a blog goodbye

I know I have been a terrible blogger as of late. I think it means it is time to move on from this space.

But a quick update, before I go. Last we met, I was thinking of going to the far away clinic to give it one more fresh cycle try. Well, that didn't happen. After reviewing the cost, even with our amazing full-coverage insurance, it would have been 15-20k out of pocket. Ouch, right? I just could not justify spending that kind of cash on my 40 year old questionable eggs. So I did a consult with a local clinic, at a place where 100% of the treatment/monitoring/etc was covered by my insurance. Meds too. I'd only have to pay copays, resulting in a few $100 spent out of pocket. Quite the contrast from the tens of thousands possibly spent at the far away clinic. I brought my protocol from the far away clinic with me, and asked if I could cycle with them doing the far away protocol. The same protocol that resulted in the Critter. They said yes.

So I did a fresh cycle this month. I seemed to stim pretty well, a few eggs shy of the Critter cycle, but still respectable. About 10-13 follies seen, all growing on pace with each other. Then my estrogen leveled off at like 1200, with several more days of stims to go. The nurse says Cetro.tide can do that, but I knew something was up. Retrieval day comes, and my suspicions are right on target.

Of all those follicles seen, at least half were empty and only 6 eggs retireved. Of those, 4 were mature. And NONE fertilized normally. Zip, zero, nada. We didn't even make it to Day 1. How's that for a sign that my eggs are now total crap?

Honestly, if I could not have the outcome of a live healthy baby, then this outcome was my next choice. I wanted a clear answer, a clear direction, and eggs that turn to mush is about as clear as it gets. Much better than iffy betas, or even worse, miscarriage. No "what ifs" here. Which is kind of a relief.

And with that, our family is complete. My fertility journey is over. Its been quite the ride. A ride that resulted in the Critter, so I wouldn't trade it for anything (well, maybe trade it for sex = baby). But I am ready to be done now, ready to have caffeine and drink wine and sit in hot tubs and live my life without fear of hurting my fertility.

And so, I think it is time to shut down this space too. Clearly, I've been terrible about posting, as my mind is elsewhere these days. Like on getting the Critter ready for preschool at Montessori in less than 2 weeks!! And losing some of this weight I've gained over all these stims cycles. I still keep up with some of my close bloggy friends, and I'm sure that will continue, even if I'm not great about commenting. And if anyone knows of a way to get a blog printed out (and bound like a book? does someone on the internet do that?), please let me know. I want to keep this record of the journey forever, perhaps to share with the Critter when she's older.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to all of you that have shared this crazy journey with me. There is no way I would be here without all the support and love. Best wishes.

Peace out.