35 weeks

I'm doing a big **happy dance** this morning. Ok, really I'm lying in bed just wiggling my toes and humming a happy tune, as dancing is not really bedrest-friendly. But HOORAY! 35 weeks today!

For all I complain about bedrest, and trust me, I've been complaining quite a bit (I'm bored! I'm cranky! I want to make dinner! Wah, wah, wah!) there have been some positive results from it. Obviously, not dilating or effacing any more is a big one. But remember the swelling in my feet, especially the right one? Gone. My feet and ankles look normal. No more cankles. Amazing what staying horizontal can do.

And I've gotten all my Xmas shopping done. Lots of online shopping this year, and I'm done early! I've also gotten ahead on birth announcements. I've narrowed it down to a few contenders, so depending on if we go with a picture or not, it will be easy to get it printed. And even better, I've taken all the mailing addresses and consolidated them into a spreadsheet. They had been all over the place before, different lists, locations. Now they are all together, and it will be super-easy to get that mailing out.

So bedrest sucks, but at least there are some benefits. The biggest one being - we got to 35 weeks! Hooray!

Have a good weekend!!

today's version of the version

34 weeks, 5 days.

Still bedresting, nothing new in the ute to report. Things down there have been thankfully quiet. Well, except for the critter wiggling around. She's having a good ole time.

Still not sure where I am with the whole breech baby thing. I'm pretty sure she is still breech. She moves a lot, but more wiggles, shakes and rolls, not flips or turns. And thanks for all your thoughts on this - it is helpful to hear what others think. I have heard that moxa (simplified explanation: burning herb bundle near your feet) can be used to help babies turn. I might try this, as my acu lady from the FET prep did moxa on me before, but I have to wait til I'm off bedrest, so at least another week and few days. I'm not sure if I'm missing a window of time here to do the moxa, but I have to wait til 36 weeks either way.

As for doing the version, I'm still torn. It is more of a medical intervention than it may seem, involving me taking terbutaline which would prevent ute contractions. It happens in the hospital under acute monitoring, in case they need to do an emergency c-section. They most likely would not give me an epidural, as it can be counter-productive in her moving, but rather other systemic drugs for pain relief. It can also be pretty stressful on the critter, and that really makes me pause the most. I mean, she's been healthy and good this whole time. Sure, I bled in the first tri, but she was unaffected. I'm really hesitant to put her in a situation where she'll be stressed (and by stressed I don't mean emotionally, I mean her heart rate and blood flow).

I guess I am hesitant to put her in a potentially dangerous situation, which has fairly crappy odds of success, when I can do a c-section. Maybe if my odds for success were higher, maybe that would sway me more. But 50% is not great, and given the risks, it is not that persuasive. And yes, I know, c-section is major surgery. It carries dangers too, especially for me. It is a lot to consider, for both me and her.

So today, I'm leaning towards no version. But ask me tomorrow, and my mind may change. I really just don't know. I have time to think about it (I hope!!), and really, the u/s at 36 weeks will weigh heavily into the decision process too. And I am sending her all sorts of "turn-baby-turn" vibes and encouragement. But this may be the first of many times that she just doesn't listen to her mommy. I better get used to it.

And interesting family tidbit, my mom told me yesterday that she and my uncle (her brother) were both born breech. Both delivered vaginally, after super-long labors. Granted, this was in the 1940's, so c-section wasn't common. But interesting that breech seems to run in the family.

My version

Still here, still bedresting. 34 weeks, 3 days.

Went to the OB yesterday for my now-weekly office visit. Very exciting to get out of the house, let me tell you. I put on shoes and everything! WOW, the highlight of my week is to be out of the house. Even if it is just to go to the doctor.

I'm at the same place, cervix-wise. A "generous" 1cm dilated, and cervix is the same length, about 1.5cm. So good news, no changes there.

I got many of my breech questions answered. It sounds like the pre-term labor episode does not really play into the breech thing. So basically, if I can get to 36 weeks (the next big goal) they will do an u/s to confirm her position and reassess her size. Then we decide whether to do an external version at 37 weeks. I guess being a little dilated does not mean we can't try a version. But, as the doc said, it will be up to me. I think her direct quote was "Given everything you've been through to get here, it's up to you if you just want her out." Meaning doing an elective c-section.

So now I need to read about (read: obsess) about external versions. The doc gave me about a 50% chance of it working, although that percentage could go down depending on her size at 36 weeks. She's already running big, good for pre-term delivery, not so good for versions.

I'm just not sure what I want to do, what my gut is telling me. My gut is confused. I'd really rather avoid a c-section, but I also am wondering if it is worth trying what could be a painful and maybe-harmful procedure to not have one. And I may go through the whole version procedure, and she still does not turn, and we're back to c-section anyway. I dunno.

Off to ask Dr. Google what she thinks.

Pregnancy books suck

I'm still at home, still bed-resting.

This weekend was pretty quiet (what, no raging parties in my bedroom??) and the critter decided to stay put. I continue to have odd twinges and sensations in the ute/pelvic floor/lower abdomen/hip flexor areas, and last night I did have 2 mild contractions. But nothing horribly painful, nothing organized, and it stopped. So I go to the OB later today for my scheduled appointment, we'll see what she says.

I'm hoping to get some clarity about the whole breech baby/scheduled c-section thing today at the appointment. I'm not sure how this will all work given the pre-term labor. If I can get that far, will they let me go to 37 weeks? Will they schedule me sooner? Will they even try an external version given the pre-term labor scare? I have no idea what she will say.

And this brings me to my latest bitch. Yet again, my pregnancy books are useless. Seriously, what a waste these books have been for me. I have been an outlier in conception, in pregnancy, and apparently now in labor and birth. These books talk about identifying early labor, and what they describe is NOTHING like what I went through. Sigh, I really should write a better pregnancy book, for the outliers. Granted, only a small percentage of people will find it useful (and it will scare the crap out of the normals, but that could be worth it right there!). And there is nothing really written in these books about pre-term labor. Nothing. So again, I'm googling for information. Pregnancy books suck, they are for normal fertiles. Don't waste your money.

So 34 weeks, 2 days today. Yup, I've resorted to counting the days too. Each day is a good thing at this point.

Big exhale - 34 weeks

Deep cleansing breath, peoples! Inhale...2..3..4..5.... and exhale..2..3..4..5....

Ahhhh, doesn't that feel better? I've been doing a ton of that over the past few days. And today, as it snows outside and looks pretty from my bedroom window, me-n-critter have reached 34 weeks. I feel relieved to make this first goal. And even my babycenter weekly email that tells me what is going on every week of the critter's development (I LOVE getting this email every week, it feels like a gold star for me) said that babies born from here on out tend to do very well. Just what I needed to hear.

Not that it has been all puppy dogs and rainbows around here. Yesterday I felt a lot like I did on Monday - I even napped again - and felt sort of vaguely achy, in a round ligament sort of way. Just the way it started before. But it did not progress into anything more painful, organized or anything else, so I'll just keep bed-resting.

And I may have freaked out a touch last night. I just began to feel very overwhelmed and totally unable to help myself. I feel like the nesting instinct has kicked in a bit, or maybe it's just the reality that this critter could come NOW, and I don't feel ready. We have no bed linens for the critter. Her clothes need to be washed. I had no hospital bag packed. I have no nursing bra. We had no food in the house. ETC...til I just began crying.

I think the bedrest part is way too hard at the end of pregnancy, just when I feel the need to get a bunch of stuff done. I know in my logical mind that it will all be ok, and people are around to help me, but emotionally, it is hard. I want to be able to prepare for the critter myself, and right now, all I can do for her is to keep her inside me by resting. That's enough, I know, but I feel like I'm just not ready/organized/prepared. It makes me wish I hadn't been such a scaredy-cat in the second tri, and gotten a lot more stuff done. Oh well, hindsight's a bitch.

Mr. P continues to be a trooper, and is doing everything he can to keep me sane. He even did a load of critter laundry at 11pm last night, just to calm me down. But he's stressed, with demands from work on him too, and it is stressful for me to see him stressed. He even went alone this morning to attend the infant CPR class we were signed up for. I guess it is good for at least one of us to know the info. Argh, it frustrates me I can't be there too.

So that's where I am this morning. Relieved to make it to 34 weeks. Frustrated and upset with bedrest. Feeling unprepared. Bored and antsy.

Deep cleansing breath. In and out. Rinse and repeat.

All Hell etc .... continued

If you are just tuning in to the latest soap opera that is my life, scroll down and read installment #1 from this morning. A fun read, let me tell ya.

Anywho...last we heard, I was wheeled down the city sidewalk to the hospital from my OB's office, cause I was in early pre-term labor.

So we went into triage, and got my ID band, peed in a cup, got into a hospital gown and got my IV port hooked up. They began IV fluids (just Ringers) right away, as they were concerned that some of this was being exacerbated by dehydration. Although I promise you, I had been good about drinking water. But whatever.

Then I got the shot from hell.

My OB told me they were going to give me 2 shots of betamethazone, a steroid that is given in 2 doses (once every 24 hours) to help mature the critter's still premature lungs. So in case she does come today, or soon, her lungs would be more ready for the outside world. Ok, sounds good. And as you may recall, I am not one to be squeamish about shots - heck, I advocate administering my own IM PIO shots in the ass! So the nurse comes in, and says this will be a thigh shot, as they have stopped giving hip/butt shots so they don't risk your sciatic nerve. Gotcha, that hurts, been there.

But holy-high-heaven-and-hell, that shot HURT. OMG, it was a ton of liquid, and damn, it hurt and burned. For a while after too. Ugh. But hey, it is for the critter, so I just swore up a storm and sucked it up.

Then I get formally admitted to labor & delivery. OMG, I'm going to L&D. So we get up there, and I'm put on the belly monitors that monitor the critter's heart rate, and another that monitors my contractions. And the nurse and resident pepper me with lots of questions. By now, about an hour in the hospital, my contraction seem to be lessening. Less often, and less intense. I still feel them, but I'm not having to pause and breathe through them. That's a step in the right direction!

The tiny resident lady gives me another internal (what is that, 3 people so far today with their hand up my crotch? It's barely noon). I mention that she is tiny because she also has small hands, which you'd think would be a good thing when imagining said hand up your cooch. Well, not so. Her hand was bony, and she really needed to shove it up there to reach my cervix. Ouch. Anyway, she says I'm at a "tight" 2cm dilated. Shit, so have I increased?

One thing I've learned through this ordeal is the whole estimating how far along in labor you are is super subjective. One OB's "loose" 1cm is another resident's "tight" 2cm. I mean really, they are just shoving their fingers up there and feeling around. So word to the wise, take these measurements, or should I say estimates, with a grain of salt.

Then the OB comes in, and says how she wants to break the tie between the office OB's "generous" 1cm and the resident's "tight" 2cm. Which means another internal. But this OB is a pro, and it was not too uncomfortable. Or maybe I'm just getting used to this. She says 1cm. Great, so not really progressed in the last few hours. More good news.

So the plan is to wait and watch how the afternoon goes. If I can stop this labor with bedrest and fluids, that is what we'll do. If I begin progress more, then I'll get meds to stop the labor. As I'm close to 34 weeks, the doc was not wanting to give me turbuline. She described some other medicine, a blood pressure med that acts as a smooth muscle relaxer to stop uterine contractions. Ok, fine, the plan sounds good to me.

So we hang out. Mr. P naps a bit (hey, wasn't I the one up all night??) then goes home to pick up some stuff for my stay at the hospital, and I watch TV. And try to relax. Honestly, I was feeling much better, both contraction-wise, and just being monitored so closely at the hospital. I know not everyone feels like I do, but hospitals are relaxing and reassuring places for me. My dad and grandfather are/were physicians, and I've spent much of my life working in various capacities in medical settings. I like the order, I like the technical machines and devices. I am comforted by this. So I was able to relax some, which I know also helped with the contractions too.

The only thing that sucked was I was not allowed to eat or drink, in case they needed to do an emergency c-section. Bummer. I was hungry! We got a quickie u/s done, and the critter looked good. She was moving a ton (she gets antsy when we're hungry). We couldn't get a full growth measurement, as she was moving too much. Bad news though, she was breech. I get another internal somewhere in here too, and things are the same.

Around 6pm the OB comes and re-checks me (this is my 6th internal of the day) and I've not budged. At all. Hooray! And the contraction monitoring shows things have slowed considerably. More hooray! So they are moving me out of L&D and into a regular room. They don't think she is coming tonight. Hooray again! And I am cleared to eat. Thank god.

So up to a regular room, eat dinner, and get ready for bed. Mr. P had run home to get me some toiletries, so I could brush my teeth, which was nice. Sleep was so-so that night, I was pretty keyed up and it took awhile to drift off. But what was the best thing was the contractions stopped altogether by about midnight.

Wake up Tuesday...no, wait Wednesday, to vitals, a new resident rounding, and not much else. Things were all quiet on the uterine front. An OB from my practice came in to see me, and basically said I was doing great, and if this continued I might get to go home that evening. I still needed my second steroid shot at 12:30pm, and she also wanted a good u/s, so get a sense of how big the critter is. Yay, I love u/s!

So Wednesday was basically hanging out in bed all day, waiting around. Got the second shot, still hurt. Waited til 5pm for the u/s. But it was worth the wait. Critter is growing very well, about a week ahead of her gestational age. Good critter. Her amniotic fluid looks good, as does the placenta and cord. She is most certainly breech (damn), and is estimated to weigh about 5 1/2 lbs. AWESOME! And best of all, she has the cutest chubby cheeks we have ever seen. So very cute.

I get discharged right after the u/s, with orders for bedrest for the next 2+ weeks. The goals, says my OB are: 1. get to 34 weeks (which is this Saturday); 2. get to 36 weeks. Basically, after 36 weeks, I'm off restrictions, and when I go, they aren't gonna stop me. The trick will be the whole breech thing. I have an OB appointment Monday afternoon, so we'll discuss it more then. But I think a (hopefully) scheduled c-section is in my future. Maybe by 37 weeks (which is Xmas day, btw)? I'm not sure, I guess that is getting ahead of myself a bit.

So super-long-ass story short, me and the critter are still as one. She seems to be doing fine through all of this, per usual, and I'm hanging in too. I'm currently in my own bed, and feeling the critter wiggle around. No contractions, just a few painless twinges and tightening here and there. Doc said that was to be expected. I'm to call with any fluid leaking, blood, or painful contractions. And now that I know what those feel like, I will be sure to call the doc's on-call line this time, I promise. I'm staying super-hydrated and peeing a lot. All good things.

Whew. What a few days. Never a dull moment with this critter. As my friend said, maybe the critter is getting all the drama out now, so I won't have to deal with it from her later. As my friend so perfectly put it "No facial tattoos at 11 years old, no meth lab in her bedroom." Right. Good perspective. This I can deal with. Meth lab drug raid in my house, that would really suck.

Jinx or All Hell Breaks Loose, Part Deux

Because All Hell Breaking Loose, Part One (see late May/June 2010 for the recap - bleeding/SCH at 7 wks, bedrest til 13 wks and detailed color analysis of all vaginal discharge throughout) was such fun, a big hit, you laughed, you cried, you read it again and again - Well, I'm here to please! That's right, All Hell had indeed Broken Loose again!

So I really should know better by now. All this grateful crap, all this feeling good bragging. Should have been a warning to me. Things do not go smoothly in my life, and things were going way, waaaaaay too smooth. I was feeling good. I was feeling - the kiss of danger - confident. I am in the home stretch, right?

Ha. I jinxed myself.

It all began on Monday. Well, even on Sunday I was feeling a bit achy. I thought it was just some mild round ligament pain - as all the books tell me the critter is packing on the fat at this point, adding up to 1/2 lb. per week. So I was feeling the stretch. No biggie. Sunday was spend mostly watching Mr. P move some last stuff to the storage locker (I may have lifted a few things, but nothing heavy) and then futzing with the mural on the nursery wall. Where we both decided we needed to paint the room before putting up the mural. So we stopped. Not a ton of activity, I promise.

Monday I did some laundry, had lunch with a friend, then went to the craft store. I was out and about no more than 3 hours. I felt tired, so I blew off the grocery store, came home and napped. Which I generally don't do, but hey, that critter is growing! Must be making me tired and achy. Right??

Made dinner, ate it, and still felt tired, and more and more achy. Achy on each side of my lower abdomen, right where all the books say is where round ligament pain happens. So, I do not worry.

Around 9pm, I am beginning to feel a touch of achy around my entire lower abdomen. By 10 it is coming in waves of achy, nothing consistent, but is achy - is it becoming pain? - and coming in waves. I still am not worried, or thinking this is important. We go to bed, but I can't sleep. Yup, it is no longer achy, it is pain.

So I spend most of the night breathing through the waves of pain. Inconsistent waves, not occurring with any regularity, sometimes 30-45 seconds of pain and tightness, followed 90 seconds later by more, sometimes 8 minutes til another one. Heck, I think I went almost 45 minutes between the pain at one point. And the books all say, true labor is consistent, gets more regular. That was not happening to me. So I figured this was some weird mix of Braxton-Hicks with round ligament pain. But, damn, it hurt. I was having to really breathe through the pain, and used my favorite guided imagery technique (I scubaed in Fiji a lot Monday night) to get through it.

So around 6am, I got up, took a warm shower (oooh, that felt good!) and called my OB. Of course, they are not open that early, and I was not deeming this a medical emergency that would page the doc on call, so I just left a message for the nurse. Note - the power of delusion was very strong here. I really could not believe anything was wrong, or I was in labor. Even though I was in these waves of pain that took my breath away. Denial - not just a river in Egypt.

Mr. P went to work, and I told him I'd call him when I spoke to the nurse. So around 9am, the nurse called back, scolded me for not calling the on-call line, and told me to come in for a 9:50am appointment. Called Mr. P, and told him I'd drive myself. Honestly, how insane in that? How strong was my delusion? It amazes me now. Anyway, thankfully, Mr. P was living in reality, and came home immediately to drive me.

Met with one of the nurse practioners, who did a cervix check. Lots of internal poking around. Said she thought I was dilated a tiny bit, and called in one of the docs for a second opinion. OB came in, another internal exam (this will be the theme of the day - internal exams) and yes, I'm beginning to dilate. They said I was a "generous" 1cm. Cervix has shortened to about 1.5-ish cm. And that I was going straight to the hospital, and being admitted for at least the next 48 hours. Maybe a week.

OMG, really? Can you hear my delusions begin to shatter at my feet? That's what heard. That, and tears. My tears. OMG, I'm in early pre-term labor. At 33 weeks.

So they wheeled me down the street to the hospital, and I got to go to all the places I saw on my hospital tour two weeks ago. OMG.

To be continued....

(but not to totally freak you out with suspense, there is a relatively happy ending. this post is just way long. will post more this afternoon, i promise)