6 days - with a bad update

I meant to get this post written yesterday, where it could have been entitled "One Week" but time was not on my side yesterday, and here I am, a day late. Alas.

So, 6 days until transfer....I hope, that is. I went for my u/s check and e2 bloodwork this morning. Bright and early too - 7am. Yawn. It's one thing to be up with the Critter that early, but another entirely to have to drive and talk to people and such.

Anyway, they were quick and saw me right away. My ute is still retroverted, so she actually used a belly scan on me, pushing down super hard, to get the view she wanted. Although the tech said she was not supposed to tell me about it, she said she saw "nice layering" and it was measuring at 7.7. So of course I can't be perfect, because they want it between 8-12. I'm close, and thinking it shouldn't matter that much, as the transfer is still 6 days away. But of course I'm nervous waiting for the call. I have a few more hours to wait, I'm sure.

Last time I had a good thick lining (10-something) but only "faint" triple stripe. I can't seem to have it all. I'll be curious to see if my e2 is still low, with that thin of a lining.

So I'm here. Waiting. Feeling nervous. I'll update when I hear. Fingers and toes and legs and arms and eyes crossed til then.

BAD NEWS UPDATE - Well, I guess 7.5 (the number my nurse at the far away clinic told me) wasn't enough for them. I've been bumped from the transfer next week, and now have a 6/28 transfer date. Which of course fucks up all the plans I had made. Now, the estrace pill I had been taking orally, I am now shoving up my hoo-ha twice a day. Better get to Cos.tco and buy the bulk pack of panty liners. My e2 was good- at 430-something, so that's not the issue.

Needless to say, I'm really upset. My mom was supposed to come out with me, so Mr. P could stay home with the Critter, so of course her plans are all messed up now too. Argh. I'm not going in for another lining check until Friday 6/22, which is one day after when we should have been flying. So the question is, do we change these flights (and pay the exorbitant change fees) to the 6/28 date? Risk it again? Wait to rebook?

Stress dream

Last night I had my first stress dream that I've had in...well I can't remember when the last one was, so in a loooong time. But fitting, given I am scheduled for my BIG u/s on Saturday, I got several emails and a real mail package from the far away clinic reminding me of all the paperwork and Mr.P's bloodwork that we haven't done yet (whoops). Basically yesterday was the reminder to get my ass in gear here, Pie. This is happening. Next week.

So anyway, the dream. I was back in school, like high school (isn't it always high school?), and I was told I had to do a report. It was due tomorrow. And it was to cover the entire history of the world. All of it. By tomorrow. So my rational, logical self said, "Well, can I just do the cultural history? Like just the history of art, literature, music, dance, that sort of stuff?" As if that were somehow more do-able in the 12 hours I had before the report was due. And I remember thinking to myself in the dream, "Geez. I'm usually so on top of things, I never wait til the last minute to do things like this." I was all stressed about it, that I'd never get it done in time.

Hmmmm. Doesn't take some fancy letters after your name to figure this one out, does it?

17 months

Happy 17 month birthday, my getting-to-be-a-big-girl, sweet Critter Girl. Let's see what was new this month:

Water! Oh my lordie, do you like playing in, around, and with water. It's gotten warm out, and the local playground has turned on the play fountain. You are completely fascinated by it, and were sooooo sad when Mean Mama forgot to bring a towel and wouldn't let you play in it. When we went back, fully prepared, you were in water heaven. It was you, and a bunch of much bigger kids playing. I think you think you are a big kid too. You show no fear, don't mind being splashed in the face, and like the water that sprays hard the best. We also got you a water table for home, which can hold your attention for hours. Water is the best.

And on that note - ICE! Ice is your favorite food (?) these days. You are obsessed with sucking, licking and chewing ice cubes. You carefully inspect every adult's drink you see, looking for ice. You ask for ice all the time, and in case I was unclear about what you are asking for, you take me to the freezer, say "Ice please" and point to your eye. Because I think you think "ice" and "eyes" are the same word. It is cute beyond measure, expect when you ask for ice, are told no (because we are somewhere where there is no ice, like the dry cleaners) and get mighty upset. Less cute then.

Down stairs! You can now get down stairs on your own. Well, Mama still holds your hand, but you finally understand gravity and have the depth perception to realize you can't just walk blindly down a step. You mostly go down on your tush (you are very good at following the "sit down" command from me) and are very proud of yourself for not needing Mama so much on the jungle gym.

Talking! Your vocabulary continues to amaze me. You will now ask what something is ("that!" which sounds like "dat!" while pointing to an object) and when I tell you its name, you try your best to repeat what I say. Granted, I may be the only one who understands most of what you say, but you are really absorbing language. You even put together 2 words (hot cheese). And your comprehension is spot on. You can follow multi-step commands (if you want to, that is) and know the names of pretty much all our everyday things.

Yellow! This is one of your favorite words, and certainly your favorite color. You are learning your colors, and for a while most things were "yell-yo" whether they were really yellow or not. You like you wear your yell-yo shirt and will shout out "yell-yo" and point whenever you see it. Orange and green are your second and third favorite colors, respectively.

Another busy and amazing month of growth for you. I was looking back at some 1st birthday pictures of you, and couldn't believe the growth (both physical and mental) you've had in just these few months. From baby to toddler, right before my eyes. Happy 17 months, my sweet, smart Critter Girl. Mama loves you so very very much.

Happy Blogoversary to me!

Yup, hard to believe, but it has been 3 years today since I started this blog. That first post - where I was contemplating getting a second opinion after 4 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs - it feels so foreign to read it now. Well, not so foreign I guess - I still have that feeling of "what if?" and of uncertainty about the future.

How far I've come in those 3 years. Working on baby #2 now. If you had told my new-blogger self where I'd be in 3 years, I'd hope against hope you were right, but don't know if I would have believed you.

I know this blog is small (minuscule!) potatoes in the larger scheme of the IF blogging world, and barely a speck of sand in the blogging world in general. I hardly get comments, and I often feel like I'm talking to no one. But I don't want to stop blogging, because if nothing else, this blog has been a great resource to me. To be able and go back and read about these critical times in my life - struggling through IF, being pregnant, early life with the Critter - priceless stuff.

So happy blogoversary to me! I'll sing myself a little song, send myself good wishes for the upcoming transfer, and maybe I'll eat cake tonight in honor of this milestone. Here's to hopefully many more years!

Wake up call

I started having the sensation of having to pee all the time, even when I didn't have to pee. Uh-oh I thought, for sure this is the start of a UTI. Damn, just what I need right now, right??

So I went to the doctor, they were kind enough to squeeze me in when I already had my babysitter for acu. When the took my BP, it was low, like 106/70. No stress here! Or so I thought. Then my urine culture came back mostly benign, not showing obvious infection. Just a slight bit of blood. So the doc asks me if I've been drinking enough fluids.

Ummmm...no. I know I haven't been. It is so hard with the Critter, to drink throughout the day. Both to drink and take the constant pee breaks drinking all that water requires. She always wants to drink Mommy's drink, and it ends up being a mess. I try to drink more in the evenings, but then I'm up half the night peeing. So no. I'm totally not drinking enough. I'm now so dehydrated my kidneys and bladder are getting upset.

Which is a total wake-up call to me. I need to start taking better care of myself. I need to do this if I have any hope of getting a second embie to stick. I need to slow down and wake up. Eat better. More protein. More veg. And by all means, more water!

I've been so busy taking care of the Critter, I've let myself come in second place. I need to take care of myself even more now though, if I want to get and stay pregnant.

First local monitoring

I went today to the local clinic where I do my monitoring for the far away clinic. Today was just bloodwork, to see if my e2 is rising appropriately. I went back and read my blog from the last FET prep, and at this stage, my e2 came back low, and they upped me from one patch to four. I wonder what will happen today.

I have to say, thank your chosen diety for this blog. I have a decent record of what I did before, and it has been great to go back and read about what I was going through the last time I did all of this. Granted, I am in such a different place now, and this time it feels very different, but still. It is so helpful to read back and be reminded of the whole process again. And be prepared that I may have low e2 today, like I did last time. And that having a low e2 is ok. And that all this juicy lady bits stuff going on right now is exactly what happened to me last time too. All normal.

My other big thought for today is it is tough to go back into a fertility clinic waiting room. You can just feel the angst, it radiates. There was one couple in there today, the woman just looked so sad, so stunned. Her husband/partner was doing the male equivalent to that - playing on his smartphone with a vengeance. I have no idea what what going on with them, but my heart just went out to her. I know that place, that lost corner of the waiting room.

Anyway, now I wait for my bloodwork results. Fingers crossed for good results!

EDITED TO ADD: Yup, crappy e2 yet again. 32 or 33 or something, when they want above 50. So I'm on oral estrace in addition to the patches. Already took my first one tonight, let's hope it does the trick.

Back in the saddle again

It's on!

I have officially injected myself with fancy-pharmacy lupron - twice! And I have sticky goo tummy courtesy of my first estrogen patch! We are moving forward, peoples!

I slept like a rock last night, thank you very much, sweet lovely estrogen. Not a hot flash at all today. Hooray and hallelujah I survived the depot loopyron hell. Fingers and toes crossed for the last time in my life, please please please.

And injecting myself daily - granted with the little baby lupron needles in my well-padded tummy fat, but still- I tell ya, it's like riding a bike. Like I never was away. I do it first thing in the morning, before I get the Critter out of her crib. She was chatting away in there this morning, so I'm drawing up meds as she rambles on the monitor. Such a funny, odd place to be - injecting myself while listening to my daughter. Weird.

I continue with acu, and today I had the Mayan massage, where she spent a lot of time working on my tummy, low back, hips. It was heavenly. Although at one point she was massaging around my c-section scar, and there was like a sharp pain/popping sort of feeling which made me jump. It stopped as soon as it started, and she said it was likely some scar tissue loosening or breaking up. Interesting. And I fell asleep during acu, the electo-stim kind! Yeah, I was relaxed after that massage, only to be woken up by the sound of my own snoring. Ha!

So only a few weeks til the FET. I'm still surprised it is already here. All appendages will stay crossed until well after beta. OMG, a 2ww. Or 9 day wait. Whatever. Gotta toughen up for that.