Back in the saddle again

It's on!

I have officially injected myself with fancy-pharmacy lupron - twice! And I have sticky goo tummy courtesy of my first estrogen patch! We are moving forward, peoples!

I slept like a rock last night, thank you very much, sweet lovely estrogen. Not a hot flash at all today. Hooray and hallelujah I survived the depot loopyron hell. Fingers and toes crossed for the last time in my life, please please please.

And injecting myself daily - granted with the little baby lupron needles in my well-padded tummy fat, but still- I tell ya, it's like riding a bike. Like I never was away. I do it first thing in the morning, before I get the Critter out of her crib. She was chatting away in there this morning, so I'm drawing up meds as she rambles on the monitor. Such a funny, odd place to be - injecting myself while listening to my daughter. Weird.

I continue with acu, and today I had the Mayan massage, where she spent a lot of time working on my tummy, low back, hips. It was heavenly. Although at one point she was massaging around my c-section scar, and there was like a sharp pain/popping sort of feeling which made me jump. It stopped as soon as it started, and she said it was likely some scar tissue loosening or breaking up. Interesting. And I fell asleep during acu, the electo-stim kind! Yeah, I was relaxed after that massage, only to be woken up by the sound of my own snoring. Ha!

So only a few weeks til the FET. I'm still surprised it is already here. All appendages will stay crossed until well after beta. OMG, a 2ww. Or 9 day wait. Whatever. Gotta toughen up for that.

Last minute scramble

I will preface this post that will include loads of bitching and moaning by saying I do take responsibility for not checking up on this sooner than today. But still...

I begin taking my meds for FET tomorrow. So today I dig out my FET calendar from my nurse, and check the big box of meds I got a few months back. And quickly realize, I have no regular lupron. I took the depot loopyron, but there is no regular stuff in my box o' meds. Shit.

So I call and email my nurse, and while I'm waiting to hear back from her, call a local pharmacy that generally has IF meds in stock. They have one box left. Great. This should work out just fine.

But noooo, the far away clinic can't use any ole loopyron. Oh no. They have to use special fancy only from one pharmacy loopyron. Why? I have no idea. I don't remember this from a few years ago, am I just blocking it out? Maybe.

Anyway, I get on the phone with this other fancy-pants pharmacy and they will send the special lopyron so I get it tomorrow. Fine. Crisis averted.

But good thing I checked today, right? I know me from 2 years ago, the Before The Critter me, would have been on this months or at least weeks ago. New, tired, busy-chasing-a-toddler me? I'm proud of myself for catching it today, rather than tomorrow as I'm ready to inject. Oh well. Yet another tale of the value of being responsible for your own care and your own best advocate. I just wish someone more responsible than me was on it too.

Reading

In my ongoing effort to recreate all aspects of my life leading up to the FET of the Critter 2-ish years ago, I have begun reading again. I used to be an avid reader, Before The Critter (BTC). I never went anywhere without my Kind.le and could easily go through a book in a week. Easy.

But since the Critter's been here, I have not touched my Kind.le once. No, that's not true. I did search high and low for it, found it, dusted it off and recharged it when I took that trip to visit a friend in CA in November. Not that I used it once on that trip, or since, but I did touch it a few times back then.

So again, last week I searched high and low, found it, dusted it off (geez, is my house dusty!) and recharged it. And this time, I read something!!

When the Critter was born, I had just started reading Mel's book "Life From Scratch" which I think had recently come out back then. I got about 25 pages in, and boom! Critter arrives.

I think at the time I thought I'd get back to it in an a month or two. Ha. So, here we are...16 months later. I am finally feeling ready to read again. I have the focus, the attention span, the brain power to put towards things other than caring for the Critter and running our house. And superstitious me wants to be sure to read like I was doing BTC.

I have to say, it feels good. Great, even.

I plowed through her whole book in a few days, and what a treat! A perfect first book back, not too heavy, chick-lit sort of thing, and with cooking to boot. Read it, if you haven't yet.

I'm ready to start book two - and thought I'd ask all you literate interwebbies what you've read and liked lately. And by lately I mean in the last 16 months or so. I might be ready for something more substantial this time around, but am open to all suggestions. A good book is a good book, after all. Leave me a comment, let me know what you've been reading.

Reflections after acu

I went back to acupuncture for the first time in eons today. It was a bit weird going back there, back to a place I hadn't been since Before The Critter (BTC). I remembered it was a nice spring that year, BTC, and being in the parking lot there, enjoying the sun before an appointment. And going to their lovely office, with the nice views of the city, and trying so hard to calm the f*ck down and focus on my uterus.

Back again. It does feel different this time - I still love love love acu, that's for sure. I don't know what it is about those needles, but my body just hums and feels good afterwards.

But its different from BTC, because now, I'm just tired, and find myself just zoning out during the treatment. Or I'm thinking about what I need to do with the Critter this week. I found myself needing to pull my thoughts away from her, not from the stress of wanting her.

Such a different place to be.

I keep trying to do what I did last time, so I get the same great result, like last time, BTC. I wonder if not being as stressed about this will help or hurt me. I mean, I know in my rational head that's silly, it shouldn't matter. But in my superstitious brain, I'm wondering. Should I feel more stressed? Should I try to be more like then, like BTC?

Nah, that's dumb. Enjoy the non-stress now, it will creep in soon, I'm sure.

Trip It frenzy

I have been using this new app on my phone called Trip It. It is very handy for organizing all trip related info, like reservation numbers, flight times, even maps and directions, for travel plans you have. Very handy. I can also see Mr. P's travel info when he travels for work. Easy Peasy to use. Highly recommend to anyone that travels often.

And of course I have an upcoming trip to the far away clinic. Like waaaaay in the future. Eons and eons and light years away.

Trip It reminded me today that in fact my trip to the far away clinic for FET is 36 days away. Thirty six. 3 and 6. 36.

EEEEEEK! How can that be? How???

So I promptly got my ass in gear, and looked at all I need to do between now and then. Get back on the acupuncture program (made my first appointment for next week). Stop being a boozer (honestly, if I've had more than 3 drinks in the last month, I'd be surprised, but still). Stop even the decaf/chocolate stuff (I haven't touched real caffeine since August 2009, for my first ODWU).

What else?? What else am I supposed to do here? I have been in a serious state of denial that this is happening. Sure, I'm a hot flashing crazy mess, but that's what you do for months BEFORE you do the real stuff. Yeah, I'm back on blessed estrogen 2 weeks from today. FET prep starts 2 weeks from today.

This is happening peoples. What else do I need to do to get ready?

Oh yeah. Relax. Sure, right, I'll get right on that.

16 months (and a couple days)

Oh Critter Girl! Mommy forgot to post about your 16th month birthday. I didn't forget the day itself, and did wish you a happy day on the 10th, but still. Mommy's mind is slipping. That's my only excuse.

Anyway, let's see what went on this month!

Sick! Good lordie girl, this was the month of sick. You had ever virus under the sun. One after the other. You were not always your cheerful self, but who could blame you? Fevers, rashes, stuffies - you had it all. I know you need to be exposed to these illnesses, you need to build up immunity so you are not sick all the time hen you start school, but wow. All in a month? Let's space it out more next time, ok?

Baby Signing Time!! OMG, you suddenly LOVE you some BST. I've showed it to you off and on for months with mixed results, but suddenly this month, you are captivated. You had already picked up a few signs from me, and honestly, you speak most of the words you are learning signs for, but you still love love love to watch "Baby". Which you ask for by saying and signing baby. It is so cute. I really think you just like the songs and seeing lots of pictures of kids and babies. We've gotten 4 of the videos, I think #2 might be your favorite. For now.

Climbing up! You've gotten much better at climbing up stairs. At home, at the park. You are much better at this. You still are unsure about this whole down the stairs stuff, and need help and reminding to step down. But up? You got it down pat.

Happy 16th months, sweetest of all Critter Girls! I love you so very truly much.

Plans change, crazy continues

I finally emailed my far away nurse back, the day after my last post. Said it was fine to have Dr. G do the transfer. Kept telling myself it was ok, over and over until I believed it.

Yesterday I got another email from my nurse. Dr. Famous has changed his plans again, and will now be there on my scheduled transfer day! As my nurse said, stay tuned.

Other than that, the DL crazies continue. I was thinking it seems like my hot flashes are less this time - maybe not less frequency, but they feel less intense? - but the crazy is certainly worse. I wonder why that is? No sign of a period, so it is clearly working, but it is strange how the side effects vary.

Anyway...that's about all. I continue to be a raving lunatic for 3-ish more weeks. Oh joy. Never have I wanted sticky patch goo on my tummy more.

Crazy switch

I got an email from my far away nurse today. It turns out that Dr. Famous will not be in the office on the day of my scheduled transfer. Taking a vacation day I guess. She asked me if it would be ok if another doc (Dr. G) did my transfer instead.

Normally, I do not care about these sort of things. I will see anyone in a practice, and understand that is how medical practices work. I even think Dr. G may have done one of my retrievals. So it's not like I don't know him.

But, geez. I'm feeling really weird about it. Superstitious. Like I want to do every last thing the same as last time, for fear it will not turn out the same. Like somehow it will matter who puts my ice baby back inside me.

I haven't responded yet to her. I am scared to say ok. What the hell? What is wrong with me?

(ummm...I'll tell you what is wrong with me - well, one of the things wrong with me - is the damn damn damn evil-as-all-hell depot loopyron. Good lord, since taking that second shot I've become a total nutcase. Mood swings? check. Irritable? you betcha. Overreacting to minor things? oh yeah. Total mess. Poor Mr. P. I even snapped at the Critter. She looked at me like, "What what that all about?" Yeah, not good.)

Am I being crazy about this? How would you, non-crazy-from-faux-menopause peoples, feel?