Award Ceremony

Yay! My first award! My first thought when I got the One Lovely Blog award was, "Somebody actually reads this blog?" Actually, 3 people do, and they all like it!

Many thanks to Kelli, Mad Hatter and Scrambled Egg for my Lovely Blog award.

So the deal is it is a bit like a chain letter. I must pass this award on to other blogs, following these instructions:

Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link.
Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

Ok, maybe not 15, but here's some lovely and/or newly discovered blogs:

TeeJay at Inconceivable!
Gracie at Gracie in Brooklyn
Hope at Hope in Virginia
Jill at Redefining the Birds and Bees
Gabby at Adventures in Glass

Everyone else that I would nominate for this has already gotten it recently, so I'll stay with my short list.

But know that I think all the blogs I ready by all of the strong, resilient women and men facing IF are lovely!

The visit

If I had to describe the far away clinic in one word, it would have to be impressive. From the physical place, the kindness of everyone we met, to the knowledge that was shared with us, it was all impressive.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. We had a painless flight out, even arrived early! A good omen, I thought. I look for those good omens everywhere now. Didn't sleep very well that night, mostly because of a bad mattress and a snore-y husband. But I was up and ready to go in the morning.

We found the place with no problem, and checked in. Met with the doctor first, I'll call him Dr. Famous. He was very approachable, and relaxed. Which put us at ease. I've read many things about this doctor, and I found him much more approachable and kind than what I read. Which was nice. Since we had talked to him a month ago, and nothing had changed since now and then, we didn't have much new to talk about. But we went over all that we'd do that day, which turns out to be quite a bit.

So over the course of the next 6+ hours, we did more than I think we've done in the last year. Mr. P donated some of his swimmers (his comment on "the room": a bit more spartan, but more current reading and media, so overall thumbs up), did fancy ultrasound with a separate monitor on the wall so I did not have to crane my neck to see the screen (how great is that? they actually want you to see your scans!), we gave a ton of blood (me: 7 vials, Mr. P: only 3. grrrr), met with our nurse for almost 2 hours, met with a really great genetics counselor, and I had the coochie cam. Literally, a fiber optic camera pushed up into my uterus. Which was not so fun.

So what did we learn? Well, a lot of the data is still being tallied. We'll have to wait another few weeks to get all of the genetic testing back. And I have to wait towards the end of my cycle to do the endometrial biopsy locally. But we did learn mostly good and and a few not so good things.

The good: I have good blood flow to my uterus, meaning electro-acupuncture is not needed for me. My Day 3 FSH was down into the normal range again (8.6!), and I have 12-16 resting follies. Which is great news. Mr. P's swimmers are doing well. We are eligible to do the clinical study involving PGS, specifically microarray/CGH. This was one of the big draws to the far away clinic, and I am very glad we can hopefully have our embies looked at for abnormality before we put them back in.

The not as good: I have a very small fibroid pushing on the lining in my uterus. It was only seen on u/s, and Dr. Famous did not see it protruding into my uterus on the coochie cam. It is located on the inner part of the uterus, on top of which the lining develops. And it is small. He said it is a toss up as to whether it has been interfering with implantation, and a toss up if I should even remove it at all. He left the decision with me. We discussed it, first with the doctor, then with just me and Mr. P, and then with the nurse. Mr. P and I really don't want to delay another cycle to have it removed, and discussed other options. In the end, we decided to have it removed during the wait after retrieval, before FET, when we wait about 6 weeks for the PGS results. It does mean another trip to the far away clinic, but if it is one less thing I have to worry about interfering with getting pregnant, I have to do it.

So that is it. We will get additional test results back over the next few weeks, and I'll get my protocol and cycle schedule next week. As of now, it looks like stims begin in mid to late September. With the fibroid surgery, PGS wait, and the holidays when their lab closes, I think FET would be in January. We might be able to squeeze in the schedule for mid-December, but I'm preparing for January.

I'm feeling very good about the choice of going with the far away clinic. The difference between them and the care I've gotten at my old doctors is huge. Things my old RE would not even consider as issues are just the areas the new clinic is taking most seriously.

The only bad part of the trip was getting back home. Thunderstorms diverted our incoming plane to another city. After that long day, and the cramps and spotting I was having after the coochie cam, I could not bear waiting around for hours and hours hoping that plane would make it to the far away clinic city, only to get home at 2 AM. Mr. P took one look at me, and changed our flight for the next morning, and booked us in a nice hotel. We got to the lovely hotel, I went horizontal right away, ate yummy room service and was asleep by 9pm. But up again at 4am, and finally got back home at 10am Friday. So it was a long trip back, and I'm still feeling worn out. So the plan is a restful weekend, and begin getting all of the new info from the far away clinic organized on Monday.

Tough times

I'm finally back, and catching up on all the blogs. Wow, what a tough few days I've missed. Many of those fellow IFers have had disappointing or tragic news over the last few days, and I'm just feeling sad about it all. My heart goes out to everyone living through it, as well as to those of us that are reading along and feeling the pain too.

I'll post all about the visit to the far away clinic later, it just feels hard to get my thoughts together about my experience while I'm still feeling for everyone else.

Blood and wine

Whew! Another busy weekend. Just getting to checking on my blog today, and catching up with everyone else. Kelli also honored me with my first award, which is so nice! But I'm still planning my award nominations to pass on, so that will be for the next post.

So the weekend. First off, blood. I've read that the far away clinic wants to test CD 3 blood work in their lab. But as I am not "officially" a patient of theirs yet, they cannot order this for me. But I know they want it, and I know I don't want to wait until my next cycle to give it to them. They want the blood drawn locally, spun into serum, and frozen. Then I FedEx it to them. So I went ahead and had the blood drawn Saturday morning at a new lab. My old doctor would not do this for me, and the nurse actually got a little snarky over the phone when I told her what I needed. If you can hear eye rolls over the phone, that is what I heard from her. She guessed what clinic wanted this, and then dramatically bit her tongue with the scathing comment she wanted to make. Whatever.

So now I have vials of frozen serum in my freezer. I had to warn Mr. P so he wouldn't think they were some sort of new molecular gastronomy recipe I was trying out. And I'll ship it out this afternoon. Yeah, I could carry it with me on the plane Wednesday, but the thought of trying to explain this to a TSA person makes me tired.

"What's in the box, ma'am?"

"Ummm, my frozen blood serum."

"But its not red."

"Yeah, its serum."

"Well, is that more than 3 ounces? Is it in a ziplock bag?"

"Sigh..."

So it ships and it'll be waiting for me at the far away clinic on Thursday.

And wine. We had another wedding on Saturday, it was the antithesis of the wedding from last weekend. Adults only, urban, no large wedding party, older-ish couple. And this time a short cab ride away, no need for me to be the designated driver. Yay! This is the wedding of two friends that met at a third friend's party a few years back. They could be the sweetest couple, and just seem so happy to have found each other. That third friend performed the ceremony for them (his 3rd wedding, his first being ours!) and it was just lovely. And the wedding was so much fun. I drank a lot of wine, took off my shoes and cut a serious rug. Great fun had by all, and a really nice way to send the newlyweds off.

P.S. - Thanks Hope for the tip on the free blog layouts! What do you think of the new look?

On schedule

Yes, that's right. For once, thank you (insert your chosen deity here), I am actually on schedule. AF came right on time, which means everything will be on schedule for my visit to the far away clinic next week.

NEXT WEEK! Can you believe it?

I'm sort of amazed the time went faster this wait. But it is almost here. We fly out next Wednesday afternoon, and the all-day appointment is Thursday. I've been a bit superstitious about making plans for this trip, because it relied on me (well, on my good buddy AF) being on time. I scheduled this appointment last month, and it must occur between CD 5-13. Which means if I was really late (like I was last month) I would have to reschedule. So I booked the flight, but no hotel, no car rental. Now I can book everything. Yay!

I hope this is a good omen for this next phase. Things happening as they should, when they should. Wouldn't that be nice?

Weddings and dumb comments

Mr. P and I had a busy weekend. We had his cousin's wedding on Saturday, which was about an hour's drive from our house. The wedding was fine, they are a couple in their 20's so it was a young wedding. Big wedding party, they do all the traditional things, etc. And I was the designated driver, and as the reception went on, I realized that weddings are not as fun when you aren't imbibing. Or 25.

There were also many kids at this wedding. All very cute in their dressed-up clothes. My mother-in-law had so much fun with all the little kids. It made me sad to watch, she is the only one out of her siblings not to be a grandmother yet. She is so good about not pressuring us, and she does not know what we've been through so far. But it is clear nothing would make her happier than a grandchild or three. All I could think was, "I'm trying!!" And felt bad about the whole thing.

And in other weekend adventures, I got my greys colored and picked up dry cleaning. Both places were filled with dumb comments. At the hair place, the guy cutting hair next to me and his client were talking about IF. Something about his sister trying IVF. So the client goes into the "they should just relax, IVF is too stressful, I had a friend who stopped trying and got pregnant" BS. I was ready to jump out of my chair and yell at her. But I didn't. And later that day at my dry cleaner, the Thai owner of the business asks me in her accented English, "You pregnant yet?" and I say no, no baby and she keeps going and says "You get pregnant soon? Maybe next year?" I mumble something like "I dunno" and run out of there. I know she's trying to be nice, but damn. I guess people play the odds and think I'm in the 80% that can get pregnant whenever I want.

It's amazing how IF just permeates your life and experiences. Even at a joyous event like a wedding, or something as mundane as picking up dry cleaning, I'm confronted with the fact I can't be like everyone else. I can't just have a baby. It sucks.

Everyone else is doing it so...

As I've been browsing lots of new blogs during ICLW, I've noticed lots of people doing the A-B-Cs. And since I have nothing to report on the IF front (yes, the waiting is still killing me, ugh) and I'm a joiner copy-cat, here we go!

A - The first letter of my IRL first name

B - My hubby's IRL nickname

C - Cats! I love all cats, pictures of cats, and can watch endless you.tub.e videos of cats

D - dining out, a favorite hobby of mine

E - Eggs, I hated them all my life until 3 years ago. Now I love and crave them.

F - Foodie, yeah I'm one of those smug people that know too much about food and wine

G - Grey hair - at 36 I'm amazed how many I have (and subsequently dye)

H - heights, i'm afraid of them, but force myself to confront it

I - I'm of Italian ancestry. Ciao!

J - I love listening to Jazz, especially while driving and on weekend mornings

K - karma, something I think exists more and more these days

L - Liz, my cute-as-can-be niece. I love her and she breaks my heart all at the same time

M - mom, I love mine, and want to be one very badly!

N - nuts along with...
O - ...olives and...
P - ...popcorn (homemade on the stove only!) are my favorite snacks

Q - questions - I always have tons, but forget them when its time to ask them

R - restraint, something I'm not known for IRL

S - swimming, which I grew up doing competitively, and recently started doing again

T - Tea, I drink it every morning instead of coffee

U - Umps, my cat's nickname (and she thinks is her real name, because we never call her by her given name)

V - video camera, what I've been wanting to buy recently. Maybe one of those Flip ones.

W - Wrigley Field, the best place to spend an afternoon. Go Cubs!

X - I got nothing. X-ray? I'm not very X-rated? Lame, I know. Sorry.

Y - Yelp - I love this site!

Z - the first letter of my IRL last name. And Zappos, what a great store!!

Well, that was fun, and harder than it looks.