Surprise!

37 weeks, 5 days. Yay!

We went to the OB on Tuesday, and all is well. My cervix is holding steady, I'm still at "1 and 1" which is great! We also did a non-stress test (NST) on the critter, which given my age, is standard at 37 weeks. Basically, they did the same monitoring we did when I was in the hospital for pre-term labor. 2 belly monitors, one to measure the critter's heartbeat, and one to measure contractions. We were on the monitor for about 30 minutes, and the time flew. I could listen to that critter all day long. She did very well, had the acceleration and decclerations in her heart rate like they wanted. So she is doing well, which is nice to know. We might actually make it to the scheduled c-section at 39 weeks. Amazing! (Wait, did I just jinx myself??)

So this is the final of my three posts reflecting on my experience with pregnancy. Today, the surprises.

1. Hair, hair, everywhere! OR How I became a hairy primate. Let me preface this by saying I'm not a hairy person normally. My body hair is light colored and fine. No hairy arms or legs or whatever here. But with pregnancy, I've become an ape. Mostly on my torso. My belly began sprouting dark hairs, fairly long, dark hairs (I know, ewwww!) around the 2nd tri. I've had to wax my belly twice so far, which thank the lord, does not hurt at all. But it is just odd. I hope this is not a lasting thing, and when the hormones even out, I'll go back to my normal non-hairy self.

2. Weird skin growths. I'll admit, I'm a sort of mole-y person. I have some Italian blood in me, and have olive skin. I have small freckle-like moles around my body. "Angel kisses" my great-aunt called them. But with pregnancy, it has changed. Existing moles have gotten much darker. But more concerning and strange, they have multiplied. I am literally covered with moles over my upper torso and back. They sprouted up out of nowhere, and they are everywhere!! Even on my now really dark-chocolate colored boobs. Moles on my boobs, what the hell?? I've also got so many skin tags. I can barely shave my underarms for all the skin tags there. I have been dreaming of when I finally get to visit my derm in a few months to get this craziness taken care of.

3. Crappy maternity clothing. Damn, considering so many women need maternity clothes, you'd think it'd be easier to find decent clothes. Not so much. Pretty much everything is only available online, or sold at Motherhood or Pea in the Pod stores. That's it, those are your options. Brutal. Either so expensive you can't justify spending $200 on jeans you'll only wear for 4 months (Pea in the Pod) or crappy quality that falls apart after 3 washes (Motherhood). The Gap has been my best option, but that's not saying much. I've had the most trouble with pants. I ended up wearing many of my non-maternity sweatpants or workout pants, worn below my belly. I'm just glad I don't have to dress up for work and can get away with workout wear most days. There is a huge market opportunity here. (And I know many of you have used ebay, but I just can't do used clothes. not for me.)

I pretty much expected the rest of the craziness, like the flatulence, the burping, the moistness down there. And like I've said, I've had it pretty easy. But if you see some pregnant, mole-covered simian wearing sweatpants, yeah, that's me.

The bad

37 weeks, 3 days. :)

In continuing my posts of the good, the bad and the surprising ugly of this pregnancy (check out yesterday for the good), today is the bad.

I will preface this post of the bad side of pregnancy by saying I don't think I had a very hard pregnancy. I wasn't sick for months on end, I did not have gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, or other major chronic medical issues. The critter appears healthy. So overall, I'm pretty happy with the way things have gone so far.

Buuuuut...well, some things have been sort of sucky. It's true, and I'm not gonna sugar-coat it for you. So here we go, my top 3 bad parts of being pregnant.

1. Bedrest. Ok, this isn't a pregnancy symptom, but I was only on bedrest because I was pregnant. So it counts. And truly, bedrest sucks big time. I was on bedrest twice during this pregnancy. First time, from 7 to 12-ish weeks, after bleeding from a sub-chorionic hemorrhage (SCH). Scary as all hell. Bedrest in the first tri was not as bad, I was so tired from first tri fatigue anyway, and so scared to lose the critter, I was happy to stay home. The second time was following pre-term labor, from 33 to 36 weeks. Third tri bedrest sucks big time. I was big and uncomfortable lying down, and had the nesting instinct in full force. But I could not do anything, and it was an exercise in frustration, crankiness and boredom. Hated it. And I will also note, I was on "modified" bedrest, so I was at home, able to get up to go to the bathroom, and shower. I do not know how women survive on strict bedrest, or who are hospitalized. I take my hat off to you, it must suck even more.

2. The heat I radiate. Hot damn, it has been a hot 9+ months. I was never a warm person before, I was always the one who needed an extra layer and a scarf. Not these days. We have kept the house cooler, and Mr. P will be in full flannel PJs, slippers, and a robe, while I'm in a thin t-shirt and shorts. It is not like being on the evil Depot Lupron, with hot flashes, this is more like a constant smolder. Being pregnant in the summer sucks, and of course, this summer and fall were one of the warmest on record here. Ugh. I miss feeling chilled. And don't get me started on the sweating. I'm like a greased pig.

3. Sleeping on my side. Or should I say, sleeping in weird positions. God, how I miss sleeping on my back. I began training myself to sleep on my side around 12 weeks, and got a huge u-shaped body pillow to support me. While I highly recommend a body pillow, it still sucks to sleep in an unnatural position. And sleeping on my side while pregnant hurts the hell out of my hips. I am woken up not only to pee 100 times a night, but also by my aching hips. If only I could sleep on my back for a bit, ease the pressure on my hips. It is one of the top things I often think of when I think "Only 2 more weeks til I can..."

So those are my top three bad things. Sure, I had some minor heartburn, but not too bad or frequent (the good side of a breech baby). Yeah, my feet and legs are swollen, but it doesn't really hurt or bother me much. My balance sucks, and getting up from a reclining or sitting position can be a very interesting endeavor, but it is sort of funny too. Mr. P calls me Tippy Turtle. So I can't really complain.

The surprising things to come....

My favorite things

No, this is not Op.rah, and no, you are not getting a bunch of free stuff. Stop screaming.

37 weeks, 2 days (!!!)

Yes, I have reached what's considered full-term. If you had asked me when I was in pre-term labor at 33 weeks if I'd still be pregnant today, I would have said "no way." Another big milestone, check it off the list! Hooray for my cervix!

I've been busy doing last-minute baby prep these days, with lots of help from Mr. P, as I'm huge and swollen (yup, within 3 days off bedrest, my feet are like over-stuffed sausages again) and just huge. But we got the mural decal thing up on the nursery wall, washed the last of the baby stuff, put things away in their proper places. We are ready, I think. Well, as ready as we can be.

I've found myself reflecting on being pregnant a lot recently. I remember a year ago (and pretty much for the last several years before that!) I wondered, "What will it be like? What will it feel like? How will my body respond?" And of course, given my open dislike and mistrust of those fertile-oriented pregnancy books, I did not really believe my experience would be like they told me it would be.

So, for posterity's sake (because this is my diary/journal, even though I share it with you lovely interweb folks) I wanted to write down my favorite pregnancy things, my least favorite, and the surprises. Over a few posts. So today, my top 3 favorites.

1. My belly. I have loved my growing belly. I loved it when it was a fat pooch, I loved it when it began to round out, and I still love it in its huge glory right now. I am one of those people, I am forever touching my belly. I just love it, am in awe of it, and so happy and grateful to have it. It is tangible proof of my body, for once, doing something it should. It amazes me, and I love it. Things may not be so good when there is no more baby in it and it is still huge, and with a c-section scar, but I love it now.

2. Movement. LOVE to feel the critter bouncing around. And I really love learning about her patterns. It is the first time I can get to know her, and I just love that. The connection, the bond, the knowledge of her. Movement is just so cool. She doesn't move a ton, not like some people describe at least, but she does have patterns of wiggles, punches and spastic jolts. Not flips though, she likes being breech!

3. Cravings. As someone who loves to eat, I have really been amazed and mostly enjoyed the food cravings I've had throughout the pregnancy. I did have the queasies during the first tri, but never threw up, never couldn't eat. And after that, I've had a pretty good appetite, and cravings for odd things. I think this has been the pregnancy of ground meat. Hamburgers, I've sampled every kind. Beefy-cheesy-mac, I've perfected my recipe. Lamb kofta, always on the menu. Dairy, of all kinds, has also been a favorite. I've always liked dairy, but now I'm obsessed with milk and yogurt and cheese. Yum! And spicy food - I can't get enough! I've never been a huge spicy food person, but now, it's hot sauce on everything. More peppers over here! Now we'll just have to see what kind of palette the critter has, given all the foods I've exposed her to so far.

So that's the top 3 pregnancy favorites, stay tuned for the not-so-favorites, and the surprises of pregnancy.

My extra 7 lbs

36 weeks, 4 days.

The extra 7 lbs, 5oz (give or take) I'm carrying around looks like this on me:




Even my maternity shirt barely fits. Whew, that's a whole lotta baby in there.

EDITED to add: Yes, I have gained more than 7+lbs during this pregnancy, but I don't count the pounds that aren't critter-pounds. Not good for my psyche. Trust me, it's a lot.

Decision made

36 weeks, 3 days.

The OB appointment went pretty much as expected yesterday. The appointment was with my least favorite doc in the OB practice I go to. She is very rushed, almost manic. Drives me crazy.

Anyway, my cervix remains unchanged, which is good news. I've been released from bedrest!!! WHOOOO-HOOOO! Very very very excited about that, if you couldn't guess. My scary-looking toes are getting a pedicure today!

We did the u/s, and the critter is still breech - no surprise there. I can tell exactly where her head is these days, under my left rib cage. She is complete breech, which means butt down and feet sort of crossed in front of her. And she is still measuring big, almost 2 weeks ahead. She is estimated to weigh 7lbs, 5oz, which is closer to what a 38 week baby weighs. Big girl!! She is pretty much proportional, but her head is maybe a smidge bigger. So big baby, big noggin. She seems happy as a clam in there.

We met with the manic OB after the u/s and she basically left it up to us whether to try the version next week. So we weighed the facts: she is big (but not 9lbs big), she has been breech the whole pregnancy, the procedure has about 50% chance of working, even if we turn her she may be too big by the time I go into labor to get that big noggin through my pelvis.

So we opted to not do the version. Mr. P and I just felt it wasn't worth putting the critter through the stress (or me through it) (or Mr. P through it) of doing the version with such a sucky success rate for the ultimate goal of vaginal delivery.

From here, I get to live a normal life (well, normal for someone carrying around a 7+lb person in their belly), which is great! And we are scheduled for a c-section on January 10th. And if I go into labor before that, then we do the c-section at that time. And I continue to go to the OB weekly for monitoring. I am feeling a lot of relief with this decision. No, I'm not looking forward to a c-section, or the recovery afterward, but I think this is the right choice given our situation. It feels right.

So at most, another 3 weeks to wait to meet the little (or not so little!) critter girl! SO SOON!

36 weeks, 1 day

The shower yesterday went well - and better yet, I'm still pregnant!

I was very good - drank tons of water, remained seated for pretty much the whole time - and it was fun to be out of the house and see all my friends. It was a couples shower, with excellent food (a Top Chef's restaurant) and good booze too (or so I'm told, alcohol still smells like poison to me). So fun time had by all, I think.

We got lots of useful presents, which eases my mind a bit. With this whole bedrest thing, I feel woefully behind on my critter preparations. But now we have some bed linens, swaddle/burp cloths, a nightlight, and breastfeeding stuff. And of course, my rock-n-roll lullabyes. Whew, I feel better just knowing they are in the house.

Today my mom and stepdad are coming over to hang out a bit. And best of all, my stepdad is a certified car seat inspector back East. So he and Mr. P will install the car seat bases in both of our cars. Another ease of my mind, knowing that they will let us take her home from the hospital now. Whew.

Tomorrow afternoon is the big 36-week appointment. We'll do the u/s (cannot wait to see her chubby cheeks again!!) and get an estimate on how big she is, as well as her amniotic fluid levels. This will inform the version decision, which I think we'll make tomorrow too. I'm heavily leaning towards no version at this point. But we will see tomorrow.

Shhhhh....don't tell on me

Ok, so I thought, based on what the doc I saw in the hospital said to me, that come 36 weeks, I'd be off bedrest. Remember the comment that OB made? I could "run a marathon (haha) if you make it to 36 weeks" and they would not stop labor.

And when I went to my appointment last Monday, we didn't even talk about the bedrest thing - I was so preoccupied about the breech/version/c-section topic. So I forgot to ask and confirm I'd be off bedrest at 36 weeks. This appointment was with a different doc than the hospital doc, both in the large OB practice I go to.

Yesterday morning, after my 4:30am pee break, I couldn't fall back asleep. So I passed the time obsessing over all that needs to get done, and generally worrying about the pregnancy. Ya know, normal 4:30am stuff. And it hit me that I never confirmed with the OB about the end of bedrest. Being the good (and anal) patient that I am, I called the nurse's line to ask.

And the nurse calls me back and says, "I'm sorry, but the chart says re-evaluate after u/s at 36 week appointment." Which isn't until Monday.

Uh-oh.

This wouldn't be such a big deal, but there is a brunch baby shower being held in my honor on Saturday. Which my mom is flying halfway across the country to attend. Which I thought I'd be off bed-rest for, and able to legally attend. A celebration of the end of bed-rest, if you will.

But now, well, I'm going rouge. I'm still going to the shower. If I'm driven there (it's close to my house, technically I could walk, but won't), sit the whole time (imagine the Queen holding court, kiss the ring, that sort of thing), and go home after - that should be ok, right??

Say yes. Tell me yes. Cause I'm going.

Just don't tell anyone. Especially not my OB. OK, promise? Shhhhhhhhh.

OB update

OB appointment yesterday went well. No progress from last week, still at 1-ish cm dilated, still a bit over 1cm cervical length. So that's good news.

I'm officially on the books for a scheduled c-section on January 10. If we get that far. I asked about why they wait til 39 weeks to schedule the c-section, and the OB explained that for elective c-sections, standard of care does not recommend removing a baby from its mother, as the lungs may not not be ready, before 39 weeks. Ok, I guess that makes sense. But, if I go into labor before the 39 week mark, obviously they'll let me go.

Critter is still breech, and we talked more about the version procedure. First off, next week's appointment will be a big one, as we will do a detailed u/s then. They will estimate her size - which is still running big, based on fundal measurement, the OB called her "generous" - and also estimate the amount of amniotic fluid. The OB said we'll use this info to decide whether or not to even try a version. As it stands, she gives it a 50% chance of working, but she also said this % could go down with her increased size. She also said I would have the option of a spinal block, as the procedure can be "very uncomfortable" for me. She said the version itself would only last about 5-10 minutes, with 2 docs working to turn her. 4 hands. She said it is a bit intense, in that they are basically using brute force to get the baby to move. They would also give me a med to relax my ute (terburline, I think). Whole thing takes place in the hospital, with an IV line placed, no eating for 8 hours beforehand just like a surgery, and they'll have an OR ready, just in case I go into labor from the procedure or the critter is in distress, and need to do an emergency c-section. It does not sound at all fun.

I'm still leaning towards not doing the version, but am reserving the final decision until next week, and have the u/s results. She put me on the schedule for Dec 27. As she said, we can always cancel next week if we want. Ok.

So that's about it. I'm slightly less cranky today, knowing I'll be off bedrest by the weekend, which marks 36 weeks. The baby shower my SIL is hosting for me is Saturday, so it is great timing that I'll be released from bedrest that day, and can actually attend! My mom is coming in town for it too, so that will be nice.

There may actually be an end in sight. An end with a baby girl, which makes all this crapola completely, totally and absolutely worth it.

CRANKY

35 weeks, 2 days.

I had another meltdown yesterday. Pretty much all day I was Cranky, with a capital C. Ugh, soooo irritable. I am sure hormones are at least partly to blame, it feels like that same hormonal irritability. And my skin's a mess, so something's going on, hormone-wise.

I just started crying out of frustration. Poor Mr. P, he is trying his best to keep me happy, but I am a cranky 3-year-old, and nothing will soothe me. I may have cried and said, "But I don't wanna!" I may have stomped my feet too. Ugh! Soooo cranky.

I am sooooooo over this whole bedrest thing. I am really struggling with the thought of doing this another week. UGH! I am so sick of my house. I have not left it in a week. If you look up "stir-crazy" in the dictionary, you'll see my picture.

I do get to leave today for an OB check-up. You know things are bad when I look forward to, when the highlight of my week is, having some lady stick her hand up my cooch. But I am so excited to get out. Put on shoes. See other people. Who cares that is is 10 degrees outside? I get to go outside!! Sad, isn't it?

CRANKY! Ugh.

35 weeks

I'm doing a big **happy dance** this morning. Ok, really I'm lying in bed just wiggling my toes and humming a happy tune, as dancing is not really bedrest-friendly. But HOORAY! 35 weeks today!

For all I complain about bedrest, and trust me, I've been complaining quite a bit (I'm bored! I'm cranky! I want to make dinner! Wah, wah, wah!) there have been some positive results from it. Obviously, not dilating or effacing any more is a big one. But remember the swelling in my feet, especially the right one? Gone. My feet and ankles look normal. No more cankles. Amazing what staying horizontal can do.

And I've gotten all my Xmas shopping done. Lots of online shopping this year, and I'm done early! I've also gotten ahead on birth announcements. I've narrowed it down to a few contenders, so depending on if we go with a picture or not, it will be easy to get it printed. And even better, I've taken all the mailing addresses and consolidated them into a spreadsheet. They had been all over the place before, different lists, locations. Now they are all together, and it will be super-easy to get that mailing out.

So bedrest sucks, but at least there are some benefits. The biggest one being - we got to 35 weeks! Hooray!

Have a good weekend!!

today's version of the version

34 weeks, 5 days.

Still bedresting, nothing new in the ute to report. Things down there have been thankfully quiet. Well, except for the critter wiggling around. She's having a good ole time.

Still not sure where I am with the whole breech baby thing. I'm pretty sure she is still breech. She moves a lot, but more wiggles, shakes and rolls, not flips or turns. And thanks for all your thoughts on this - it is helpful to hear what others think. I have heard that moxa (simplified explanation: burning herb bundle near your feet) can be used to help babies turn. I might try this, as my acu lady from the FET prep did moxa on me before, but I have to wait til I'm off bedrest, so at least another week and few days. I'm not sure if I'm missing a window of time here to do the moxa, but I have to wait til 36 weeks either way.

As for doing the version, I'm still torn. It is more of a medical intervention than it may seem, involving me taking terbutaline which would prevent ute contractions. It happens in the hospital under acute monitoring, in case they need to do an emergency c-section. They most likely would not give me an epidural, as it can be counter-productive in her moving, but rather other systemic drugs for pain relief. It can also be pretty stressful on the critter, and that really makes me pause the most. I mean, she's been healthy and good this whole time. Sure, I bled in the first tri, but she was unaffected. I'm really hesitant to put her in a situation where she'll be stressed (and by stressed I don't mean emotionally, I mean her heart rate and blood flow).

I guess I am hesitant to put her in a potentially dangerous situation, which has fairly crappy odds of success, when I can do a c-section. Maybe if my odds for success were higher, maybe that would sway me more. But 50% is not great, and given the risks, it is not that persuasive. And yes, I know, c-section is major surgery. It carries dangers too, especially for me. It is a lot to consider, for both me and her.

So today, I'm leaning towards no version. But ask me tomorrow, and my mind may change. I really just don't know. I have time to think about it (I hope!!), and really, the u/s at 36 weeks will weigh heavily into the decision process too. And I am sending her all sorts of "turn-baby-turn" vibes and encouragement. But this may be the first of many times that she just doesn't listen to her mommy. I better get used to it.

And interesting family tidbit, my mom told me yesterday that she and my uncle (her brother) were both born breech. Both delivered vaginally, after super-long labors. Granted, this was in the 1940's, so c-section wasn't common. But interesting that breech seems to run in the family.

My version

Still here, still bedresting. 34 weeks, 3 days.

Went to the OB yesterday for my now-weekly office visit. Very exciting to get out of the house, let me tell you. I put on shoes and everything! WOW, the highlight of my week is to be out of the house. Even if it is just to go to the doctor.

I'm at the same place, cervix-wise. A "generous" 1cm dilated, and cervix is the same length, about 1.5cm. So good news, no changes there.

I got many of my breech questions answered. It sounds like the pre-term labor episode does not really play into the breech thing. So basically, if I can get to 36 weeks (the next big goal) they will do an u/s to confirm her position and reassess her size. Then we decide whether to do an external version at 37 weeks. I guess being a little dilated does not mean we can't try a version. But, as the doc said, it will be up to me. I think her direct quote was "Given everything you've been through to get here, it's up to you if you just want her out." Meaning doing an elective c-section.

So now I need to read about (read: obsess) about external versions. The doc gave me about a 50% chance of it working, although that percentage could go down depending on her size at 36 weeks. She's already running big, good for pre-term delivery, not so good for versions.

I'm just not sure what I want to do, what my gut is telling me. My gut is confused. I'd really rather avoid a c-section, but I also am wondering if it is worth trying what could be a painful and maybe-harmful procedure to not have one. And I may go through the whole version procedure, and she still does not turn, and we're back to c-section anyway. I dunno.

Off to ask Dr. Google what she thinks.

Pregnancy books suck

I'm still at home, still bed-resting.

This weekend was pretty quiet (what, no raging parties in my bedroom??) and the critter decided to stay put. I continue to have odd twinges and sensations in the ute/pelvic floor/lower abdomen/hip flexor areas, and last night I did have 2 mild contractions. But nothing horribly painful, nothing organized, and it stopped. So I go to the OB later today for my scheduled appointment, we'll see what she says.

I'm hoping to get some clarity about the whole breech baby/scheduled c-section thing today at the appointment. I'm not sure how this will all work given the pre-term labor. If I can get that far, will they let me go to 37 weeks? Will they schedule me sooner? Will they even try an external version given the pre-term labor scare? I have no idea what she will say.

And this brings me to my latest bitch. Yet again, my pregnancy books are useless. Seriously, what a waste these books have been for me. I have been an outlier in conception, in pregnancy, and apparently now in labor and birth. These books talk about identifying early labor, and what they describe is NOTHING like what I went through. Sigh, I really should write a better pregnancy book, for the outliers. Granted, only a small percentage of people will find it useful (and it will scare the crap out of the normals, but that could be worth it right there!). And there is nothing really written in these books about pre-term labor. Nothing. So again, I'm googling for information. Pregnancy books suck, they are for normal fertiles. Don't waste your money.

So 34 weeks, 2 days today. Yup, I've resorted to counting the days too. Each day is a good thing at this point.

Big exhale - 34 weeks

Deep cleansing breath, peoples! Inhale...2..3..4..5.... and exhale..2..3..4..5....

Ahhhh, doesn't that feel better? I've been doing a ton of that over the past few days. And today, as it snows outside and looks pretty from my bedroom window, me-n-critter have reached 34 weeks. I feel relieved to make this first goal. And even my babycenter weekly email that tells me what is going on every week of the critter's development (I LOVE getting this email every week, it feels like a gold star for me) said that babies born from here on out tend to do very well. Just what I needed to hear.

Not that it has been all puppy dogs and rainbows around here. Yesterday I felt a lot like I did on Monday - I even napped again - and felt sort of vaguely achy, in a round ligament sort of way. Just the way it started before. But it did not progress into anything more painful, organized or anything else, so I'll just keep bed-resting.

And I may have freaked out a touch last night. I just began to feel very overwhelmed and totally unable to help myself. I feel like the nesting instinct has kicked in a bit, or maybe it's just the reality that this critter could come NOW, and I don't feel ready. We have no bed linens for the critter. Her clothes need to be washed. I had no hospital bag packed. I have no nursing bra. We had no food in the house. ETC...til I just began crying.

I think the bedrest part is way too hard at the end of pregnancy, just when I feel the need to get a bunch of stuff done. I know in my logical mind that it will all be ok, and people are around to help me, but emotionally, it is hard. I want to be able to prepare for the critter myself, and right now, all I can do for her is to keep her inside me by resting. That's enough, I know, but I feel like I'm just not ready/organized/prepared. It makes me wish I hadn't been such a scaredy-cat in the second tri, and gotten a lot more stuff done. Oh well, hindsight's a bitch.

Mr. P continues to be a trooper, and is doing everything he can to keep me sane. He even did a load of critter laundry at 11pm last night, just to calm me down. But he's stressed, with demands from work on him too, and it is stressful for me to see him stressed. He even went alone this morning to attend the infant CPR class we were signed up for. I guess it is good for at least one of us to know the info. Argh, it frustrates me I can't be there too.

So that's where I am this morning. Relieved to make it to 34 weeks. Frustrated and upset with bedrest. Feeling unprepared. Bored and antsy.

Deep cleansing breath. In and out. Rinse and repeat.

All Hell etc .... continued

If you are just tuning in to the latest soap opera that is my life, scroll down and read installment #1 from this morning. A fun read, let me tell ya.

Anywho...last we heard, I was wheeled down the city sidewalk to the hospital from my OB's office, cause I was in early pre-term labor.

So we went into triage, and got my ID band, peed in a cup, got into a hospital gown and got my IV port hooked up. They began IV fluids (just Ringers) right away, as they were concerned that some of this was being exacerbated by dehydration. Although I promise you, I had been good about drinking water. But whatever.

Then I got the shot from hell.

My OB told me they were going to give me 2 shots of betamethazone, a steroid that is given in 2 doses (once every 24 hours) to help mature the critter's still premature lungs. So in case she does come today, or soon, her lungs would be more ready for the outside world. Ok, sounds good. And as you may recall, I am not one to be squeamish about shots - heck, I advocate administering my own IM PIO shots in the ass! So the nurse comes in, and says this will be a thigh shot, as they have stopped giving hip/butt shots so they don't risk your sciatic nerve. Gotcha, that hurts, been there.

But holy-high-heaven-and-hell, that shot HURT. OMG, it was a ton of liquid, and damn, it hurt and burned. For a while after too. Ugh. But hey, it is for the critter, so I just swore up a storm and sucked it up.

Then I get formally admitted to labor & delivery. OMG, I'm going to L&D. So we get up there, and I'm put on the belly monitors that monitor the critter's heart rate, and another that monitors my contractions. And the nurse and resident pepper me with lots of questions. By now, about an hour in the hospital, my contraction seem to be lessening. Less often, and less intense. I still feel them, but I'm not having to pause and breathe through them. That's a step in the right direction!

The tiny resident lady gives me another internal (what is that, 3 people so far today with their hand up my crotch? It's barely noon). I mention that she is tiny because she also has small hands, which you'd think would be a good thing when imagining said hand up your cooch. Well, not so. Her hand was bony, and she really needed to shove it up there to reach my cervix. Ouch. Anyway, she says I'm at a "tight" 2cm dilated. Shit, so have I increased?

One thing I've learned through this ordeal is the whole estimating how far along in labor you are is super subjective. One OB's "loose" 1cm is another resident's "tight" 2cm. I mean really, they are just shoving their fingers up there and feeling around. So word to the wise, take these measurements, or should I say estimates, with a grain of salt.

Then the OB comes in, and says how she wants to break the tie between the office OB's "generous" 1cm and the resident's "tight" 2cm. Which means another internal. But this OB is a pro, and it was not too uncomfortable. Or maybe I'm just getting used to this. She says 1cm. Great, so not really progressed in the last few hours. More good news.

So the plan is to wait and watch how the afternoon goes. If I can stop this labor with bedrest and fluids, that is what we'll do. If I begin progress more, then I'll get meds to stop the labor. As I'm close to 34 weeks, the doc was not wanting to give me turbuline. She described some other medicine, a blood pressure med that acts as a smooth muscle relaxer to stop uterine contractions. Ok, fine, the plan sounds good to me.

So we hang out. Mr. P naps a bit (hey, wasn't I the one up all night??) then goes home to pick up some stuff for my stay at the hospital, and I watch TV. And try to relax. Honestly, I was feeling much better, both contraction-wise, and just being monitored so closely at the hospital. I know not everyone feels like I do, but hospitals are relaxing and reassuring places for me. My dad and grandfather are/were physicians, and I've spent much of my life working in various capacities in medical settings. I like the order, I like the technical machines and devices. I am comforted by this. So I was able to relax some, which I know also helped with the contractions too.

The only thing that sucked was I was not allowed to eat or drink, in case they needed to do an emergency c-section. Bummer. I was hungry! We got a quickie u/s done, and the critter looked good. She was moving a ton (she gets antsy when we're hungry). We couldn't get a full growth measurement, as she was moving too much. Bad news though, she was breech. I get another internal somewhere in here too, and things are the same.

Around 6pm the OB comes and re-checks me (this is my 6th internal of the day) and I've not budged. At all. Hooray! And the contraction monitoring shows things have slowed considerably. More hooray! So they are moving me out of L&D and into a regular room. They don't think she is coming tonight. Hooray again! And I am cleared to eat. Thank god.

So up to a regular room, eat dinner, and get ready for bed. Mr. P had run home to get me some toiletries, so I could brush my teeth, which was nice. Sleep was so-so that night, I was pretty keyed up and it took awhile to drift off. But what was the best thing was the contractions stopped altogether by about midnight.

Wake up Tuesday...no, wait Wednesday, to vitals, a new resident rounding, and not much else. Things were all quiet on the uterine front. An OB from my practice came in to see me, and basically said I was doing great, and if this continued I might get to go home that evening. I still needed my second steroid shot at 12:30pm, and she also wanted a good u/s, so get a sense of how big the critter is. Yay, I love u/s!

So Wednesday was basically hanging out in bed all day, waiting around. Got the second shot, still hurt. Waited til 5pm for the u/s. But it was worth the wait. Critter is growing very well, about a week ahead of her gestational age. Good critter. Her amniotic fluid looks good, as does the placenta and cord. She is most certainly breech (damn), and is estimated to weigh about 5 1/2 lbs. AWESOME! And best of all, she has the cutest chubby cheeks we have ever seen. So very cute.

I get discharged right after the u/s, with orders for bedrest for the next 2+ weeks. The goals, says my OB are: 1. get to 34 weeks (which is this Saturday); 2. get to 36 weeks. Basically, after 36 weeks, I'm off restrictions, and when I go, they aren't gonna stop me. The trick will be the whole breech thing. I have an OB appointment Monday afternoon, so we'll discuss it more then. But I think a (hopefully) scheduled c-section is in my future. Maybe by 37 weeks (which is Xmas day, btw)? I'm not sure, I guess that is getting ahead of myself a bit.

So super-long-ass story short, me and the critter are still as one. She seems to be doing fine through all of this, per usual, and I'm hanging in too. I'm currently in my own bed, and feeling the critter wiggle around. No contractions, just a few painless twinges and tightening here and there. Doc said that was to be expected. I'm to call with any fluid leaking, blood, or painful contractions. And now that I know what those feel like, I will be sure to call the doc's on-call line this time, I promise. I'm staying super-hydrated and peeing a lot. All good things.

Whew. What a few days. Never a dull moment with this critter. As my friend said, maybe the critter is getting all the drama out now, so I won't have to deal with it from her later. As my friend so perfectly put it "No facial tattoos at 11 years old, no meth lab in her bedroom." Right. Good perspective. This I can deal with. Meth lab drug raid in my house, that would really suck.

Jinx or All Hell Breaks Loose, Part Deux

Because All Hell Breaking Loose, Part One (see late May/June 2010 for the recap - bleeding/SCH at 7 wks, bedrest til 13 wks and detailed color analysis of all vaginal discharge throughout) was such fun, a big hit, you laughed, you cried, you read it again and again - Well, I'm here to please! That's right, All Hell had indeed Broken Loose again!

So I really should know better by now. All this grateful crap, all this feeling good bragging. Should have been a warning to me. Things do not go smoothly in my life, and things were going way, waaaaaay too smooth. I was feeling good. I was feeling - the kiss of danger - confident. I am in the home stretch, right?

Ha. I jinxed myself.

It all began on Monday. Well, even on Sunday I was feeling a bit achy. I thought it was just some mild round ligament pain - as all the books tell me the critter is packing on the fat at this point, adding up to 1/2 lb. per week. So I was feeling the stretch. No biggie. Sunday was spend mostly watching Mr. P move some last stuff to the storage locker (I may have lifted a few things, but nothing heavy) and then futzing with the mural on the nursery wall. Where we both decided we needed to paint the room before putting up the mural. So we stopped. Not a ton of activity, I promise.

Monday I did some laundry, had lunch with a friend, then went to the craft store. I was out and about no more than 3 hours. I felt tired, so I blew off the grocery store, came home and napped. Which I generally don't do, but hey, that critter is growing! Must be making me tired and achy. Right??

Made dinner, ate it, and still felt tired, and more and more achy. Achy on each side of my lower abdomen, right where all the books say is where round ligament pain happens. So, I do not worry.

Around 9pm, I am beginning to feel a touch of achy around my entire lower abdomen. By 10 it is coming in waves of achy, nothing consistent, but is achy - is it becoming pain? - and coming in waves. I still am not worried, or thinking this is important. We go to bed, but I can't sleep. Yup, it is no longer achy, it is pain.

So I spend most of the night breathing through the waves of pain. Inconsistent waves, not occurring with any regularity, sometimes 30-45 seconds of pain and tightness, followed 90 seconds later by more, sometimes 8 minutes til another one. Heck, I think I went almost 45 minutes between the pain at one point. And the books all say, true labor is consistent, gets more regular. That was not happening to me. So I figured this was some weird mix of Braxton-Hicks with round ligament pain. But, damn, it hurt. I was having to really breathe through the pain, and used my favorite guided imagery technique (I scubaed in Fiji a lot Monday night) to get through it.

So around 6am, I got up, took a warm shower (oooh, that felt good!) and called my OB. Of course, they are not open that early, and I was not deeming this a medical emergency that would page the doc on call, so I just left a message for the nurse. Note - the power of delusion was very strong here. I really could not believe anything was wrong, or I was in labor. Even though I was in these waves of pain that took my breath away. Denial - not just a river in Egypt.

Mr. P went to work, and I told him I'd call him when I spoke to the nurse. So around 9am, the nurse called back, scolded me for not calling the on-call line, and told me to come in for a 9:50am appointment. Called Mr. P, and told him I'd drive myself. Honestly, how insane in that? How strong was my delusion? It amazes me now. Anyway, thankfully, Mr. P was living in reality, and came home immediately to drive me.

Met with one of the nurse practioners, who did a cervix check. Lots of internal poking around. Said she thought I was dilated a tiny bit, and called in one of the docs for a second opinion. OB came in, another internal exam (this will be the theme of the day - internal exams) and yes, I'm beginning to dilate. They said I was a "generous" 1cm. Cervix has shortened to about 1.5-ish cm. And that I was going straight to the hospital, and being admitted for at least the next 48 hours. Maybe a week.

OMG, really? Can you hear my delusions begin to shatter at my feet? That's what heard. That, and tears. My tears. OMG, I'm in early pre-term labor. At 33 weeks.

So they wheeled me down the street to the hospital, and I got to go to all the places I saw on my hospital tour two weeks ago. OMG.

To be continued....

(but not to totally freak you out with suspense, there is a relatively happy ending. this post is just way long. will post more this afternoon, i promise)

33 weeks

Hooray - it's Saturday, which means my most favorite activity - the turning of the calendar! Today I enter my 33rd week. So very super exciting!! I wanted to do state-of-the-union post, so I can have a record of how I was feeling at this point.

Things continues to chug right along here. I'm still swollen, and my hands are a touch sore from all the fluid in the morning, but it is par for the course I guess. My BP and urine monitoring are all good, so my OB says swelling for me is just that: swelling. Not real pre-ecclampsia signs. Shoes have become a tricky thing, as most of my normal shoes no longer fit me. I did by some $12 shoes at Tar.get, in a size and a half larger than I normally wear, and they seem to be doing the trick for more formal occasions. Otherwise, it is my sneakers, very loosely laced and barely tied. They are super-comfy.

The critter keeps wiggling around a lot, which I love. I can really feel her more now that she is bigger and running out of space. Every little wiggle I feel. And hiccups. I love those. Keep strengthening that diaphragm, critter girl! You'll need it soon enough.

Knock on wood, but the heartburn has really lessened in the past week. No idea why, but I'll take it. I still want spicy foods, we might go for Ethiopian today. Mmmmm, doro wat! Although I do notice if I eat too much (which I've been known to do on occasion) I get super short of breath. There is just not enough room for the critter, my lungs and a full stomach (which btw is now located under my left breast. Seriously, it will growl when I'm hungry, but it is growling under my left breast. So weird!!).

Knock on more wood, I'm still sleeping ok too. Sure, I'm up 4+ times a night to pee, but I fall back asleep pretty well. And I highly recommend a body pillow - it has really helped me prop myself into supported and comfy positions. I have a ginormus U-shaped one that supports under the belly and in my lower back at the same time. It is huge, but it has been a godsend. Also, I continue to sleep with my upper body propped up on about 4 regular pillows, and that has been great for stopping the vurping. So yeah, I sleep in a pillow fort, but it seems to be working.

Energy is still ok, not great, but I get what little I need to get done, done. We are making more progress on the nursery, and when it is done, I'll be sure to post pics. We are not doing the super-decorated thing, but I think it will look cute.

That is about it. My mood is generally ok, although I did have a minor pout-fest with Mr. P yesterday, for no real reason. Whoops. But for the most part I've been pretty normal, and super-grateful. I love 33 weeks!!

Thankful rambles

Not much of interest to report here, which is great! I do have an OB appointment this afternoon, but I'm sure it will be uneventful. I hope so, at least.

I'm mid-way through my 32 week now. Doesn't that sound great? 32. Such a big number. Every Saturday when the week changes, it is so exciting to me. Seriously, it does not get old to get a higher number. I sound like a broken record, I've been saying this since...well since I had weeks to count. But it is true, I'm so happy to have gotten this far. Sure, I'm having some minor complaints/symptoms: swollen legs, occasional heartburn, peeing all the time, waddling. But I'm just so happy to be at this point, who cares I have cankles?? I am not complaining to have any of these "problems", instead I feel so fortunate to have gotten to this point, I'm lucky that I get symptoms at all.

This year for Turkey Day, we are going to my in-laws. I'm only in charge of the cranberry sauce, but I'm also gonna try a new recipe for Caramel Apple Cheesecake Bars. It is all the things I've been craving this fall: Caramel Apples (Affy Tapples, mmmm) and anything dairy. I'll let you know how they turn out.

We are putting some finishing touches on the nursery this weekend (I think). We have a big wall mural decal thingy of a tree with birds that we need to put up on the wall. I hope it is not too complicated, as I'm not that handy/artistic. And we got a little decal kitty to hide in the corner, like she is stalking the birds. I hope it turns out as cute as I imagine it to be.

The third trimester of grateful-ness cruises along here. This week is a week to pause and be thankful (here in the US, at least), but really, I've been feeling this way for awhile now. I know it is not as easy of a time for everyone in the IF fight, as wasn't for me in years past. But I hope there are bits of your life that make you smile, and I hope that everyone gets to a happy ending at some point. I know I'm thankful for all the support, love and encouragement you have all given me over the past few years. Hugs, all!

Grateful for stuff

It has begun.

Baby stuff has begun its campaign to take over my house. It began innocently enough, with the delivery of baby furniture. I mean, the kid will need somewhere to sleep and be changed, right? We even put everything together, so the room is sort of arranged.

But then the first shower happened. Which was very nice, and totally overwhelming. This shower was hosted by my MIL, and was attended by tons of Mr. P's cousins, second cousins and family friends of my in-laws. Try as I might, I can't keep all of these people straight. Which makes the whole party-in-our-honor thing more stressful. But whatever, I made it through, and it was a very nice event. And thank your chosen deity, no games. Thank you, MIL, for listening to me.

People are way too generous. So now my house has been taken over by baby stuff. It is overwhelming to see it all. I mean really, for a baby that will likely weigh less than my cat, she sure has a TON of stuff. More clothes than I do. More beauty products too. More of everything!

But I must admit, the clothes are cute. Some, really cute. The hats? Love those. And she got a little hoodie sweatsuit, which could be the sweetest thing I've ever seen. With pockets. I love pockets on baby clothes. I just imagine her keeping her chapstick and cell phone in there, like me.

It has been a challenge to find space for everything in our townhouse. But this kid apparently needs this stuff, so make room we will. It is becoming more real, day by day, that this critter inside me will use this stuff. Use it fairly soon, too. Wow.

The gratefulness continues around here. For people's generosity, for having more than we need, for this miracle of a critter that is growing and kicking and wiggling inside me. Very, very, grateful.

Birthing Class

I'm back!! My technology woes are over, hallelujah! Although the powercord for the big laptop is still on backorder, Mr. P surprised me with Xmas a little early, and got me a new netbook! Whooo-hooo! It is super-cute in lavender, so it will match the critter's room. I think this little netbook will be just perfect when me and the real-live critter are up at all hours of the day and night. Yay for early Xmas!!

So I promised a post about the I-don't-know-nuthin-bout-birthin-no-babies class we took (and extra reward points for those of you that actually got the GWTW reference there!). The class was recommended by my OB, and was given by the hospital where I'll deliver the critter. Major urban hospital, but also very new and fancy. It was taught by a RN, who has worked L&D in addition to other areas like post-partum. The class was over the course of 2 Friday nights, and were scheduled for 4 hours each.

So, overall, it was ok. I'm not really sure I learned anything new, or that I couldn't have read in a book. And honestly, the teacher was a bit of a loon, so it was hard to pay attention to all she was trying to communicate when she kept slipping out on random tangents. And honestly, I'm not sure it was super-helpful to me in particular, because I am all about pain management during labor. I get that some women go into labor wanting it unmedicated, but that is not me. Modern medicine got me this far, I'm not turning my back on her now!

That being said, it wasn't so helpful to see a video about these poor women struggling in pain during labor. I mean, it wasn't trying to portray these women badly, I'm sure they all felt empowered, but to me it looked awful. Really, it just confirmed my idea that epidurals are a great thing. And given my training in psychology, learning guided imagery techniques and relaxation techniques was totally boring. Been there, know that, wrote the dissertation.

And that was like half the class (or more!). The other parts about hospital-specific things, like registration, touring the facilities, state-mandated tests for newborns, discharge policies, all that was good info. And they did cover c-sections, so that was good to see too.

I almost think they need to have a separate class for us ladies that like the drugs, so we can go faster through all the when-you-are-in-labor-and-in-so-much-pain stuff, and get to the more practical/logistical stuff. Who knows, maybe I'm delusional and will need a lot of that info, but the loony teacher kept saying, "But if you have an epidural, this won't apply" so it seems like a lot of stuff I don't need to know.

So that was the childbirth class at my local hospital. I'm sure if you were interested in the unmedicated birth process, and wanted an overview of Lamaze, Bradley and other coaching techniques, it would have been helpful. But for me and Mr. P, eh, not so much. We are also registered to take Infant CPR (my OB insists on that) and Newborn Care 101 (because Mr. P don't know nuthin' bout diaperin' or bathin' no babies, and won't believe me). Those are in December, and hopefully will not be taught by the loony RN. Fingers crossed.

Barely in the 21st, but puffy and grateful

Still not on the laptop. The powercord we need is on backorder or something, so I'm on our ancient desktop. I hope this works. And man, do I hate sitting at a desk to surf the net. It is just not as fun as my couch. Alas, I am spoiled.

Anywhooo, I had my OB appointment on Monday night. All continues to go well, but we did have one little scare. Not even a scare, really, more like a startle? A minor surprise? I'm not sure what word means mini-scare, but that's what it was.

I've been having limb swelling - which in and of itself is not unusual in pregnancy. But my swelling seemed mostly in my right foot/ankle/cankle area. Like visibly larger than my left side. I almost didn't even bring it up, as every pregnancy book lists swelling as a common symptom. But at the end of the appointment, I casually mentioned the difference in my feet, and the doc seemed interested. She measured both ankles, and yup, big difference. While she said she had a low level of concern, she wanted me to get a doppler u/s of my leg done the next day.

She was trying to rule out a blood clot somewhere in my leg. So I was squeezed in at the vascular clinic at the hospital on Tuesday, and they did an u/s of both legs. Thankfully, no clots for me! Hooray! So it is mostly likely just poor lymphatic drainage caused by the way the critter is lying in my ute. Not sure how it all connects, but I guess it does, and it is all her fault. Oh well, I love her anyway.

In other exciting news, we got our baby furniture delivered!! How super-exciting is that? I've sat in the glider every day since, and just think about how I will spend lots of time sitting there with the IRL critter soon. Wow. It amazes me every time, and I am just so grateful. We still have to assemble the crib, but the dresser/changing table is set up - and again - WOW. I will change my baby there. WOW. It really does blow me away. It is hard to believe after all this time that there will be a critter baby coming to live with us. Joy. Pure joy. Sigh....

So that's where things are. We have the second I-don't-know-nuthin-bout-birthin-no-babies class on Friday, and we get a tour of the hospital, which I am really looking forward to. This is a new hospital building, and quite fancy from what I've seen so far. Can't wait to check the rest of it out. Will post thoughts on this childbirth class later- its been interesting.

My cat hates technology

I've been MIA on the interwebs since Wednesday - it seems like an eternity. I'm only now back on for a few minutes, on Mr. P's work laptop. I have missed everything on blogs - I hope everyone is ok. Thinking of you all. I miss you guys.

All because my Russian kitty is apparently Amish.

I get it, she wants me to pay attention to her, not this bright screen in front of me. But does she have to chew through every wire she encounters? We've had to replace phones, headphones, cell phone chargers - if it has a cable, we've had it chewed through. And trust me, we've tried everything. Cable protectors, vinegar on the wires, putting wires away in drawers.

It doesn't matter - she is Amish, hates the modern world, wants cuddles and damn if some stupid laptop is gonna get her in way.

So the new powercord (the 3rd we've been through since we got the new laptop a year or so ago!) is on it's way. I should be back in the 21st century sometime this week.

Until then - 30 weeks!! A number that begins with 3! OMG!! It feels like a huge huge milestone, hitting the 30's. Hooray! More posts on taking a childbirth class, and getting the nursery furniture this week, I promise. I hope.

What I said I'd never do

Warning - Pregnant belly shot inside. I won't be at all offended if you don't want to see.




Ok, I said no pictures. But my IRL friend who lives half the country away from me wanted to see this belly of mine, so I snapped a few pics to send her. And this one is fairly anonymous looking, so here ya go. 29.5 weeks looks like this on me:





Just don't pay attention to the 4-IVFs-plus-2-months-of-depot-loopyron-plus-FET-all-in-one-year back and butt fat, ok? And note the Tums bottle on the counter. It's always with me these days, my constant companion. My chalky-tasting shadow.

sugar hangover

Halloween festivities went off well. Saturday we had the block party, complete with a huge pumpkin moon bounce. The afternoon ended with 4 toddlers/infants and their parents in our house hanging out. It made me realize my house is not child-proof in any way. Dangers around every turn! Will need to work on that.

But what a difference a few years makes. A few years ago, we would have been just getting ready to go out, rocking out in crazy costumes at several Halloween parties and bars. This year, everyone was gone by 6pm, having to take their kids home for dinner and bedtime. My, how times change.

And actual Halloween was busy, as usual. A neighbor estimated we had about 250-300 kids. All I know is we ran out of the 400 pieces of candy within an hour and a half. Had to turn off the lights and close up shop. Iron Man was the most popular costume. Lots of kids with big puffy muscles.

I had terrible heartburn/vurps all weekend. I think it was because I did not eat too well, we had take-out both Friday and Saturday, it was greasier than I normally cook, and I ate later than I normally do. It really reinforces the need to cook for myself, and eat well. Last night I made dinner (we always have old-school tacos on Halloween!) and I was fine. Slept well, not a smidge of heartburn.

29 weeks, people. Oh my!

When pillows attack

My "Just Say No to Vurps!" campaign seems to be working. I have slept pretty well, propped up slightly when on my left side, and propped up a lot when on my back. No vurping episodes at all. Hooray!

The pillow situation is crazy - I am using 3 prop-up pillows, one head-rest pillow (my tempurpedic one, which I LOVE), and my gigantic U-shaped body pillow to support my belly and back. I am in a pillow fort, a pillow cocoon. It is a good thing we have a king sized bed, otherwise there would be no room for Mr. P. And snuggles have pretty much gone out the window. But I am sleeping better. Knock on wood that it lasts!

Halloween festivities this weekend - I live in a neighborhood that attracts kids from all over. While we are in a big city, I live in a little enclave, townhouses that have lots of kids and green space for them, with limited car traffic. Perfect for trick-or-treaters. We have a Halloween block party tomorrow afternoon, and I think my niece and 2 friends and their kids are coming. And Sunday, trick or treating madness. Last year I ran out of candy - I had 2 huge bags to start - like 500 pieces of candy - gone. So it will be busy! Kids, kids, everywhere!

It is still a touch hard being around all these families, but as you can imagine, I am in a different place this year. I am almost part of the club. Not quite a card-carrying member yet, but my application is in, and being processed. It does make it easier.

But I do clearly remember dreading Halloween over the last few years (even though I love Halloween otherwise) due to IF. So hugs to all my ladies out there, still fighting the fight.

No more vurping!

Thanks for all the comments, and reminding me that others have in fact had this crazy reflux (or as Mr. P likes to call it - vurping aka vomit+burp). The odd thing is I don't really have any heartburn (knock on wood, do not jinx things, Pie!!), just the occasional spontaneous late-night pukes.

I had my OB appointment yesterday and asked the OB about it. She basically confirmed what I already suspected, which is the critter is crowding out my stomach, and things will wash upwards. She said I could take an acid reducer, like Pri.losec or Zan.tac. Given I'm not having this all the time, and with no heartburn, I'm gonna try the other suggestion of sleeping propped up. I've done this the past 2 nights, and slept great!

I also read this timely article in the NYT about how heartburn/reflux is exacerbated by lying on your right side. Every time I've had the nocturnal vurps, I was sleeping on my right side. Hmmm...so I'm also going to try to avoid sleeping on my right. But by propping myself up, I can now sleep on my back. Which is great for me as a back-sleeper, so I won't miss the right side. (ETA - yes, you can sleep on your back, as long as you are propped up, so really sleeping sitting up, legs outstrecthed, on a slight incline. You can't sleep on your back if you sleep flat.)

Everything else with the critter girl looks great. It was a quickie OB visit really, BP is fine, fundal growth is on track, doppler has strong HB, cervix is still long and closed. YAY!

We now go every 2 weeks, for more of the same checks. This is starting to feel real, people!

totally gross

I know that with being pregnant, and all the good that comes along with that - kicks, rolly-polly, cute belly, eventual baby - there are some less-than-good symptoms that can happen. Some you hear about, and some that no one seems to want to acknowledge.

I've been very lucky so far. Other than some queasiness and food aversions (which ended early in the 2nd tri), and some sporadic leg cramps and hip pain at night, I've been relatively symptom-free.

But over that last few weeks, I've had this really odd thing happen. Not just odd, but gross. Totally gross, in fact.

I've been woken up out of a dead sleep by the sensation of bile quickly rising in my throat, about to spew all over me. Ewwww. And I don't feel nauseous, this is not a queasy thing. Its just throwing up out of nowhere. While I'm sleeping, for goodness sakes!!

Let me also say, to me, vomiting is one of the worst experiences known to man and woman. I HATE to throw up. I will do anything to avoid it. I have strong throat muscles and will will-power through most potential throw-up episodes. I just will not do it.

So this new pregnancy "trick" is really upsetting me. I wake up, go quickly upright (not so easy at 28 weeks!) and swallow. Yuck. One time, I even aspirated some yuckiness, and ended up coughing for 20 minutes. Super yuck.

What the hell is this? I've never read about this anywhere - have others had this? I was able to avoid the pukes during the 1st tri, only to get them now? Blech.

Good thing I already love this critter girl so much. I know she is worth it, but seriously, girl, if you could do something to make this stop, I'd really appreciate it!

Randoms

I'm feeling the need to post, but I also feel like I don't have that much to post about these days. So this may be a bit of a random dump of thoughts, not really related or tied together. Sorry.

After such a whirlwind roller-coaster of a 1st tri, what with the bleeding, bedrest and blechyness, the 2nd tri has been a breeze. I have lost all food aversions, and just crave spicy food at the moment. I'm even back to cooking regularly, which is nice. I'm hoping this keeps up, I have actually really liked being pregnant these last few months. And as of this weekend, I'm done with the 2nd tri (I think, the whole trimester/month thing confuses me a bit). Can you believe it? I certainly can't. 3rd trimester? 28 weeks? Amazing.

We are really in full swing for prep for baby. Once I passed my self-imposed moratorium on all things baby, the flood gates opened I guess. I ordered a crib and baby furniture stuff. Delivered in a few weeks, it will be truly surreal to see it in my house. Honestly, I think I may spend a few days just sitting in the baby's room, staring at and touching all the furniture. Is that weird? Well, yes, but I don't care. It is just so exciting!

And we begin car shopping tonight. I currently drive a 9 year old Civic, which I love. Great little city car. But it is not the most practical or safe for a baby. So we are looking at small SUVs and small station wagons. OMG, station wagons!! I am becoming my mother. Tonight we look at Su.baru. We'll see how it goes.

And joy of all joys, it is getting cold here. I have never been more excited for a change of season in my entire life. Ever since the DL, I have been one of those always-hot people. Which is weird, because I used to be one of those forever-cold people. I used to hate the winter, dread the snow. Now, I can't wait!! My happy anticipation of winter may also have to do with the fact the critter is scheduled to arrive in January. Small detail.

There are many out in the bloggy world it seems either prepping for an FET/cycle, in a 2ww right now, or in early stages of OMG-I-got-a-positive-beta!! I'm wishing you all the best, and wish for things to go just as you hope. Me and the critter have everything crossed for you!

I'm making progress

I really am trying to embrace the fact I might end up with a baby. Embrace that others are normal, and want to celebrate said baby, and that I'm the weird, ultra-superstitious, and a tad crazy, one. But I think I'm improving. I think I'm making progress here.

I have been to several baby stores. Stores I was scared to even enter until after 20 weeks. I have been to several now. Sometimes more than one in a day! That's progress!

And at these stores, I've chosen stuff that I think the critter will need. Like baby stuff. Clothes, and cribs, and bathtubs, and bouncer seats. Real stuff that a real baby would use. Maybe even MY baby might use. Wow, that's progress, right? Not just a hypothetical baby, but MY critter baby.

And I've scanned all these things in the fancy-magic scanner thingy, and now they are all in my (well, the critter's) baby registry. Out there, for all the world to see. And for people that know me and coming to one of my showers to buy for the critter.

Granted, it was horribly overwhelming. There is so much stuff...and not all of it the baby needs. But stuff marketed to freaked out soon-to-be-moms like me that the baby allegedly needs. It is a lot to wade through. And for someone that has panic attacks even entering these baby emporiums, I am really proud of myself for picking out a whole registry of baby stuff. I researched, I weeded through, I asked a few moms I know. I think I did alright by the critter. She will have a place to sleep, things to wear, a place to bathe, and stuff to clean up her poop.

It is progress. And I'm proud of me for getting over the fear, embracing what is looking like my future reality as a mom of a critter, and just doing it.

Get me an umbrella!

There are showers in my forecast. Baby showers, with a chance of games. ACK!!

As you may all know - cause I told ya! - I am not too into girly things. Like Bachelorette parties, large gaggles of women, ladies's nights, that sort of thing. And as you might imagine, baby showers fall into this category of dreaded things too.

But you know I can't get out of it. Or them, as the case may be. I know this is how other people express their happiness about me (finally!) having a baby. And I can't be grouchy about that, I guess. So I will smile, go along, and hopefully not have to play too many games. Good lordy, I hate those games.

So I am having 2 showers thrown for me - a contrast in shower styles. First, my MIL is throwing me a traditional shower in mid-November. This will be a Sunday luncheon shower in the 'burbs, women only. I'm sure there will be games, lots of pink decorative stuff, and opening of gifts in public. I will surely receive lots of frilly pink stuff. Imagine me with a smile plastered on my face for 3 hours. My cheeks will be sore.

In contrast, my SIL is throwing me a shower that I think I can tolerate better. It is a couples shower, cocktails and buffet dinner, no games, minimal present opening. And it is right before Xmas, so it will also be the holiday party for our group of friends. So really, like a normal get-together with friends - of both the female and male variety! - to celebrate our imminent arrival. I think I can do this type of shower.

A consequence of having this weather in my forecast is having to register for baby stuff. And geez Louise, babies need a lot of stuff. But that is another (long) post for another day.

Have a good week!!

p.s. have you noticed I'm becoming more confident that a baby might come out of this? Good eye! I have been feeling much more relaxed in the past week or so. Extra movement, reaching 26 weeks, looking huge, it is all helping my psyche. Damn, am I jinxing myself for admitting that? ACK!!

On my own...sorta

My Mr. P has left the building. And the country. And the hemisphere.

He's gone on a 8-day trip to Asia, and even though he just left yesterday (and is still flying as I type this!) I miss him already. He took this trip last year too, and during that week away, I found out we had 2 euploid blasts. YAY! And my then-unmarried friends told me confidentially they had just discovered a whoopsie pregnancy. UGH!!

I'm hoping this week is less eventful than that one was.

But looking back, I am in such a different place from last year. I was on a break from cycling, working out like mad, and wondering if there was ever going to be an end to this craziness of IF.

And this year, while I'm alone again, without Mr. P being here, I'm not really alone this year. I have the critter. (OK, and my sweet kitty Umps, who is snuggled up on me now and helping my type - good kitty!) But this critter - she keeps me company. She has been especially active the last 2 days, which is great company. I love her movements, mostly when they are not focused on my bladder, and even then it's ok. We're keeping each other company. It's nice.

Such a different place from last year.

the charm

As in, third time's the charm.

We saw chambers, people. 4 of 'em. In her little bitty heart. And we even saw her little heart valves clicking away, just as they should. She is still growing, and measuring right on track. She looked bigger to me today, more like a baby every time.

And if you heard sounds of liquid hitting the floor this morning, it was just my heart melting completely when the critter YAWNED. OMG, it was the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life, she yawned and stretched her arm over her head. Sigh, I think I'm in love.

She is charming her way right into my heart, and she is not even here yet. Boy, am I in trouble. Good trouble. :)

25 weeks

Another week down! Every week, I look forward to the turning of the calendar, it never gets old.

Things are about the same, although I had my first real bout of horrible heartburn on Saturday. It was what I call "vampire" heartburn, because it feels like i have a stake driven through my chest, and it goes all the way through my back. Ouch. But after about 8 Tums over a few hours, it went away. Not sure what caused it, it began in between meals. Who knows. But it has not come back, so hopefully it will not be a regular occurrence. I've never been one to have heartburn, I think I've had it twice in my life, so maybe I'm not prone to it? Please, let that be true!

We got tomorrow for our 3rd try u/s to catch one last glimpse of the critter's 4-chambered heart. I'm just looking forward to seeing her again. She's been very active lately, bouncing around. I really really really like feeling her move. I've said it once, I'll say it again, feeling critter movement is by far my favorite part of being pregnant. Love it. Never gets old.

And did you see - Dr. Edwards, pioneer of IVF, was just awarded the Nobel Prize in Medicine. It is a bit sad, as he is elderly now, and in failing health and may not be able to accept this award in person, but I'm so glad he and his work are being acknowledged. His work has certainly changed my life, and am thankful every day that IVF was an option for me. Thank you, Dr. Edwards, and congratulations!

Have a good week!!

Getting to know you...

Since I have nothing of much interest to write about these days - a very good thing! - and Irrational Exuberance over at So Much for Simple and Easy "tagged" me, I'll share! These are all non-hormone, IF or any of that crapola related questions. So here ya go:

1) What's the best dish you can cook?
Oooh, that's a toughie, as I cook a lot. Like almost every day, at least 2 meals. And I think I'm pretty good at it, if I do say so myself! But I am also a fickle cook, and go through phases with what I'm cooking. And I don't generally follow recipes. So I don't have a classic - aside from a killer tomato sauce - that is always in the rotation. But with the fall weather starting up, I am looking forward to breaking out the chicken pot pie again, mmmmmm, with olive oil herbed biscuits on top. Yum in a bowl.

2) Have you ever been mentioned in the newspaper? What for?
I have to say I am proud of myself for remaining fairly un-google-able. But if you do google me, aside from stuff from my old job, you will only find me quoted in an article about ice cream. Several years ago, Mr. P and I had walked to a newly opened ice cream store one afternoon, and were interviewed by the local paper. I think I am quoted as calling him "Ice Cream Boy" in the article. This article was apparently picked up nationally, so we are quoted in all sorts of newspapers. Nice.

4) When you were a teenager, at what age did you envision getting married?
Honestly, I'm not sure if getting married was even on my radar as a teenager. I was so focused on going to college, then working a few years, then going to grad school for another 5+ years, that marriage was never high on my list. And even when Mr. P and I started dating, we did it all backwards. First we bought a house, then got a cat, then years later got engaged, then got married. And I was very surprised when we got engaged, it just wasn't on my radar screen. I guess I never saw marriage as necessary for being in a committed adult relationship, or having kids. But Mr. P did, and here we are!

5) What's your most hated household chore? What's your favorite?
Hate, hate, hate doing floors. Even swiffering gets on my nerves. I don't mind doing laundry, and I don't even see grocery shopping or cooking dinner as a chore. I like to do those things!

6) What's your earliest memory?
It was a month before I turned 4 years old, and it was Christmas. Santa came to our house and I sat on his lap and told him what I wanted for Xmas. But what really stands out is more of a sense memory, of using my fingers to look through his beard to find his mouth. So that I could give him the straw so he could drink his scotch on the rocks. As I later found out, this was our neighbor's father dressed up, and he would hang out and have a cocktail or three with my parents after the Santa stuff was over. Apparently my dad did the same thing for his kids. Nothing like a boozy Santa. Ahhh, the 70's. How did we all survive? :)

Passing this along, to some lovely ladies who might need a distraction from their hormones right about now:
Patience at Searching for the Missing Piece
R at One Egg Please
Cassie at Try, Try Again

Stats, Sugar and Sniffles

My mental milestone was reached - 24 weeks! This has been a big one in my mind. I've always read (and therefore equated with truth) that 24 weeks = viability. But looking at the real data, that's not 100% true. I looked at the numbers - and numbers don't lie - we've reached the threshold of 50/50. 50% of babies born now would survive. And these odds go up every week. So while the stats aren't as good as they will be at say, 37 weeks, they are much better than they have been. But I'm still pulling for the 37 weeks!

I had my monthly OB visit yesterday. And did my glucose screening test. I had to "chug" (exact wording from the nurse, it must be a technical term) the sugary drink, which was fruit punch flavored and not too bad. At least not bad going down. But it had some aftertaste, and all I wanted to do was chase it with some water. But I was a good girl, waited my hour, had my blood drawn (it had been so long since a blood draw! WOW!), then chugged the water. Results either today or tomorrow.

The rest of the OB visit was good, although I think I am gaining too much weight. The doc did not say anything to me about it, but I think I've already gained like 20+ pounds. And I was not underweight to begin with. More on the high average end. More salads, less burgers. The critter girl is growing well, fundal height is right on, and her heart was thumping away. I also had a manual cervix check, and still long and closed. So all is well and I go in another month.

The weather has turned cooler here - that could be the best news I've ever written (non-critter related, at least). But I was outside all day Saturday and caught a cold. Damn. So I've had the sniffles/stuffies for the past few days. Blech. And I am feeling militant these days, and don't want to take anything. I did do a home-made neti pot thing, and it really seems to have cleared out a lot of the snotties. Not pleasant, but effective. I hope this goes away soon. Sleep is hard enough these days, without the fact of not being able to breathe.

That's it for now. Have a good week!!

23 weeks

23!! Can you believe it? Pinch me! I don't think I ever really thought I'd get this far. Fingers remain eternally crossed this quiet-ness continues.

The critter-girl is doing well, and really getting strong. She must have a weight room in there, in addition to her busy import/export business (via her u cord, of course!). Or maybe she has those TaeBo DVDs. Either way, she has been getting stronger this week, and her latest trick is kicking/punching/twitching so hard that you can see her move from the outside. My belly actually visibly moves. It could be the neatest thing I've ever seen, and I now spend a significant portion of my day staring at my belly.

I've also begun to think nursery stuff. This is big progress for me, as I've been very scared to really admit a baby might be coming, and that said baby might need stuff. Like a place to sleep. But I think in the past week, especially with her strong movement and reassuring u/s, I'm ready. I think I've settled on a crib style, and changing table/dresser. I went to a big baby store to look at bed linens too. Big progress for me.

It is funny, I've read other blogs of pregnant people, and they have the nursery done or close to done by now. Or at least really well thought out. I'm behind the game I guess, but really, I just can't believe this is real.

But I'm starting to. I'm becoming slightly more convinced this might actually work. Fingers still crossed though.

So stubborn!

I think I might be in trouble. This little girl I am carrying around is one stubborn girl.

We went for our 2nd u/s this morning, to get the 2 heart views Miss Stubborn Girl would not show us last time. Well, today we got 1 of the 2 shots, but the final shot was still elusive. She had her arm up, casting a shadow, and when we did catch a glimpse, she immediately rolled over and wouldn't move back. She is still breech (not that I needed an u/s to tell me that, my bladder is well aware).

While we (me, Mr. P and the tech) saw all 4 chambers of her heart (the elusive shot we're missing), Miss Stubborn Girl did not stay in position long enough to snap a picture to show the doc. So while we know she is ok, the proof is in the picture.

We will go back in 3 weeks to try one last time.

And secretly, I love this little smart, tricky girl. I whispered to her at the end that she did perfectly! She knows Mommy wants to see her again, so she let me see just enough not to worry about her health, but not enough so the doc is satisfied. I can have another peek at her. Good girl!

22 weeks

Yay! Another uneventful (pregnancy-wise) week down! I am so happy to be ticking these weeks off, and I really hope things continue down this smooth path. Smooth = Good.

Major symptoms this week: hip pain/leg cramps when sleeping most nights, more frequent critter movement, cravings for spicy food, lower abdomen achiness from gut-stretching. And I have the Sponge-bob Square-tummy look that Jill sported. My belly button is getting shallower, but hasn't popped yet. I look like a tufted pillow. And TeeJay, no belly pics for me. I'm just too shy and self-conscious. Trust me, I got a belly. :)

We had such a fun weekend of birthday celebrations with my niece. She had a big party (for a 3-year old) on Saturday. I think this is the first time I did not have the IF pangs while around so many kids. I actually felt that I might belong there. With all those parents and kids. It really hit me during the party, that I didn't have those feelings of dread, shame, envy. A big first for me.

Could I be beginning to heal? Wow, a deep thought.

We also went with my niece to see a friend's band play in a local park. Hippie music, but fun to dance to in the sunshine. And my niece, she loves the loud music, loves all the people, loves to dance. She even had a Grateful Dead t-shirt on! Sooooo very cute. She is so her father's daughter (my brother) who loves nothing more than going to rock concerts.

So that's it. We have the follow-up u/s tomorrow morning, which I am really looking forward to. May be the last critter-lady peek for a while. I'm not too worried going into this u/s, not like I was the first time. So hopefully I can enjoy it even more.

Have a good week!!

21 weeks (I'm legal!)

Whooo-hooo! Break out the shot glasses - I'm at 21! Weeks. Not years. And that would be shots of milk. Oh well, not as much fun as it sounds.

21 weeks (well, at this point, 21 and a half!). Things are chugging along here. Critter-lady is bouncing around, enjoying her new-found muscles. She likes to stand up (breech) and jump around on my bladder. Loads of fun for her, not so great for me. But it still makes me happy every time she moves. I just LOVE feeling movement. It is the coolest thing.

I am officially in maternity clothes. I broke down and bought some maternity jeans and fall tops. Honestly, it looks so much better than what I'd been trying to get away with. Mr. P said, now you look like a pregnant lady, not someone who is trying to hide how fat she has become. It's true, baggy clothes do not flatter a preggers lady. I say, show off the bump, and it has the nice effect of making everything else look smaller. Works for me.

I've been feeling pretty good, sleeping a bit better than in past weeks (less leg cramps). My stamina is still crap, but I have a feeling that is not gonna change. I do what I can, and take it easy the rest of the time. My ankles are beginning to swell a bit, as are my fingers. My engagement ring feels tight all of the sudden. Not sure if there is anything I can do about this. Any suggestions?

We go next Tuesday for the follow-up u/s, and I'm looking very very forward to it. Can't wait to see the critter-lady again. And I'm not sure when I'll get to see her again - no one has mentioned u/s after this. Will I have none til she's born? I'm not sure, I need to ask at my next OB visit.

So that's it. I have family in town the next 2 weekends, so a busy stretch is coming up. And my niece's 3rd birthday party! I think time flies faster for these little kids - they grow up so fast!

Have a good (short) week!!

Touchy

Good lord, when did it become ok to touch someone else's body? Just reach out and touch them?

I got touched so often this weekend, I feel like my stomach is now community property. No longer belonging to me.

Granted, it is with good intentions. But geez! It's not all baby, some of that is my leftover IVF/DL/FET fat. So random people are rubbing my fat. Nice.

We had a party at my brother/SIL's house on Saturday, where the news of "It's a girl!" spread like wildfire. It was actually all that anyone wanted to talk to me about. Have I become that one-dimensional? All I can talk about is babies? I kept thinking how I know there are women at this party with IF woes (some who I know about, I'm sure others that I don't) and how me being pregnant must be hard for them. It hurt me to think about, and remembering clearly being on the other side. But everyone else kept bringing up the baby thing, so it was forever talked about. So I'm sorry, people-at-the-party for all the baby-talk. Trust me, I wanted to talk about the Cubs (well, not really, they are terrible, but you know what I mean!).

And even more insane was a wedding of one of Mr. P's young (gosh, they seem so young to me! but they are like mid-20s I guess) cousin. So a huge Irish/Italian wedding. And this was the first time I've seen this side of his family since getting pregnant. Ooooh boy, I was touched. By everyone. People I'm not really sure who they were. Touching me. Mr. P at one point said we should charge a dollar for every belly touch, we'd be rich already. Seriously, I felt a bit violated. But what can you do? They all mean well. I know this. But again, it just seemed excessive, and I kept thinking there was someone out there who was hurt by seeing me.

It is a strange place, being the person I used to shoot eye-daggers at. And while I tried to keep things low-key, the world does not allow this. The majority of the world, the fertile world, are baby-crazy. They don't get that some of us have struggled.

Mr. P's mom (who could be the most baby-crazy of them all, we are her only shot at grandkids, and she is surrounded by her gazillion nephews and nieces) made some comment about a biblical passage she read at the wedding, of the man existing because of the bones given to him by a women (or something like that, don't ask the atheist to understand) and she gestured to my belly and said, "Like you, little baby, the combination of the man and woman" and Mr. P and I both laughed and said, "Yeah, that, and several doctors, a lot of science, and even more money!"

I guess we can still be a little touchy about this ourselves.

Surprise, surprise!

The Level II was awesome!!! I want to do that every single day.

So I'm not accused of holding out on you guys, I'll get right to it - SHE is healthy and growing well. Yup, that's right. SHE. It's a GIRL!!

Apparently my maternal intuition is complete crap. My predictive pregnancy dreams also lie. And my fantasies of a baseball-themed nursery have been put on hold.

And I could not be happier about it! Shocked, surprised, stunned - but also really really happy! So my fantasies of cute dresses, tea parties, all-girl rock bands (she'll play base), and all things purple have kicked in. So exciting!!

The scan itself took almost 2 hours, with several breaks of me just laying on my side or moving around in an attempt to get the girl-critter to move around too. She was very active at the beginning (I fed her sugar of cookie and apple juice ahead of time) and we got most of the measurements. But after about an hour, she got bored, curled up, and took a nap. So we are missing 2 heart measurements (of 6 total). So I get to go back (WHOOO-HOO) in 2 weeks for another peek. Which delights me to no end. The doc and tech are not concerned, but just want a complete report. Fine by me.

I am also incredibly relieved that she is healthy. We looked at most parts of her, measured bones, skull, brain, kidneys, heart, lip, and all sorts of other things - and everything was perfect. Huge sigh of relief. And they also did a quickie vaginal u/s (can't escape the dildo cam!!) to check on my cervix, which was long and closed. Hallelujah! I can now relax a bit and begin to plan for the future. Which I had not let myself do much up until now.

So a happy day of surprise and relief. :)

20 weeks

Can you believe it? Time passes, as usual, and I'm still amazed by it. You think I'd get used to it by now, but each week, I'm like, "WOW! I made it another week!" Pinch me, I made it half-way!

A first this weekend - I was asked by a stranger (the cashier at the grocery store) when I was due. So I must be beyond the beer-gut phase, and into the oh-no-she's-not-fat-she's-pregnant phase. Which is a nicer place to be. Granted, I was wearing a tighter, non-maternity shirt, so my belly was more prominent, but still. Not mistaken for fat, no, it's a baby in there. That's good.

Critter is still moving around in there, but at more random times. It seemed like last week we were getting on a routine, but now it seems more random. Who knows, but as long as I keep feeling movement, it is ok by me.

And I am beside myself with anticipation for tomorrow's Level II u/s. I CANNOT WAIT!! I think the waiting gets harder as it gets closer, I can't tell myself now to calm down because I still have 2 more weeks. It's TOMORROW! It is like I've been jonesing for some u/s love. My u/s addiction needs to be fed!

I'm sort of nervous too, nervous they will see something bad. That happened to my SIL, ugh, and it scares me. But I'm trying to stay positive, trying real hard. Belly is big, so it means the critter's growing, right? And he's kicking a lot, so he must be ok, right? Damn, I hope so.

And we'll find out if my maternal intuition is correct - if the critter is indeed a boy. We'll know tomorrow. TOMORROW! Ack! So soon, so far!!!

Breathe, Pie, breathe. Whew, ok. Tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

OB visit was fine

Had my 15 minute OB visit today - pretty uneventful, as predicted. Blood pressure is fine, weight gain is fine (although it startled the hell out of me to see that high number!), heartbeat is fine (150), tummy growth is fine.

I really like fine. I hope we stay with fine forever and ever.

Let's at least keep fine going through Tuesday, with the big Level II.

Who am I now?

I'm having trouble finding a space for myself. Here, on the interwebs, I mean.

I know I have some readers who know me from IVFC (or whatever it is called these days) and I loves you guys! So much support, wisdom, and love you've given me over the last year or so. But lately, I have been quiet, lurking more on the boards these days. I guess I don't feel I have much to add, and I know that many on the board are still struggling to get to their goals. And I often feel strange about talking pregnancy stuff on an IVF board.

And there are so many people to keep up with, if I miss even a day, I feel hopelessly behind, and have trouble keeping up. So I lurk around here and there, keep tabs on the girls I've "known" for a while. And read their blogs (those that have them) religiously.

So I went looking for other places. I went to a few pregnancy boards, and whoa! I do NOT fit in there. It is like another world, those fertiles live in. And while they are at the same place with me in my pregnancy, I feel like we are worlds away from each other. It is strange.

So I stay here, in my own little corner of the bloggy world. It is like those pregnancy books I read, I somehow feel like I don't quite fit in with those books. I feel like I don't quite fit in with my long-supportive online IF world anymore. I feel like I'm not a "normal" pregnant lady, but I'm not the hard-core IFer I once was either.

I dunno, I guess it is hard to explain. Just something that has been on my mind lately, and writing it down to try to make sense of it.

19 weeks (!)

Wow, 19 weeks. It sounds so unreal. The highest of all the teens. And I made it! Wow.

Everything is cruising along here. The critter is still fluttering and thunking, although when I tried to get Mr. P to feel him move, the critter instantly stops all movement. So I'll have my hand on my tummy, and feel the critter move, and then switch my hand with Mr. P's hand, and the critter will stop. Tricky little critter. We'll catch him at some point, but not a good sign that the critter is already outsmarting us, in utero.

I continue to feel pretty good, but I'm still tired, or at least have low stamina. Or maybe I'm just scared to push things, so I tend to take it easy when I can. Other than that, odd body changes include really really really dark nipples (seriously, it is so odd to see them and know they are the same ones I've looked at for the last 37 years), gas coming out of all orifices, hurting hips and sometimes leg cramps at night, nails growing fast. And of course, the belly.

I love my belly. I can't wait for it to get bigger. I'm in constant amazement that it is bigger, that it will get bigger still, and that it belongs to me. Well, me and the critter. And I'm one of those people, I touch my belly all the time. I just love it. I think it is my favorite part of being pregnant so far, this belly. Well, that and feeling the critter thunking away.

That's about it. OB appointment (where I'm not really sure what happens, not much I think) is Friday, and the Level II u/s (where EVERYTHING happens!) is a week from tomorrow. Let's hope time passes quickly!

Have a good week, all.

Thunking

The past few days I've been feeling thunking. Uterine thunking.

I am almost certain this is the critter. While there are still ambiguous flutters (Is that gas? Am I about to embarrass myself again by farting?), these thunks are much more clear. And they make me smile every time.

The thunking is also waaaay reassuring. Now, I know things can still go horribly wrong at any point. But it is also nice to know that the critter is at least healthy enough at this point to give me a whack here and there.

I will say though, that I'm oddly surprised at how low the thunking is. I think in my delusional thinking about what being pregnant would be like, I just imagined everything being higher in my belly. But really, that does not make any sense, now that I think about (and feel) it. My uterus is expanding, but it is still below (or just at) my belly button. Which means, I feel thunking down there, between my belly button and lady-parts hair line. Logical, right? Yeah, but for some odd reason, this surprised me. I guess I'd been stuffing the pillow under my shirt up too high! hahaha

I have an OB appointment a week from tomorrow, and we are 12 days out from the big u/s. It feels like it will never get here!

did you just hear something?

Boy, things are boring around here. Snooze-ville. Thank your chosen deity for that.

Nothing much new to report on the critter front. I think I still feel movement, but it is not regular, and I'm still sort of doubting if it is the critter or gas. Because I am one seriously gassy girl. Trust me, be glad you are reading this from a distance and not sitting next to me. I've always been on the gassy side - mild IBS will do that to you - but things are getting much, ahem, noisier around here. On both ends.

And I'll leave you with that image. You're welcome.

a Dream and a Prediction

Ok, you all are still there. Whew! And kudos to you lurkers who came out to say hi to me. I love, love, love to hear from lurkers! I began as a lurker (didn't we all??) and it was a big step to begin commenting regularly. So keep it up, and you will be a lurker no more!

I had my first legit baby dream last night. I tend to have more bizarre, nonsensical, less reality-based dreams, so this is a change for me. Not that is was totally reality-based, but its as close as I get.

It began with me at my OB's office (although it didn't look like her office, ya know how that happens in dreams?) Anyway, I was there for my big u/s, and was nervous. I was talking to the nurse, and she was asking me all these odd health questions, which had nothing to do with being pregnant. She was annoying me, and I was relieved when the doctor finally came in.

She asked me to stand up, and I did. She lifted up my shirt, and squirted the gel all over my belly. She then gave me a pencil, and told me to put the eraser end under my chin, because the u/s may hurt a bit. (Yeah, who knows what that pencil part was about - how does a eraser under your chin ward off pain?? And u/s don't hurt! Odd.) Anyway, we did the u/s with me standing up, squatting slightly. With a pencil under my chin. Odd again.

The u/s itself was the clearest picture I've ever seen, like a professional digital camera image. First of a little fetus, then it morphed into an infant, and HE waved at me. Then he changed into a toddler, smiling at me. Then he had a younger BROTHER next to him. It was like "This is your child's life" in ultrasound. Wouldn't it be nice if that is what u/s actually did?

We took lots of pictures to show Mr. P - where was he? He has not missed an appointment yet! - and that was it. What a great dream!

So I'm not sure if I've mentioned it here on the blog, but I've been pretty much convinced the critter is a boy. So clearly this dream confirms I am in total certainty it's a boy. We will find out for sure (if the critter cooperates, that is) in less than 3 weeks. So I'm putting my prediction of a boy out there to the universe.

Time will tell. And geez, do I hope they have that same u/s machine at the big appointment!