Mr. P and I had a busy weekend. We had his cousin's wedding on Saturday, which was about an hour's drive from our house. The wedding was fine, they are a couple in their 20's so it was a young wedding. Big wedding party, they do all the traditional things, etc. And I was the designated driver, and as the reception went on, I realized that weddings are not as fun when you aren't imbibing. Or 25.
There were also many kids at this wedding. All very cute in their dressed-up clothes. My mother-in-law had so much fun with all the little kids. It made me sad to watch, she is the only one out of her siblings not to be a grandmother yet. She is so good about not pressuring us, and she does not know what we've been through so far. But it is clear nothing would make her happier than a grandchild or three. All I could think was, "I'm trying!!" And felt bad about the whole thing.
And in other weekend adventures, I got my greys colored and picked up dry cleaning. Both places were filled with dumb comments. At the hair place, the guy cutting hair next to me and his client were talking about IF. Something about his sister trying IVF. So the client goes into the "they should just relax, IVF is too stressful, I had a friend who stopped trying and got pregnant" BS. I was ready to jump out of my chair and yell at her. But I didn't. And later that day at my dry cleaner, the Thai owner of the business asks me in her accented English, "You pregnant yet?" and I say no, no baby and she keeps going and says "You get pregnant soon? Maybe next year?" I mumble something like "I dunno" and run out of there. I know she's trying to be nice, but damn. I guess people play the odds and think I'm in the 80% that can get pregnant whenever I want.
It's amazing how IF just permeates your life and experiences. Even at a joyous event like a wedding, or something as mundane as picking up dry cleaning, I'm confronted with the fact I can't be like everyone else. I can't just have a baby. It sucks.
Repeat: Cold Peace
1 day ago
Oh, all the dumb comments, I've had more than my fair share. I'll never forget the one when I was getting a massage to help with the stress of IF and the girl told me; well it's a good thing you never got pg, it's really hard on the back. Yeah, my back, that's what I've been worried about! I wish people that don't understand would just shut up sometimes. Hugs
ReplyDeleteAmen to this! It is amazing the stupid questions people ask - I try to give them the benefit of the doubt and figure that they just don't understand. My dental hygienist asks me EVERY time I go in why we aren't having kids yet. And my husband when in today for his teeth cleaning and she asked him the same thing. Even if we didn't have IF struggles, it still just seems like a totally inappropriate question. Anyways, you're right about IF completely permeating every aspect of you life - wish you could color over it just like grey hair :)
ReplyDeleteI always feel bad about my FIL. He has some heart trouble, and I know he'll be a great granfather. (as opposed to a great-grandfather, ha ha) I worry that he won't be around to see our babies if something doesn't happen soon!!!
ReplyDeleteThe woman who does my nails asked me a while ago about babies and I just told her we were planning on having them eventually. This week, her assistant was asking about my dogs. Afterwards, she said "You have dogs instead of kids?" or something along those lines. If only it were that easy...
It's everywhere... and in my opinion we should educate the fertiles everywhere about how inappropriate their questions are. I'm not saying we dump everything on them, but I think we should let them know that family building isn't easy for everyone.
ReplyDeleteSorry for the soapboxing... I hope that things are going better.
~ICLW
I feel the same way. IF does make everyday things difficult to deal with.
ReplyDeleteI also went to a wedding this weekend. Luckily I very rarely hear these types of comments, maybe it's because my family lives overseas and I'm only around them once a year. Also most of the people around us are child free.
ReplyDeleteBut they do have a way to creep in the most unexpected places... Your dry-cleaning? I wish it were a joke. It's so ridiculous that people assume they can be nice by asking about children! If someone asks me like that, I'm usually blunt and with a sassy smile say that "no luck, we can't have them". At least I get them apologizing, and perhaps they'll think twice before asking the next customer. But then, I live in a big city too, so it doesn't make any difference that I'm being utterly frank with faceless strangers.
Clio - I also live in a big city (perhaps we are in the same one!) but we also live in a city of neighborhoods. We've been going to this same dry cleaner for 5 years, it's a family-run affair, and she's known us before we were engaged, then married, and now...still waiting on kids. I don't blame her, nor am I angry with her. But it does make me feel bad/sad that I can't be "normal" and have kids like everyone else around me.
ReplyDeleteI hear you - dumb comments all around. I think people mean well, but they end up just hurting with comments. I will say that TTC has made me much more sensitive to other things - for example making comments about DH around single friends.
ReplyDeleteSimilar to your dry cleaner, we have been going to the same few places for many life stages (dating, engagement, marriage, etc.) and I can feel the looks and waiting for the next stage.
Gotta love all those comments. We can't get together with the "gang" without hearing the "so when are you going to start popping out those babies?" What am I, a P.ez dispenser?
ReplyDeleteI hate how IF runs our lives no matter how much we try to avoid it.
Kudos to your MIL for not pressuring you. My parents never have but I know in the back of their minds they were always wondering what was taking so long. Ugh.
It really does suck that we can't just get pregnant when we're ready to. I hate waiting. I hate how much time and money it costs. I wish we could just chuck the BCPs and get what we want! *sigh*
ReplyDelete