More Puddles

Here are some more things that leave my heart in a giant puddle on the floor (the orally fixated edition):

~ The Critter's yawns. First off, I sniff her yawns - is that weird? I also do this to my cat, I just love her tuna-y breath. Anyway, the Critter's has milky sweet yawns and I just love them! And I get to see her gums (see below) and the sound she makes when she yawns, oooh! It's the most innocent, sweet sort of gaspy, sighy sort of noise. I will occasionally hear her on the monitor do a yawn, ans it breaks my heart every time.

~ The Critter's gums. Oh my lord, how in the world is there anything cuter than this girl's gums? I know, it sounds weird, but seeing her little pink horseshoe gum line is just the sweetest thing in the world. And maybe I love them so much because I get to really see them when she yawns (see above) and when she laughs and smiles (see below). But they are so cute just on their own too. Love my little gummy bear!

~ A baby's laughter. I know, it should say the Critter's laughter specifically, but really, I just love to hear any baby laugh. Yes, I have been known to watch You.Tube videos of babies laughing (and cute cats too) for many hours of wasted time. And the Critter does not disappoint. You can't help but laugh right along with her. And given I will do just about any crazy movement or silly sound to get her to laugh, it is a good stress release for both of us.

Big Day

Today was a big day.

I left the Critter Girl with strangers for the first time today.

OK, I just read that, and it sounds like I just dropped her at the bus stop with some randoms or something. No! I mean that I used the daycare at my gym today for the first time. Which feels like a very big deal.

The Critter and I have been attending classes together, like Mommy&Me yoga and Infant Massage. Which has been fun, and a good way to begin getting my post-partum fat ass moving again. But hitting the gym, where I spent a lot of time prior to getting pregnant, has not been done. My gym is great, they have everything you could want, it's more than a gym really. And they have daycare.

Yes, I have been apart from the Critter before. Mr. P and I had a date night a few weeks back, and I've been on my own for appointments to the doctor, dentist and hair colorist. But all of those times, she's been with family, either Mr. P or my MIL. Leaving her with people I don't know - that's a big thing.

So last week when we were there for Infant Massage, I got the Critter Girl registered (she got her own gym membership card! how cute!) and toured the daycare. They have a special room for the infants/pre-walkers and only take 6 kids at once. Seemed relaxed and nice. So I worked up the courage and signed the Critter up for an hour.

I'll admit it here - I was nervous. I had anxiety dreams last night about leaving her. Even if it was only for an hour, and even if I'd still be in the same building as her. And they could contact me with one of those buzzers that buzz, like when your table's ready at a busy chain restaurant. But I was still nervous.

When I dropped her off, I sort of got a little choked up. Seriously. I'm standing there in my work-out clothes, all ready to go, but not wanting to leave her. I think the ladies that work there thought I was nuts. But I was a big girl, took a deep breath and left her. I did my elliptical, and did a good long stretch (does anyone else's hips hurt like hell after childbirth? ouch.) And I may have gone back a few minutes early to get the Critter Girl.

And you know what? She was fine. Totally fine. Hung out and napped in the swing they have, had her diaper changed and was playing with one of the ladies. Happy as a clam. I think she may have done better than me.

Big day. Especially for Mommy.

One Year Ago

One year ago today, I was in a very different place. I was hopeful, doubtful, excited and scared. I was doing everything I could, like eating well, injecting myself and patching myself up with all sorts of meds, doing acupuncture, working out, destressing as much as I could.

One year ago today, I was at the far-away clinic. Mr. P and I talked about the what ifs, the maybes, the we hopes. We thought about Plan B while we hoped for Plan A.

One year ago today, I saw the Critter for the first time. She was just a thawed Day 5 4BB blast then, her image projected up on the wall of the transfer room. I thought she was a he.

One year ago today, the Critter and I became one for awhile. She was transferred into my ute, and thankfully she snuggled in tight, for the long 39 week haul.

One year ago today, although I didn't know it for sure at the time, I became a mom, and my life changed forever.

One year ago today. It is a day I'll never take for granted and surely a day I'll never forget.

Never again

Why do I do it? Why????

I will never ever never say things are going well again. Never. I promise.

The Critter Girl apparently reads this blog too, and she must have laughed her evil laugh (I've never heard it personally, but she must have, right?) and said, "We'll see about knocking on wood!"

She has been up at 3am the last two nights. She has really not done this before, not since she began sleeping through the night. Two nights ago, she was fussing, then crying. I changed her diaper, tried to put her back down, but she was having none of it. 4 oz. of formula settled her down, but she needed Daddy to finally get her back to sleep. Last night, she was much less fussy, just sort of chatting to herself in her crib. I let her do that for awhile, but it went on and on. Just a quick diaper change by Daddy settled her right down. I'm hoping tonight we go back to sleeping all the way through. We'll see.

And in unrelated bitching, when, oh when will it ever stop raining??? Ugh, this spring (what spring?) has been awful, and I'm over it. I am ready for sunshine and warmth. I am ready to take the Critter out in the stroller without fully bundling both of us up to our eyeballs. I am ready to wear short sleeves. Please.

Knock, knock

I'm knocking on wood. Lots of it. Keep on knocking. In fact, why don't you knock a few times for me? At least while you're reading this. Thanks.

Things are going pretty well around here. We've found our happy medium with feeding, the Critter has been a great over-night and fair nap sleeper, and she is now laughing. It's really good stuff.

The Critter Girl is 15 weeks old today.

She is holding up her own head pretty well. She is making all sorts of funny noises. She smiles all the time, and the laughs are just priceless. We're able to get out of the house more, crappy weather notwithstanding (where the hell is spring, btw???). We're finding our routine, and it feels good.

Things are good. Keep on knocking.

the happy medium

I've gone what? 2 weeks without discussing my boobs? Craziness!
How have you all survived? Hahaha.

Anywhooo, I wanted to write about the happy medium I've found with feeding the Critter. As you may recall, I began weaning her from the boob about a month ago (longer? I can't remember how long it's been). We subbed one feed with formula, and she got a bit umm...backed up. Prune juice intervened, and her bowels righted themselves. With some monumental poops. Seriously, prolific poop. I took pictures.

We then began a second formula feed, and she got backed up again. Prune juice to the rescue again. More giant poop. But now she's farty too. It's not really bothering her too much, but it is waking her up at night, and therefore waking me up too. We switch her to a different formula, and the farts decrease.

Meanwhile, my boobs were adjusting. I was feeding her boob juice first thing in the morning, in the early afternoon, and again before bed. My boobs began cluing in, and let me sleep through the night. They entertained the idea of doing yoga again. They stopped hurting all the freaking time.

Which brings us to today. 2 formula feeds each day, and the rest boob juice. And this seems to be working, for both of us. Critter is sleeping well, growing well. My boobs are no longer the bane of my existence. So here we will stay, for the foreseeable future. I'm hoping til 6 months.

We can have both. And both be happy with the compromise. Another example of the golden rule of parenting, as I'm discovering over and over again: Stay flexible and things will work out.

Puddles

These are some of the things that make my heart melt into a big puddle on the floor:

~ The Critter's wrists and forearms. Sigh. They are just so chubby, her wrists actually have fat rolls. Swoon, I love them sooo much. And her forearms have fat rolls too, oh my! It could not be cuter. And I love to gently touch them, they are so soft, so squishy, so plump!

~ Being the one who gets the Critter up in the morning. Ooooh, how I love this. I enter her room, sing-songing "Good morning! Good morning, little girl!" and she just lights up. Hugest smile, a contented laugh and the most luxurious stretch of happiness I've ever seen. It is an expression of pure joy, and I love to be the one that gets to see it.

~ Watching the Critter and her daddy nap together. A weekend must-do, they will nap on the couch, Critter on top of her daddy's chest. They both sleep with at least one arm over their head (I call it the "I surrender!" pose) and now the Critter will touch Daddy's chin while she sleeps. Oh my, so sweet!!

~ My furry first child Umps has been such a good big feline sister. She is always around during our Critter bedtime routine, and helps us put her to bed. And after, when we go downstairs to hang out, that sweetest kitty loves nothing more than to curl up with me and purr and sleep and cuddle. Ooooh, how I love her!!

~ That sweet spot on the top of the Critter's head. God, does it smell good! I've read this is evolutionary, to make sure parents bond with these needy babies, and boy does it work! I could hold and cuddle and sniff that Critter Girl all day long (and maybe have done just that on occasion!!). Mmmmm, she smells so good!