Tomorrow I'm leaving town, getting on a plane, and visiting my childhood home. Both my parents still live there, my mom in the house I grew up in.
I love my parents, but I also love that I live half-way across the country from them.
My mom knows all about the IF struggles, I had to tell her last X-mas when our trip home for the holidays was delayed due to an IUI. She has been supportive, but non-intrusive. She waits for me to tell her, and if I've been quiet, she gently asks if I want to talk about it.
My father, on the other hand, does not know anything. He has remarried, and while my step-mom is kind, and means well, and is generally well-intentioned, she can be very overbearing and talkative. Like cannot stop talking. And in all that talking at you, she can occasionally say some stupid things. Adding to that, my father and step-mom are both physicians. So they love to discuss all the medical details of whatever situation.
I have been debating over and over whether to tell them about what Mr. P and I have been going through. On the one hand, I want them to understand what's going on with me, the stress, etc. And for them to understand better when our schedule does not jive with theirs. But on the other hand, I simply don't want to have this conversation with my step-mom. I don't want to hear about all her friends that went through this or that, stopped trying and got pregnant, took the different protocol that I'm on and it worked, blah, blah, blah. She never had children. I think she and my dad may have briefly tried, and when it looked like it would not be an easy thing, that was it. No IF treatments for her. So I also don't want her living vicariously through my experience. I just don't want any part of sharing this with her, it will suck all the life out of me.
I will see her this weekend. And I know she and my dad are wondering what's up. She's asked my sister-in-law, who thankfully just played dumb. And I don't want to get into it.
So while I'm looking forward to going home (well, to my childhood home) I am not sure how I'm going to deal with all of this. My strategy is to avoid being alone in a room with her, avoid any sort of girl talk situations.
Wish me luck.
Repeat: Cold Peace
1 day ago
Hugs and safe travels!
ReplyDeleteI've given you an award - come by my blog and take a look!
i remember trying to figure out how to deal with the family. my mom always knew and while she can be overbearing, i sorta can't keep anything from her.
ReplyDeletewe finally had to break and tell DH's family after WAY too many "when are you going to have kids?" questions. you can only say "eff off" in a nice way so many times. his outside family doesn't know (atleast they shouldn't know) and they think it is unacceptable that we haven't had children yet.
best of luck!!!
I'm also going to my childhood home - though luckily we are going for an event so there will be lots of distraction. When I don't want to discuss something I usually have three or four "planned" items that I can discuss - like a recent movie, something at work, etc. Works like magic when faced with political discussion at my family's dinner table (there are LOTS of disagreements and I naturally avoid conflict so that's been my coping mechanism). Good luck!
ReplyDeleteComing from someone who has been very open with family about my journey, I can tell you that it is definitely a process that takes time to get all the kinks worked out. In the beginning, they really don't understand. They say well meaning things that frustrate you, they give well meaning advice that make you want to tell them to just shut up already. Along the way, you have to gently train them on what's appropriate and what's not and how to support someone with IF. Over time as they learn and especially watch you go through trial after trial, they start to get it. The headache in beginning starts to be worth it. They become an incredible source of comfort and support.
ReplyDeleteWhile it was not always fun involving family, I now can't imagine doing this on my own without them.
Best wishes in whatever you decide.
That's tough. I'm not very good at giving advice on talking about IF and treatments and such as I don't think I did a very good job of it in my own situation. However, if you are having that many issues, then maybe just tell them that you are trying and you'll see what happens. But then they will be full of addvice/assvice. Let me just say "good luck!" since I'm sure I'm not helping you. :-) And enjoy your trip as much as you can!
ReplyDeleteBest of luck this weekend!
ReplyDeleteDealing with telling (or not telling) family is hard. We are finally "out" to all of our parents, but it was a process. I do appreciate that all of them (ILs, my mom, my dad and his wife) are firmly in the "we support you and want to know what you are comfortable sharing, but we will always wait for you to broach the subject" camp. Of course, now I also interpret "so what's new with you?" and "how are you doing?" as loaded questions.
Hope your trip home is fun. And whatever you decide - whether to tell or not - I hope you feel good about your decision. We've told very few people - actually only my mom - about our IF issues. Good luck!
ReplyDelete...Not sure if this is 'legal' but I also nominated you for a one lovely blog award. Of the many blogs I am following you are one of the few that I feel as though there's a real similarity and connection. Good luck this weekend with the family.
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