Wednesday, November 4, 2009

At a loss

I've been thinking about how I would write about this since I hung up the phone with my friend last night. How I feel about it. What I can say. And really, I'm still not sure.

I have 2 friends, let's call them John and Jane. They were engaged last March, on her 40th birthday. John is one of my husband's best friends, we've known him forever, he is an old friend to both of us. Jane invited me to come with them for their wedding food tasting, which is today. I was flattered and excited to be a part of their wedding planning. John called me last night to confirm the time, and then says, "I also wanted to tell you, Jane won't be drinking tomorrow night. We just found out she's expecting, quite unexpectedly."

Huh? What? I think I did not hear you correctly.

Yup, she's pregnant. At 40 years old. While using a condom. She is the .2% of the 99.8% effective. At 40. Before the wedding.

Sigh.

Of course, I'm delighted for them. I know they were planning to start trying on the honeymoon. My SIL and I had talked about if they would go straight to the RE, given her age.

But it was a kick in the gut to get this news last night. And these friends don't know of our IF struggles. So while I'm happy for them, and honored to be included in this info (they are not telling many people yet), I walked around after the phone call last night in disbelief. I think I'm still in that state. I have not cried, I don't feel sad, exactly. I'm dumbfounded. I'm amazed. I'm...at a loss to understand this.

There is no rhyme or reason for what happens in this world. That's all I can come up with.
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12 comments:

  1. AnonymousNovember 4, 2009 at 11:16 AM

    It is just so freaking, unbelievably unfair. That's all I can say. I'll never ever understand. And I feel for you.

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  2. irrationalexuberanceNovember 4, 2009 at 11:17 AM

    Oh man -- that must have come like a punch to the chest. I'm really sorry. As to why? The world is just a random, and sometimes cruel, place. (Yeah -- I'm a little dark right now.)

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  3. Jill M.November 4, 2009 at 11:52 AM

    Wow! I think I would be feeling the same exact way.

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  4. Meg.November 4, 2009 at 12:00 PM

    I think you hit the nail on the head with that last statement.

    I threw up my hands at understanding the world a long time ago.

    I wish you much strength in dealing with this news. *hugs*

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  5. MoNovember 4, 2009 at 1:14 PM

    Oh God. I am sorry. How absolutely dreadful. Blech.

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  6. Just meNovember 4, 2009 at 2:04 PM

    I think that is what I hate the most.

    In fact, I had an blog entry devoted to exactly that. http://breakatthebend.blogspot.com/2009/07/you-know-what-pisses-me-off.html

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  7. KateNovember 4, 2009 at 3:36 PM

    I found your blog via Mo today. Just had to comment - life can sure as heck kick you in the teeth, can't it? So sorry you have to deal with this, cause I know I sure as hell have trouble dealing with it too. My brother and SIL have 3 kids now, in the time we've been trying for one. I'm sure the first happened within 1-2 months of hem TTC. The second was a surprise, since my brother said she hadn't even gotten her first AF postpartum yet, and I doubt the third was any more of a challenge.
    The one good thing is that it is a wanted baby, just sooner than expected. But still - what lucky b!tch gets knocked up through a condom at 40? The ones I hate even more are the "whoopsies" when the future parents aren't even in a solid relationship, aren't likely to stay together, and never wanted a kid in the first place.
    I probably wouldn't say anything to her about it at the tasting unless she brings it up. You never know what will happen, and if her future husband was letting you know confidentially so that she wouldn't get hassled about not drinking.
    Hope tonight's not too awful for you!

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  8. AnonymousNovember 4, 2009 at 6:20 PM

    Ugh I'm so sorry! I hate when things like that happen, it's so not fair! Life is so not fair!!! Hope you are ok.

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  9. AlisonNovember 4, 2009 at 6:35 PM

    Well said, there is no rhyme or reason. My former boss had an "oops" pregnancy at 44. It's amazing how some people get pregnant without even trying. It makes our struggle so much harder to swallow.
    It's great news for your friend, though!

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  10. addingtothepackNovember 4, 2009 at 8:47 PM

    What a reminder that who ends up holding the infertility stick is such a crap shoot.

    I would never wish IF on anyone, but I am still at least a little bitter whenever someone just gets knocked up (like, you know, a normal, regular person).

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  11. AnonymousNovember 4, 2009 at 11:09 PM

    I'm so sorry - while that is wonderful news for them - it is just 1000% unfair. Sending support your way from your online community.

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  12. AnonymousNovember 5, 2009 at 10:23 PM

    Oh wow, that guy could probably blash a hole through walls with his stuff. Still think of this another way, in a somewhat sad way I guess, you have your expectations so low that your rollercoaster can only go up from here. If you can cop that news and take it as more of a splinter wound rather than a kick to the head, good on you and from here, your news must turn.

    Mister IVF

    If you want a stupid example here it is. I went through a patch in my single days of really bad luck dating. Just all sorts of nightmare situations, including a girl that I really like declared she was gay, which is fine, but it sort of only hit her for ther first time at 3am in the morning, after a heavy night on the spiked rum punch, and somehow I seemed to bring it on, work that out. Anyway, completely down on myself, I soon thereafter met mrs IVF and while I cant give her kids, she is still the hub of my semi fertile existence.

    Somehow that was supposed to link to you story and make you feel good... but re reading it, I am not sure it is much more than a goofy story really.

    ReplyDelete

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