And so it begins...again

Got my positive OPK on Xmas eve. Got my more official calendar on Sunday. Ordered my meds this morning.

I'd say, it's officially ON!

To bring y'all up to date (and considering you are not in my head, and since I haven't been posting at all, how else would you know??), this is what I am hoping is my last stim cycle. IVF number 4. A freeze-all cycle. This is also a new protocol for me, an estrogen priming protocol. An antagonist protocol, which is also new for me. We're hoping to get 1 or 2 more blasts, to add to our frozen blast family of Chilly Willy and Frozen Frannie. Who are genetically normal 3BB blasts. And will be transferred this spring after 2 months of depot lu.pron to treat a protein deficiency in my lining.

I'm feeling ready, I think it really helps me mentally to know this is the last time I'll be doing this. Hopefully forever. I am not fan of stims, they really make me feel like crapola - I feel my ovaries like 4 days into stims, they ache with every step. So while I'm hoping for a better stim response this time, I dread the full-of-eggs feeling. But I just keep thinking, "It's the last time, you can get through this" and I feel better.

I've made some of my travel plans to get to the far away clinic. I'm flying this time - driving in January is not an option. Booked a car, and am comparing rates for the hotel I liked last time. Will book everything by the end of the week. This is really happening!

But in an effort to stay present, I have NYE to contend with first. Mr. P & I have hosted friends for NYE for the past 5-ish years. In the past, I've cooked formal dinners - like prime rib, whole tenderloins. This year, not so much. We're going casual, pasta and homemade meatballs. So today, after the gym, it's to the grocery store, and then making lots and lots of meatballs. Very therapeutic I think.

It's getting exciting...here we go again!

Yes, I'm still here!

I know, I know, I've been MIA.

It's actually been sorta nice. I've been living life, getting ready for the holidays, working out, seeing friends, spending QT with Mr. P and the Umps. I have been kinda keeping up with y'all, but not as obsessively as I was a few months back. I'm trying to lose the obsessive IF behaviors I seemed to acquire over the last year. And so far, so good.

But, just as my zen state takes hold, the roller coaster is beginning its tick-tick-tick up the first big hill. IVF #4 is underway. Well, sort of. Not on any meds yet, but this new protocol (estrogen priming) has me testing for LH in this cycle, the pre-stim cycle. I'm on CD 13 today, and had a very faint test line yesterday, so maybe a positive today. Or from Santa on Xmas Day. As of now, it looks like I'll be at the far-away clinic for monitoring and ER in mid- to late-January.

I wish everyone a Merry Christmas, a Happy Holiday, or a Nice Day, depending on your proclivities. Enjoy all the blessings you find in your life right now, and I hope all the blessings you wish for come to you quickly.

Back to snow

I'm back, somewhat unwillingly. We had a great vacation. It was seamless - no delayed flights, luggage all showed up, lovely room. We mostly hung out by the pool or beach, being brought drinks and snacks all day. So nice. We also took a boat trip to snorkel and swim, which was also much fun. And I even kept up my workout schedule! Other than missing my cat, I did not want to return. To snow this morning, and more to come later this week. Bah.

I have to say, I did not think at all about IF the whole week. On the flight home, Mr. P asked me about the upcoming schedule, and I wasn't sure. Can you believe it?? I am not really sure when AF is expected. It has been YEARS since I don't know by heart all the details of my cycle.

It's nice. I'm gonna keep it going, and have AF's arrival be a surprise this month. I'm keeping with the idea of living my life, and not letting IF take over everything again. I think as an IF veteran at this point, I need to have distance from some of this obsessing. Which I certainly was doing for awhile there. As I start to cycle again in January, I'm sure it will ramp up again, but for now, I'm hanging back. Living my life.