This has been lurking around my mind for awhile now. I'm not sure exactly how to say what I want to say, conveying what I want to convey, without sounding like an idiot. A heartless idiot.
It is hard to blog honestly about parenting when you started blog-life as an IF blogger.
I try to be honest here, and this is the place where I can vent, complain, and otherwise get things off my chest that I might not be able to express IRL. It is such a tremendous help to me to have this blog, to have a place where I can say all sorts of junk. And junk it often is.
But now that I'm blogging about being a new parent, and all the ups and downs that comes with being a new parent (no matter how you got here), it feels strange sometimes. It feels like I'm being ungrateful. Like I'm being callous. Like I'm betraying my roots. My IF roots.
My goal is to be honest. And just because it was a struggle, a long, long struggle with multiple IVFs, travel through several states, and what feels like constant scares, I've made it to the "other side" of IF. I'm a mom now.
And that is great. Really, really great. Trust me, it was all worth it.
Buuuut...it is still an up an down road, this parenting thing. And on this blog, I do complain (dare I say bitch?) about the downs. Is that right to do, to an audience that may still be in the throes of IF? Still struggling to reach the goal? It feels bad sometimes.
Maybe my readership will change. Maybe it already has. Comments have dropped off, which makes me think I'm offending some. I dunno, I'm not sure what my point here is exactly. It just felt like something I needed to say, to acknowledge I'm aware of the weirdness. I don't think it will change what I write about, because I need to write honestly about my journey through motherhood, and I'm a snarky person by nature. I dunno, I just felt the need to say...something.
Repeat: Cold Peace
1 day ago
I'm with you, girl! I've felt the exact same way, guilty when I complain or pretend like everything isn't perfect because I know there are a million other women out there wishing for what I now have. But just because we conceived through IVF doesn't make motherhood any easier!
ReplyDeleteI've always felt that your blog is YOURS. And it's important to be honest about what you're experiencing. If it helps, I know I've lost readers because my posts DO tend to be all blissed out. I've been blessed with happy-mom hormones and a ridiculously easy baby, but it irritated some readers that I 'wasn't being honest'. But you write YOUR experience, not your readers' expectations, and anyone who doesn't get that - or worse, who confronts you about it - is missing the point. Blogs are the exploration of a whole life, not just a single part of that life. At least the very best ones are.
ReplyDeleteAt least that's my opinion. Keep up the snark when snark is called for! I'll keep reading!
We like reading all your ups and downs! Keep blogging!!!
ReplyDeleteHere I am ... right here with you. Parenthood is what it is, no matter how you arrived there or how long it took!!
ReplyDeleteI'm still here. Just don't have any experience to share. Hoping to join you on the 'other side' one of these days. If it helps, you're actually one of the only blogs I've kept up with after pregnancy -
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate to what you are saying. I still found myself, after grumbling about something, trying to "cover it up" and saying, "but I'm thankful," as if complaining means I am not. As others have stated,this is where you are now and you can keep blogging!
ReplyDeleteI felt the same way once I got pregnant, but I think it's so important to keep using your blog for whatever YOU need to talk about! Keep it up...we'll be reading! ;-)
ReplyDeletekeep blogging! I'm still here and certainly not offended, I just don't have any comments or experiences with the new parent stuff (hopefully in May)! but still here, still care, and 100% agree that being honest is the best way to be. Motherhood isn't easy and writing honestly about it is the best thing to do.
ReplyDeleteSay what needs to be said -- be organic and let your blog evolve. I am here reading and I deeply appreciate your honesty!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand what you're saying. But our blogs are about our struggles, where-ever we may be in our journey, and we're all still here for each other. I've noticed my comments have dropped, too, but if I look at visits to the blog, they're still up. I know it was harder for me to comment on new mom blogs before I had Davie, but I still loved reading the blogs and I'd comment where I felt I had something to add.
ReplyDeleteThat's why I named my blog a generic name, 'cause I knew it'd always be my journey, whether we ever had a baby or not.
If anyone judges you for the honesty that you write, then they shouldn't be reading anyway. Parenthood is not easy. I've never met a person that has said, "oh, I find parenting to be simple, no struggles, no worries, no second guessing my decisions...." It's not like that. Parenting, like infertility, can't fully be understood until you have been there. Period. It's not all sunshine and roses. Babies change EVERYTHING...who you are, how you think, your marriage, your friends...EVERYTHING. And to say that you aren't allowed to complain is just plain shallow. Just because you fought tooth and nail for something doesn't mean that once you get it you aren't faced with challenges. If (WHEN!) I get pregnant, you better believe that there will be things that I will want to complain about...pregnancy is not a walk in the park for most people and after reading blogs I feel like I might have some inkling for what I'm in for and it's not all good. And after reading many new mommy blogs I know to expect challenges in many areas where I might not have before. So please, keep it real because those of us that want to experience it can learn from you and hopefully apply some of what we learned if (WHEN!) we get the chance.
ReplyDeleteSorry to run off at the mouth (keyboard) but I never want you to feel like you can't write the truth.
And I don't comment as much because I don't always have something to add that is meaningful but you can bet I'm always reading.
Tired is tired.... cranky is cranky.... just because your road to parent hood was rocky and rough, doesn't mean that you are ungrateful, or unappreciative, etc.... it just means that you are going through EXACTLY what every other new parent goes through... no matter HOW they got to that point. You just keep on keepin' on. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm still here, too! I love your blog... Maybe because I'm a new mom after a couple of IVF cycles. Keep it honest!
ReplyDeleteGoing from IF blog to parenting-after-IF-blog is crazy hard. I'm so wrapped up in the goings on in my life I haven't had much chance to write about it. But what I do write is awkward. :(
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