I'm having trouble finding a space for myself. Here, on the interwebs, I mean.
I know I have some readers who know me from IVFC (or whatever it is called these days) and I loves you guys! So much support, wisdom, and love you've given me over the last year or so. But lately, I have been quiet, lurking more on the boards these days. I guess I don't feel I have much to add, and I know that many on the board are still struggling to get to their goals. And I often feel strange about talking pregnancy stuff on an IVF board.
And there are so many people to keep up with, if I miss even a day, I feel hopelessly behind, and have trouble keeping up. So I lurk around here and there, keep tabs on the girls I've "known" for a while. And read their blogs (those that have them) religiously.
So I went looking for other places. I went to a few pregnancy boards, and whoa! I do NOT fit in there. It is like another world, those fertiles live in. And while they are at the same place with me in my pregnancy, I feel like we are worlds away from each other. It is strange.
So I stay here, in my own little corner of the bloggy world. It is like those pregnancy books I read, I somehow feel like I don't quite fit in with those books. I feel like I don't quite fit in with my long-supportive online IF world anymore. I feel like I'm not a "normal" pregnant lady, but I'm not the hard-core IFer I once was either.
I dunno, I guess it is hard to explain. Just something that has been on my mind lately, and writing it down to try to make sense of it.
Repeat: Cold Peace
1 day ago
You are not the first blogger to have an identity crisis once you reach that pregnancy goal. There are many reasons that you feel the way you do, and trust me, you are not alone. I can imagine that I'd feel very similarly if I had gotten pg with my IVF. Heck, even if a miracle happens and I conceive, I know I won't be joining any pregnancy boards after what I've heard from other bloggers. After the struggles and ups and downs of trying and then the fear once success is reached, in IF girl is never quite a "normal" pregnant lady. That's just my opinion. An opinion I developed after reading so many blogs. So while you might feel that you don't fit in, always know that you fit in with us and that we are here for you. And hopefully you will get to experince the feelings of a "normal" pregnant lady before too long. You deserve those feelings and from what everyone else says, it's a pretty good way to feel. :-)
ReplyDeleteI kind of know how you feel. I didn't go through as many of the hardships of IF as many people, I was more of a pregnancy loss blogger, but when I became pregnant I definitely felt like I no longer belonged anywhere, not even with the pregnancy loss folks. The reality is, you do move on, even though you don't feel like it, everyone else around you does. It's hard though because where are you moving on too, really? Just wait until you have your baby, then it's really weird and you feel really displaced. I'm sorry this isn't very coherent. I struggle with the same things and I also have a hard time articulating them. I hope you find your place somewhere.
ReplyDeleteWe still love you and want you to be around! Sorry you don't feel like you fit in with all the fertial pregnant women. I can imagine it's weird.
ReplyDeleteHave you tried the Resolve online BB - "living after infertility resolution"?
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel, but for other reasons...
I totally hear you. I feel the same -- very in between (no pun meant on my profile name, but fitting in a way I had no idea would be the case). I haven't even explored the pregnancy board because those women are going to have babies... and I still feel like that is pretty presumptuous.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we can make a new little corner of the world -- pregnant IFers.
What you're saying makes total sense. I totally get that pregnancy forums aren't a good fit. I used to hang out there & it was ok until my 2nd m/c after which I knew I didn't belong anymore.
ReplyDeleteWe've all got little things - ingredients in our pies - that are different from eachother. Having had 2 pregnancies & 2 m/c's so I don't always feel comfortable in the IF world. Yet I know I'm welcome and that is hugely comforting. There's strength in this community. I follow number of blogs all along the spectrum of IF. I really enjoy following ones like yours which bring me hope.
p.s your Our Journey So Far needs an update past May.
I hear ya sister. I stole a few moments away from twinsanity to catch up with a couple of bloggity pals. So happy to know the weeks are ticking by. Once the kiddo arrives time will fly in an entirely new way. :-)
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate your post and can really identify with what you are saying. My situation is somewhat similar to yours- my blog is private, but if you're interested in talking more, please email me and I can send you an invitation: christineartz@yahoo.com
ReplyDeleteTake care and best wishes :)
You know I've been thinking about this topic a bit lately (which is odd as I am SO not pregnant but anyway..) and I imagine it would feel very isolating. You definitely don't want to hang out with the fertiles as they'll be all insensitive but you feel like you're walking on eggshells with those that are still in the thick of IF gunk.
ReplyDeleteOn the board that i frequent there is a separate thread specifically set up for mothers to be after infertility. Thats where I plan to hang out when I finally do get pregnant. I've been lurking there a bit and they all are just as paranoid and stressed as I imagine I'd be. I hope you find a similar place to fit in soon. There MUST be other woman going through the same stuff and it would be nice for you to feel supported through this process.
Otherwise, you know that those of us who read your blog will do the best we can to support you. xxx
Please do try the pregnancy boards at Resolve. All the ladies there are IFers and understand completely where you are coming from.
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to this. I felt so out of place at the OB office yesterday. I guess part of me is so scared that this pregnancy will be over before I know it, that I can't let my guard down. But I do know that it's much different blogging about pregnancy and vs. cycles and the throes of IF
ReplyDelete