow. Just wow.

I never knew such a feeling. Such love that it makes you cry. Not like this. It's overwhelming (I may have cried a tear when she hugged me once) and wonderful and....just breath-taking.

It has taken me 6 months to wipe away these last IF scars, to truly open my heart all the way. That sounds bad, like I didn't love her before - which is not true, not what I mean. I don't know how to really explain it...to find the right words. I just feel more open than I have in a very long while. Healed. Not forgotten, but healed.

Her hugs, her slobbery kisses on my cheek, they have changed me for good, for the good, and forever.

Library Paste, revisited

As I alluded to at the end of the last post, butter makes things better. Butter and cinnamon make them even better than better.

The Critter loves her CoW, and honestly, so do I. Most days that she eats it, I eat it with her. I do add a touch of salt to mine, but otherwise we're eating the same yummy, comforting CoW.

So I thought, if butter and cinnamon can make CoW better, what about those baby cereals that I have sitting around, waiting to be used. As you may recall, I've likened these made-for-baby cereals to library paste, and I stand by that claim.

But if you doctor it up with some butter and a pinch or two of fresh cinnamon, well, they are not too bad. Admittedly, I've only tried this with the oatmeal cereal so far. But it was edible in my opinion (and yes, I try everything the Critter eats) and she really liked it too. So we can add another food to her list, and it is easier and faster to prepare than the CoW.

Spinach went so-so. She ate it mixed with other things, but it backed her up some - maybe the iron? Who knows. This week we are trying green beans. I've pretty much lost my fear of major allergic reactions with her, she has done well with wheat, a touch of dairy (butter) and meat. More dairy, like yogurt might be on our horizon.

Teething Bites

Oooooooh boy! Teething...its rough. Poor little Critter Girl, she is having a tough go of it. We've been watching this lump on her lower gum for months now, and she has been drooly, chewy little girl. But otherwise happy.

In the last week, things have turned from happy to not so much. Cranky, confused, profusely drooly. She will have moments of happy then suddenly she's crying. Very out of character for her.

And then we saw it. The lump on her gums now has a pearly white line - the tooth just beneath the gum. So close, but so far away too.

It has been days. Every day I expect to see that tooth above the gum line, and it does seem to get more clear every day. It feels hard and sharp when we put our finger on it or she chomps on our fingers. But it is still not fully broken through. Ouchy ouch ouch. It is taking it's sweet, painful time.

Poor little girl. And her poor little gums.

P.S. - Cream of wheat (COW) is good. COW with butter is even better. COW with butter and cinnamon is the bestest thing ever! Just so you know...

Spinach and Farina

I have made progress in meeting some other moms. I found a group online, through Meetup.com that seems ok. I may try to meet 3 other moms at a local farmers market next week, when it is not so damn hot. I'll keep y'all posted...

New foods for this week are spinach and farina aka cream of wheat. I'm not so sure how any of this is gonna go. The spinach was not the sweeter baby spinach (the grocery didn't have any - grrr) so its just normal, big-leaf spinach. I washed it really well, then just put the still-wet-from-washing spinach in a hot, dry fry pan til it wilted. Then into the food processor with some of the leftover cooking liquid, and ta-da! It is a beautiful dark green, but a touch bitter. Yummy for mom, I'm not sure what the Critter will think. I think we'll go 1 part spinach and 3 parts apple/pear/sweet tater. And hope for the best.

And farina! I'm excited to see if she will eat this - given her dislike for the baby cereals thus far. I got just normal-people farina (also know as cream of wheat - but in my Italian upbringing world, it is always farina) made by Bob's Red Mill. Yum. We'll make enough for the both of us and eat it together for lunch today. I hope she likes it.

Other than that, things are going well over here. It's hot as hell, which has put a damper on our outdoor time. Hopefully it will cool back down by the weekend, fingers crossed. The Critter is working on sitting up on her own. She is still tippy turtle, but she is getting better. She is also beginning to show some stranger anxiety, it is not all the time, but sometimes she clings to me for dear life when presented with new people. Especially new, loud, in-her-face people. I cling to her too with those people, lol.

Meeting Moms

Chicken went pretty well. I think I need to puree it longer in the processor, it was a little too chunky. The Critter ate it, but she also pushed more out too. I mixed it with apples and it was really tasty. I thought so at least!

I've been reading in other people's blogs recently about the need for connecting with other moms, and I've been feeling this too. Being a SAHM, I spend the majority of my day with the Critter, which is much fun, but not very intellectually stimulating. While she is a chatty girl, my conversations with her are pretty basic, mostly saying "Mamamama" or blowing raspberries. Fun, but not too challenging, ya know?

In our daily walks, we see many other strollers, but it seems like most of the kids are older and being pushed by nannies. There are a lot of nannies around here. And we're all walking, so what would I do anyway - chase after someone to introduce myself?

So I've begun researching mommy groups in my area. I'm a bit wary of this, as you all well know, I'm not a girl's girl. Never have been. I'm not generally comfortable in large groups of women. But I feel the need for connection these days, so maybe it will be better. I dunno.

How else to connect with others in the SAHM world? How have you met new people in your life?

Broccoli and chicken

The hangover has ceased, and I'm back to normal. Well, as normal as I get. :)

The Critter food diaries continue, and this week will be broccoli. And chicken too! She's already had broccoli a few times, and it went well. I mixed it with sweet taters and/or apples, so it tasted less vegetal, and she liked it. Gobbled it down in fact.

At our peds visit last week, the doc encouraged us to begin upping the amount of food per feeding, and begin to add feedings. We had been doing 2-3 oz once a day. Now she is taking 4 oz twice a day. We'll work up to 3 feedings a day.

We'll begin adding protein this week too - chicken breast! I poached a chicken breast in water, then into the food processor with some of the poaching liquid, and viola! I plan to mix it with apples. I'll let you know how it goes.

I was saying to Mr. P last night, I'm really liking the ice cube tray food - I can serve her more like a real meal, with different flavors as opposed to opening a jar of one thing. Each cube is 1 oz, so she can have mixes, which I do a lot of, or 2 courses - veg then fruit dessert.

I'll let you know how chicken goes.

Self-inflicted ouch

My good friend got married this weekend, and it was a par-tay. Fun fun fun and I finally had my drink, a drink I have not had in...geez, like 18, 20 months? The most delicious of all drinks: Jack and Coke. Because of the caffeine in the Coke, I have not had this since giving up caffeine for my ODWU at the far-away clinic. Which was in August 2009. And then of course, no alcohol with being pregnant and BFing. Long long time.

And boy oh boy, was it tasty. So very tasty that I had several. Mmmmmmm!

But Sunday morning came awfully early. And loudly. I had already planned for Mr. P to get up with the Critter, so I could sleep in. But ouch. Its been a long long time since I felt so rough. Apparently alcohol has not changed in the last 18 months, and drinking multiple Jack-n-Cokes will still give you a hangover. Ouch.

Ah well, it was worth it. But I am not 22 anymore (hell, I'm not even 32 anymore!) and this is not something I can do often. But it was fun while it lasted!!

6 months!

My sweet Critter Girl, you are 6 months old today. I just cannot believe I've only known you 6 months, and I'm amazed how much you've changed my life in that short amount of time.

You are now 15 lbs, 5 oz and 25.5 inches long. Both at the 50th percentile, so you are proportional, says the doctor. Your head though is huge, in the 75-90th percentile. Giant noggin for those big brains I guess!

The biggest achievement of the last month is food! Mommy's been making you all sorts of Deliciousness, and you have become a very good eater. You totally get the whole eating from a spoon thing now, and eagerly await your next bite. Your favorites are nanas and pears, but you'll never turn down a pea/sweet tater mash.

You are also beginning to sit up on your own. You can tripod yourself and have even sat up while holding a toy for several seconds before toppling to your side. You like to practice this new skill, and I envision you crawling in the coming months.

You are also learning how to move all around your crib. Daddy and I have found you at all sorts of odd angles and positions on your crib these days. And we've seen you sleeping on your side a few times, which is super-cute.

Still no teeth! You still chew on your teethers like they are gonna disappear if you don't, but no teeth to show for all that work. We have to keep bibs on you 24/7 so we don't all drown in all the drool. Maybe this month they will arrive? Who knows at this point.

This is you first half-birthday, which will become an important and celebrated event in future years. As someone who has her real birthday so close to Xmas, you need a day far from the holidays that is your own. I look forward to making cookies with you on future half-birthdays, because cookies are what you eat on half-birthdays. This year though, no cookies for you, so just know that Daddy and I love you very much.

Happy first Half-birthday, my sweet Critter Girl!

Girl knows her Daddy, part 2 (and pears)

A rough 24 hours around here. Yawn.

Mr. P went out of town in the wee hours yesterday morning, before the Critter woke up. He comes back late tonight, after the Critter goes to bed. So in her world 2 days without Daddy.

And she is none too happy about it, let me tell you.

How does she know?? Last night she cried like I've never seen before. She was shaking so hard, so beet red, face so scrunched up, I thought she would implode. And this went on-and-off (but mostly on) until 11:30pm. She was put down at 7pm. OMG, this has NEVER happened before. It's stressful to listen to a wailing baby. And of course she was up at her usual 6:45am. Yawn.

Daddy is a huge part of her going-to-bed routine. And even if he doesn't put her to bed, as long as she sees him that day, things seem to be ok. But no Daddy, things no good. Ugh.

On a happier note, she LOVES pears. I peeled and cored some very ripe pears, put them in a saucepan with a tiny bit of water (although I think they were juicy enough that they didn't even need the water) for 4-ish minutes, then whirred them in the processor. I added too much of the cooking liquid, so it was a little thinner than I would have liked, but the Critter Girl did not mind. She slurped those things down like there was no tomorrow. On par with her love for nanas, if not higher. LOVE. And I think they will play nice with other things, like apples or sweet taters. So add another food to the list of Critter yumminess.

Now, off to rest my eyes. Yawn.

The Suburbs

We had a very nice weekend. No plans made it so we could kind of go with the flow, do what we wanted when the mood struck. We met my MIL and SIL for breakfast on Saturday so they could get their Critter fix. We took walks, cooked dinners. On Monday, we went to the 'burbs to visit some friends, although the wife, who I really was looking forward to seeing (and is an MD) was on call and stuck at the hospital all day. But we still had fun at their house, playing with their 2 boys and walking around their neighborhood.

And we began looking at some houses out there. Yes, we are thinking very seriously about leaving the city, and moving to the 'burbs. We've been thinking about it for awhile, and we don't plan to seriously consider doing it until next spring/summer, but I think the decision has been made.

I like living in the city, but when you add a Critter to the mix, it becomes increasingly expensive. Sure, it's fine now...but when she starts school? Expensive. And our 2-bed townhouse, which has been good for us, is beginning to feel claustrophobic. And to move to something bigger in the city? Super-expensive. And if we are lucky enough to have Critter sibling, things get ultra-super-expensive.

I like the idea of the Critter Girl running in grass, rather than on sidewalks and in parking lots or small playgrounds. I grew up in the burbs (not here, but still a suburb of another city) and it was nice. To be able to ride bikes, play with neighborhood friends, just run around. And Mr. P, he grew up in the city, a very urban environment. And he does not have fond memories of that. He was mugged a few times as a teen - really robbed for his Walkman or wallet. But still. He likes the idea of the Critter having a more peaceful location to grow up.

So predictably, we will have kid(s) and move to the burbs. As a girl who has lived in various cities for the last 17 years, and with a husband who has never lived outside a city, this is a big deal. But I think we're ready.

Apples

I gave up on avocado. I know I'm supposed to introduce new foods several times before giving up, but...well avocados are gross. See? This is how a palate is cultivated, parents picking and choosing what kids are exposed to. So it is probably not wise of me to stop avocados, but....they're just so yucky! Very adult of me, I know.

Onward and upward to apples!

I bought 4 Gala apples, peeled, cored and chopped them up. Into the saucepan with a few tablespoons of water, and covered them. Boiled them for a few minutes, then into the food processor with some of the cooking water. Wizz, wizz, wizz, and presto! Apple puree! Froze in my favorite ice cube trays, saving 2 oz for that evening's meal.

I chose not to add cinnamon at this point, just for the purity of the food trial. But I plan to add it in the future, it is allegedly very good for you (and tasty too!).

The Critter was surprised by apples. She was unsure if she liked them or not. She would eat some, then say no (which consists of slamming her mouth shut and blowing raspberries at me), then open wide again. When it was all said and done, she ate about 1.5 oz of the 2 I had prepared. So not bad. We'll try again today.

We are planning a quiet weekend at home. Mr. P is working from home today, and we'll maybe go to the 'burbs to visit some friends Monday. Other than that, no solid plans. Which is nice.

Hope you all have a safe and happy 4th of July (and non-USAers, a happy weekend!).

Avocado

So the banana troubles passed quickly. One day off the nana train, and the poop train was back on the tracks. So now we know, all nanas all the time, not such a good idea. Nanas in moderation, as with all the good things in life.

We tried avocado yesterday. As I said before, I do not care for avocados that much. Maybe if dressed up (read: disguised) as guac its ok. But plain avocado? Yuck. So I mashed up a ripe avocado half for the Critter, and tasted it. Still yuck. But I figured, hey, people like this (unlike baby rice library paste) so I fed some to the Critter.

The face she made was priceless. It closely resembled the face I made when I tried it 2 minutes earlier. Yuck.

I saved some for Mr. p to try, to make sure it wasn't just a bad avocado. Nope, that's the way avocado tastes, he said. Yuck, replied me and the Critter. My theory holds true, if Mommy likes it, the Critter generally does too. If Mommy thinks yuck, so does the Critter. And no, the Critter does not see or hear me saying yuck, she comes by her yuck honestly.

So we ate peas instead. Totally not yuck. Yum! Apples and pears to come.

The Dark Side of Nanas

Before we go to the dark side, just to document, my Auntie has come for a real visit. Last time I was merely crying wolf, just spotting a tiny bit. But this, this is the real deal. My first need for the green tampons since late January 2010. It's been awhile. It's funny, when I began with full flow, I thought to myself, "Well, that is a real flow. Almost like what a fertile person would have. Maybe..." and then I fell off my chair laughing. Because we all know flow does not a fertile make. But it seems like it would, sorta, right? Hahahahahaha.

Anyway, the Critter feeding diaries continue. While she loves her bananas, they on the other hand, do not care for her so much. We did the standard three day new food trial, so she ate banana for three evenings. That was too much nana. Now she is ummm...backed up. She actually had her first solid poop yesterday, two of them in fact. Like it could roll right out of the diaper. (Sorry if this is TMI, I don't know what it is about new parents' obsession about poop, but we just can't help it. My friend says we all become shitologists. True that.)

And last night, she refused her peas and sweet taters. Which is new. I think she is feeling backed up, and the food doesn't help. So we might start the prune juice thing again today if she doesn't improve. Poor girl.

BaNananananas!!

The weekend was non-eventful. I saw my parents Friday afternoon, where the Critter cried any time she was held by my dad. It was pretty funny actually, everyone else was ok, but seeing him - all tears.

He came back Sunday afternoon for a quick visit, and the Critter was all smiles to him, so he was happy. That was it - two quick visits, no horridness. We have made plans to go Back East in August and see them and my mom. Not going to think about that yet, it is just overwhelming to consider the first airplane ride, etc.

So let's talk BANANAS instead. The Critter LOVESLOVESLOVES bananas. Oh my, she is so happy when eating bananas. She makes actual yummy noises. She opens her mouth so wide, so the person feeding her will not miss. She barely dribbles.

And what a perfect baby food - just take ripe 'nanas (they need to be mostly brown-speckled, no under-ripe 'nanas please!), mash them up with a fork, and voila! They become the perfect textured mush for babies. It will be a good travel food, easy through security.

And we did our first combo, of sweet tater and peas yesterday, and that went over very well. She is become really good at this eating thing. Today will be avocado. I'm not a huge fan of avocado, but I think she'll dig it. We'll see.

It has been so much fun feeding her. I am really loving it. Trying new foods, watching her expression when she tries a new flavor or texture, it is just so precious. It really is so much fun.

They're baaack!

Yup. They are returning.

My father and step-mother are visiting this weekend. Joy.

In case you forgot the disaster that was the last time they were here, here's a quick recap: My dad called me fat, and Mr. P an incompetent parent, and my step-mom called the Critter deformed.

So it was really fun! Not.

Anyway, they are back in town for a visit this weekend, and I'm try to be positive about it. They are actually coming in town for a meeting my dad needs to attend, so I may only see him once or twice. And I'm hoping that means seeing my step-mom only those times too.

Ugh, it is just so hard. I'm conflicted. I really want them to see the Critter, and spend time with her, and get to know her some, but at the same time, I want to protect us all from the narcissism that is my dad and step-mom.

Wish us all luck. We'll need it.

A Palate

So let's talk food. A favorite topic of mine. I love to cook, eat, plan meals, and generally geek out about food and dining. It has been a dealbreaker for me in relationships - I dated a Midwestern farm boy once that only ate beige food. Chicken with gravy, rice, potatoes, vanilla ice cream. Oh, and well-cooked red (now grey) meat. It made me crazy, because he was hesitant to try colored things, like vegetables. It ended up being a dealbreaker for me - how could I be with someone who wasn't into trying all my cooking? Who didn't want to go get pho, or ethiopian, or any other "weird ethnic food." Or even just a nice salad somewhere? It was a no-go for me.

When I began thinking about solid foods for the Critter, I knew I would try to make most of her food myself. I cook for Mr. P and me pretty much every day, why not add something for her too?

So after the library paste, errr, I mean baby cereal, debacle, I said to myself, if it does not taste good to me, why do I expect her to like it? A palate is born, but it is also cultivated. Expose her to good-tasting things, and a wide variety of things, and she will not expect things to taste processed or bland or overcooked.

I've made her sweet potatoes, which went over pretty well, and last night we tried peas. I just blanched the frozen peas, whirred them up in my food processor and strained the skins out. I thinned them out with a little cooking water. Nothing else, no salt, no fat. Just peas and water.

She LOVED them! They were bright green, as opposed to that overcooked, grey stuff they label as peas in baby food jars. They were sweet and yummy (yes, I ate some too - like a fresh spring pea soup!). And she gobbled those things up.

I know not everyone has the time I do as a SAHM to make baby food. But in 15 minutes, I made enough for her for at least a week. Freeze in ice cube trays, and it becomes just as easy as opening a jar.

It is really important to me to cultivate a good palate in that Critter Girl. I know there will be times she wants chicken nuggets (but hopefully she'll prefer the ones I make!) and pizza, and that's ok. Sometimes I want those things too. But I also crave fruit and veggies, and I hope she will too.

I missed it again!

Damn, I totally suck at marking milestones.

I saw Mel's post today and I thought, "Oh shit! I forgot my blogoversary again!"

So two years ago, earlier this month, I started this blog. TWO years! Amazing to me I'm still here writing. Clearly where I was two years ago is miles, eons, light years away from where I am now.

But it is good to remember and reflect. Two years ago I has just failed my second IVF. I was taking a break. I was researching other clinics. I was putting myself on the road to getting the Critter Girl.

And now, here I am, goal reached. I have to say, I'm so happy to have chronicled the journey, the many ups and downs. I wonder if someday I'll show this blog to the Critter Girl. Show her all that her mom and her dad went through to get her, how hard it was at the low points, how happy we were (and are!) with the results. How funny to think she could be a reader here at some point.

Most of all, though, this blog has allowed me to "meet" and get to know many other lovely people who happen to be on the same path as me. All the support you guys and gals have shown me, on this little old blog, it really means so much. I know my journey's path has changed, and I'm glad for all of you that have come along with me as I navigate new waters.

I hope in another two years I'll be reminiscing again here. Marking the passage of time, and marveling at the twists and turns of life.

Stuffs

Ok, so I've caught up on being home from vacation, and now have some time to say hi y'all!

Hi y'all!

I think I've caught up on everyone's blogs since I've been back - but if I missed commenting, I'm sorry. I promise I'll be back on track this week.

So around here, things continue to plug along. The Critter Girl is just blossoming into a fully interactive little girl. It is really amazing, in the past few weeks, it seems like a little light switched on in her head. She finally got the concept of being spoon-fed, and now eats like a champ. This took her a few weeks, and a week off from feeding solids altogether, but now she is opening her mouth and leaning towards the spoon, eager for her next bite. She is taking out and putting back her own pacifier, which is so cute to watch. And she is chomping on her new teething ring (one of those razzie things) like it's her job. She is much more interested in books, and is starting to show preferences for some over others. OMG, she has opinions! The first of many I'm sure. And her laughter, oh my! The belly laughs from this girl, wow. They are just too much cuteness.

I'm doing ok too, we did finally wean her from all boob at about 4.5 months. My boobs are still leaking a bit - good lord, its been almost a month since anyone ate from them! But they were always over-eager, and still like to drip here and there. I've also noticed that I'm not hot all the time anymore, and have ummm...wetness back. Down there wetness. Along with a whisper of a sex drive. Clearly estrogen is again running through my veins, and I could not be happier. I do sort of miss the BFing a bit (I bet you never thought you'd hear that from me!), but we still snuggle when she eats her bottles, especially in the morning and at night. All these bottles to wash, it makes just whipping out the boob seem like a nice thing. But it is so nice to be able to eat what I want (hello tomato sauce that gave the Critter crankies), drink what I want (hello icy cold Corona on a warm summer day).

I've also begun dieting to lose some of this 4 IVFs + 1 FET + 1 pregnancy + 2 months of depot loopyron weight. We will see how that goes, as I'm not much for dieting. I eat pretty well most of the time, but need to watch portion size more. And get my butt moving some more. Walking with the Critter has been good, but I need to get back to weights and harder cardio. Wish me luck, I'll need it!!

Oh, anyone here try that P90X thing? Thoughts? Opinions?

Have a good week, all!

5 months old (plus a week!)

Little Critter Girl, you turned 5 months old last week. We began our first family vacation celebrating this big day.

You began eating...well, trying to eat, solid food this month. You resoundingly hated all cereals I offered, and honestly, I can't blame you. Gross. You liked sweet potatoes much better, and as long as the texture is thin enough, you like those taters. Still, you end up wearing more than you eat, but it is sweet to watch you learn about using a spoon and swallowing textured things.

You were also weaned totally off the boob this month. We had you down to 2 feeds a day, and you just seemed hungry all the time. So we made the switch, and you are a happy girl. Full and happy. I'm convinced your weight gain will be big at next month's peds appointment.

Teeth, where are you? You are a drooling, chomping-on-anything baby right now. I see a little lump in your gums, but so far, no teeth to show through. Keep chomping on that teething ring (your favorite new toy) and they will come. Sooner than later I hope, for the sake of that poor teething ring.

You have become super-chatty over the last month too. You've always been a chatty girl, but wow, it is all the time now. We have many meaningful conversations, and you tell a hilarious story.

We started you on a new nap schedule, and you are a much happier girl because of it. You go to sleep without complaint these days, and Mommy loves the new-found free time. Keep up the good sleepy work!

You are growing like a weed, and seem more and more like a little person, less like a baby. Your laughter and smiles are constant (unless there is poo!) and Daddy and I love to play and laugh with you. You are our little Gummy Bear, and we love you.

I'm here - really!

Sorry for the radio silence - I've been on a week's vacation with the Critter and the birthday boy Mr. P. We were up at a quiet lakehouse, and had a great week just hanging out, swimming and relaxing.

I meant to post that I was leaving last week, but getting everything together for a little baby is a monumental task, and I just plain ran out of energy and/or time to post here.

Ooops.

I owe y'all (and me!) some posts, more to come this weekend.

Library Paste

Do they even have that any more? Library paste? Or is it all barcodes and scanners these days? Sigh...

Well anyway, just so you know, rice cereal tastes (and looks) like library paste. It is gross. Trust me, I tasted it. So has the Critter, and she thinks so too.

I've mixed it with breastmilk, with formula, thick, thin, every which way. It does not matter, it is all library paste. Blech.

We began giving the Critter Girl library paste, err, I mean rice cereal last week. She thought it was very strange, this whole spoon-fed thing. But she was interested. After the novelty has worn off though, she is clearly not happy with eating library paste. She opens her mouth wide for the first bite, then gets a taste of that nasty stuff, and spits it out and cries. Poor girl, with such a mean mommy that feeds her library paste.

So we made the switch this week to oatmeal cereal. Which I discovered is not real oatmeal, but a special cereal made for babies. Which closely resembles library paste. Let's call it oatmeal-scented library paste.

It goes over a little bit better, but she is still not thrilled. So I have to ask, what is the deal with this whole baby cereal thing? Do other babies actually like this stuff? Do they eat it willingly? Is my Critter Girl just finicky? Not ready to eat solids? Or does she have her mother's sensitive palate and thinks this stuff is gross (because it is!!)?

I think I might just make her some sweet potatoes. Stuff that tastes good, and is real food that real people eat, and see if she'll eat that.

Because library paste is gross.

I love you, Dr. W

Napping. It's been an on-and-off, good-and-not-so-good thing with the Critter. She sometimes napped well, other times, not so much. Once she began sleeping through the night, the naps got crappier but hey, she was sleeping from 8pm-7am, so who was I to complain??

Well, that all changed a few weeks ago. Her sleep became a bit more erratic at night. Waking super-early (5am is not morning. It is late night.), or having trouble going to sleep at night. And naps went down to 20-30 minutes. Not good.

And the fits. Oooh boy, that Critter Girl had some major meltdowns over the last few weeks, for no good reason. Almost every day. Not good.

So, I started to think, we need to get on the nap program much better than we have been. She's at 4 months now, I think she is ready for a nap schedule, the same way she was ready for a nighttime schedule a few months back.

I picked up the Healthy Sleep book by Dr. Weiss.bluth again. This book has been sitting on my coffee table for months, skimmed but never really read. I don't know why, but I had such trouble reading this book in my sleep-deprived new mommy state. But now, it is like the Gods from Sleep Heaven speaking directly to me.

Seriously, this book has changed my (and the Critter's!) life. Within 2 days of doing what he says in the 5-12 months chapter, I have a sweet little girl again. She now takes 3 naps a day, for no less than 45 minutes at a shot. And usually at least one nap is 1.5 hours long!! OMG! I can shower, and clean up around the house and post here! I have time to do it!! And when she wakes up, she is happy and rested. It is truly amazing how quickly the difference came about.

Granted, the Critter Girl is by nature a pretty good sleeper, a pretty mild-tempered baby. But seriously peoples, if you are having sleep issues, read this book.

Thank you Dr. W. You have changed our lives!

Writer's Block

I know, I know. I've hardly posted this month. I'm not sure what's going on with me, maybe it's writer's block.

It's not like I don't have things going on. Heck, with a 4 and a half month old, there is always something going on.

But lately, I've just not been in the writing mood. You know how it usually is, writing blog posts in my head, thinking about what to post, how to phrase things. Feeling the need to get things off my chest, to document, to share.

But lately, meh. I'm not feeling like writing. Nothing about posting passing through my mind while I'm in the shower. I'm just lathering, rinsing, repeating in there.

I dunno. I'm hoping it will change, that I'll get the spark back. Maybe I need to force myself a bit, foster the spark. I have been keeping up with all y'all, that has not changed. I'm just feeling quiet I guess? I dunno. It is weird.

Stuffs

The weekend with my mom went fairly well. A bit of a disaster on Saturday, which frankly, I don't even feel like rehashing here, suffice to say I was annoyed Saturday night, and Sunday was good. We had my mom, her boyfriend (??? such an odd title for him, they've been together for 20 years), my brother, SIL and niece over for dinner. My mom cam e early to hang with the Critter, and it was good, She fed her a bottle, and they smiled and laughed together. It was nice.

The weather was warm (hooray!) so we grilled, and everything turned out really well. I love that, when a new meal comes together so nicely. We made the lamb recipe from the new Bon Appet.it mag (the Gwyneth issue), along with the cucumber salad - all very good. If you like lamb, give it a try. So all in all a good weekend, aside from some early drama. Good weekend, I'm just gonna stick with that.

As for my Auntie who I thought was visiting me last week, well, I'm not so sure what's going on down there. Thank you to everyone who commented on their AF visits post-partum. It sounds like things vary person to person. As for me, I still just have super-light spotting, not every day, for the last week. It's weird. I'm not really too worried about it, its not like I need these parts of my body to work anymore.

Other than those fun tidbits, life is just moving along here. Taking long walks with the Critter when its warm, hitting the gym when its not. She's still not rolling over, she is so-so-so close, but just won't do it. Well, she did it twice last week, but not again. Who knows, I think she may be a touch lazy. Unlike anyone I know in this house (cough, cough). :)

Long lost relative?

Is it her? Could it be?

I think Aunt Flo is thinking of knocking on my cervix, and coming to stay for a few days.

To all you breastfeeding ladies out there, when did you get AF back after birth? Were you still Bfing? Did it affect your milk output? I'm still BFing 3 times a day, and it seems to be going well still. I was hoping to keep it up for about another month or so, but is my body telling me otherwise?

I had spotting yesterday, bright red spotting. It totally took me by surprise. It has been so long since AF came to town, since Jan 2010. Well, not counting the lochia-post-partum fun. I had to see if I even had tampons in the house.

But things have slowed, and no spotting this morning. Is this normal? Was that a period? I think not, but who the hell knows, in this post-partum new world for my body. Anything could be possible at this point, given all the weird body experiences I've had in the past year.

So I'm asking you, oh wise internets. What the hell is going on here? Share your stories about AF after birth and breastfeeding.

ho-hum

We're still here. Nothing of much interest is going on...nothing much of interest to post about. Which is sort of nice.

Last week the weather was warm, so me and the Critter Girl got out for walks every day. And she got sunglasses, and she tolerates them! I'm really surprised, she doesn't touch them, or try to rip them off (like she does with hats, which apparently are evil). And the funniest part, and best part from a mom's point of view, is she seems to think the world gets suddenly, inexplicably, dark, and goes to sleep. Perfect.

Of course, then it was 40* and rainy all weekend, so no more sunglasses. Hopefully it will warm up again soon.

My mom is coming to town this weekend. I'm hopeful it will go better than when my dad and stepmom came a few weeks back. Geez, it can't get much worse, right?

That's about it. Ho-hum boring around here. Which I'm loving.

Tough Day

Poor little Critter Girl. Yesterday was a tough day. The day before that was not much fun either.

Monday she had her 4 month check-up and shots. Check-up was fine (although she cried a lot when the doc tried to examine her) but the shots! Ugh, they are awful. Her little thighs are all bruised.

And yesterday she had her first fever. While this is normal after getting shots, she didn't have this at her 2 month shots, so I wasn't fully expecting it. Poor little girl, she was so tired all day yesterday, she honestly slept most of the day. But after I gave her Tyl.en.ol, she would perk up a bit. She did smile at me throughout, feeling sick or not, which was super-sweet.

Today is much better, she is back to herself. But it totally broke my heart, to see her feeling sick. Her first time sick. I need to get used to this I guess. She will get sick again, so they tell me. I sure hope not.

4 months old

Wow! 4 months old today, Critter Girl! You endured your 4-month checkup and shots yesterday, and we are both glad it's over. You cried a lot, and your thighs are bruised from the shots. But you are all smiles this morning, so I think you (and Mommy too) will be ok.

You weigh 13 lbs 4.5 oz now, and have moved down to the 50%ile for weight. No longer the chunky monkey! You are 24.5 inches (2 feet tall!) which is 75%ile, and head circumference also at 75%ile. Growing well, little girl! Keep up the good work.

These days you are a chatty little girl. You have found your voice over the last month, and you like to chat with Mommy. We take turns talking, and you like to talk loudly! Your favorite sounds are "aaah-gooo!" and "oooh-aaah!" which I'm sure both mean "I love Mommy!"

You are thisclose to being able to roll over. You have figured out the lower half but aren't quite sure how to get your upper half to move too. It is so cute watching you figure it out, and you make new progress most days.

Everything is in your mouth these days. You love to take everything and anything, grab it and try to put it in your wide-open mouth. You get very frustrated (along with really cute complaining noises) when you can't fit large toys - the size of your head! - in your mouth. You look at me like, "Why?? Why won't it fit??" It makes me laugh, and feel bad for you too. You want it in your mouth so badly. You also love to play "Zombie Baby" with Daddy and me, trying to eat our fingers. You've been chomping down with your gums more, which makes me wonder if teeth are close.

You began really laughing this month, and it is the sweetest thing. We get lots of smiles every day, it is the brightest part of any day. Who needs caffeine when I have your bright gummy smile to give me a jolt?

We love you, little Critter Girl! Happy 4 months!!

Mother's Day

Oh, Mother's Day. You are such a strange holiday to me now. You symbolize so much to me, you are the marker of many different things in my life, all rolled up into one Spring day.

For many years, for most of my life really, Mother's Day was about my mom. About doing something nice for her, like making her a card when I was young, or cooking her dinner in my teenage years, to just a few years back sending her a plant she still has (go green thumb Mom!). It was about honoring and thanking her, a giving holiday.

Then I tried to become a mom. And Mother's Day became the hated holiday, the painful, gloating holiday that rubbed in my face all the things I desperately wanted but could not easily have. It became a jealous, envious, sad holiday.

Last year on Mother's Day I had my first beta (side rant here - WTF is any IVF clinic in their right mind having people doing first betas on Mother's Day?? I mean really, don't they know how loaded this day already is for IFers? Such a bad idea...). Luckily, thankfully, happily for me, I found out for sure I had a chance, my best chance yet, of becoming a mom. That Mother's Day became about hope, about lights at the end of long, dark tunnels.

And today? Today is my first official Mother's Day as a mom myself. I feel like I've won a big prize, I've won the medal after years of loss. Mother's Day now is a reflective holiday, one that makes me look back and really acknowledge the battle of becoming a mom. It's a happy day, sure, but more so, it is a day of reflection. Looking back on my life, at my mom, at my struggles to become a mom, at my friends who are still struggling, and most importantly at my daughter.

The circle of life, all rolled up into one Spring day.

More Puddles

Here are some more things that leave my heart in a giant puddle on the floor (the orally fixated edition):

~ The Critter's yawns. First off, I sniff her yawns - is that weird? I also do this to my cat, I just love her tuna-y breath. Anyway, the Critter's has milky sweet yawns and I just love them! And I get to see her gums (see below) and the sound she makes when she yawns, oooh! It's the most innocent, sweet sort of gaspy, sighy sort of noise. I will occasionally hear her on the monitor do a yawn, ans it breaks my heart every time.

~ The Critter's gums. Oh my lord, how in the world is there anything cuter than this girl's gums? I know, it sounds weird, but seeing her little pink horseshoe gum line is just the sweetest thing in the world. And maybe I love them so much because I get to really see them when she yawns (see above) and when she laughs and smiles (see below). But they are so cute just on their own too. Love my little gummy bear!

~ A baby's laughter. I know, it should say the Critter's laughter specifically, but really, I just love to hear any baby laugh. Yes, I have been known to watch You.Tube videos of babies laughing (and cute cats too) for many hours of wasted time. And the Critter does not disappoint. You can't help but laugh right along with her. And given I will do just about any crazy movement or silly sound to get her to laugh, it is a good stress release for both of us.

Big Day

Today was a big day.

I left the Critter Girl with strangers for the first time today.

OK, I just read that, and it sounds like I just dropped her at the bus stop with some randoms or something. No! I mean that I used the daycare at my gym today for the first time. Which feels like a very big deal.

The Critter and I have been attending classes together, like Mommy&Me yoga and Infant Massage. Which has been fun, and a good way to begin getting my post-partum fat ass moving again. But hitting the gym, where I spent a lot of time prior to getting pregnant, has not been done. My gym is great, they have everything you could want, it's more than a gym really. And they have daycare.

Yes, I have been apart from the Critter before. Mr. P and I had a date night a few weeks back, and I've been on my own for appointments to the doctor, dentist and hair colorist. But all of those times, she's been with family, either Mr. P or my MIL. Leaving her with people I don't know - that's a big thing.

So last week when we were there for Infant Massage, I got the Critter Girl registered (she got her own gym membership card! how cute!) and toured the daycare. They have a special room for the infants/pre-walkers and only take 6 kids at once. Seemed relaxed and nice. So I worked up the courage and signed the Critter up for an hour.

I'll admit it here - I was nervous. I had anxiety dreams last night about leaving her. Even if it was only for an hour, and even if I'd still be in the same building as her. And they could contact me with one of those buzzers that buzz, like when your table's ready at a busy chain restaurant. But I was still nervous.

When I dropped her off, I sort of got a little choked up. Seriously. I'm standing there in my work-out clothes, all ready to go, but not wanting to leave her. I think the ladies that work there thought I was nuts. But I was a big girl, took a deep breath and left her. I did my elliptical, and did a good long stretch (does anyone else's hips hurt like hell after childbirth? ouch.) And I may have gone back a few minutes early to get the Critter Girl.

And you know what? She was fine. Totally fine. Hung out and napped in the swing they have, had her diaper changed and was playing with one of the ladies. Happy as a clam. I think she may have done better than me.

Big day. Especially for Mommy.

One Year Ago

One year ago today, I was in a very different place. I was hopeful, doubtful, excited and scared. I was doing everything I could, like eating well, injecting myself and patching myself up with all sorts of meds, doing acupuncture, working out, destressing as much as I could.

One year ago today, I was at the far-away clinic. Mr. P and I talked about the what ifs, the maybes, the we hopes. We thought about Plan B while we hoped for Plan A.

One year ago today, I saw the Critter for the first time. She was just a thawed Day 5 4BB blast then, her image projected up on the wall of the transfer room. I thought she was a he.

One year ago today, the Critter and I became one for awhile. She was transferred into my ute, and thankfully she snuggled in tight, for the long 39 week haul.

One year ago today, although I didn't know it for sure at the time, I became a mom, and my life changed forever.

One year ago today. It is a day I'll never take for granted and surely a day I'll never forget.

Never again

Why do I do it? Why????

I will never ever never say things are going well again. Never. I promise.

The Critter Girl apparently reads this blog too, and she must have laughed her evil laugh (I've never heard it personally, but she must have, right?) and said, "We'll see about knocking on wood!"

She has been up at 3am the last two nights. She has really not done this before, not since she began sleeping through the night. Two nights ago, she was fussing, then crying. I changed her diaper, tried to put her back down, but she was having none of it. 4 oz. of formula settled her down, but she needed Daddy to finally get her back to sleep. Last night, she was much less fussy, just sort of chatting to herself in her crib. I let her do that for awhile, but it went on and on. Just a quick diaper change by Daddy settled her right down. I'm hoping tonight we go back to sleeping all the way through. We'll see.

And in unrelated bitching, when, oh when will it ever stop raining??? Ugh, this spring (what spring?) has been awful, and I'm over it. I am ready for sunshine and warmth. I am ready to take the Critter out in the stroller without fully bundling both of us up to our eyeballs. I am ready to wear short sleeves. Please.

Knock, knock

I'm knocking on wood. Lots of it. Keep on knocking. In fact, why don't you knock a few times for me? At least while you're reading this. Thanks.

Things are going pretty well around here. We've found our happy medium with feeding, the Critter has been a great over-night and fair nap sleeper, and she is now laughing. It's really good stuff.

The Critter Girl is 15 weeks old today.

She is holding up her own head pretty well. She is making all sorts of funny noises. She smiles all the time, and the laughs are just priceless. We're able to get out of the house more, crappy weather notwithstanding (where the hell is spring, btw???). We're finding our routine, and it feels good.

Things are good. Keep on knocking.