I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but I've found myself wavering in the last few weeks. Back and forth, back and forth, and back again.
As the time begins to draw near to make a decision about doing the hail-mary cycle, I'm wavering.
I sort of thought this might happen. As the sting of the two FET failures this summer wears off, I am thinking more rationally about cycling again. Not just FET prep, mind you, but full-on cycling. Like at least a week, probably more, away at the far-away clinic. With a toddler. At 40 years old. With semi-crappy eggs and potentially crappy lining.
It just seems like a daunting task, one I'm not 100% sure I'm up for anymore.
But then I see all the moms in the Critter's Gymbo class, pregnant and managing to raise a toddler too. And I think, hey, I can do that too! But then I have to remind myself, it is most likely that they did not have to go to the far away clinic (or any clinic, for that matter) and pay all the money and inject all the crazy-making hormones and go through all the hoops to get that pretty belly bump. Which I think makes a difference.
I dunno. I'm wavering. It's true.
Repeat: Cold Peace
1 day ago
Oh Pie I'm sorry it isn't more clear cut. I think when you fall on the side of stats that we did it was easier in some ways to just quit and go another route, but I can imagine when you've tasted success it's harder to stop. But cycling IS hard, no two ways about it. I hope you can find some peace soon.
ReplyDeletei think you should do it. you don't want to be wondering what would have happened five years from now. i know that whatever you decide will be the right choice though.
ReplyDeleteHugs for you. I have confidence that you'll get your feelings sorted out!
ReplyDeleteOh I hear you...it seems so daunting and then others make it seem so easy....I know I'm not done and I have a few more cycles left in me....we'll see how I feel when I get closer to the actual cycles..
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and hoping you are able to make the best decision for you...that's what is most important!
I'm wavering right along side you! I wish I could just be clear on whether to go forward or be done. I hate this indecisiveness! If a baby was guaranteed, it would be a no brainer... but the thought of all the money and emotional roller coaster followed by nothing, that's just tough to swallow! I so get what you're going through. On a positive note, this is a much better place than where we were pre Tyler and Critter!
ReplyDeleteCycling again is a very big decision now that you have to really plan out your logistics to include how to handle the Critter. It's no wonder that you are wavering. Just like with any major decision when you are given time to think about it you will probably second guess yourself. I don't want to over step my bounds but maybe you are afraid of failing. If you don't try then you can't feel the pain of failure. Maybe you are trying to protect yourself from that pain. I don't know. I'm sorry that you are feeling unsure and I wish I had the right answer for you. My opinion, FWIW, is that you should go for it. Give it all you've got and if it doesn't work then you know that you did everything possible. If it works, well...you get to parent another child. It's definitely a tough choice to make. Just know that we are all here cheering for you no matter what path you ultimately decide to travel. (((hugs))) to you, my friend.
ReplyDelete