The Critter and I got back from our Back East adventure on Tuesday. I am really glad we went. It was a good distraction for me, and I think the Critter, city girl that she is, really liked all the grass to run on, and birds to look at, and just to explore. It is exhausting travelling with a toddler, but the Critter is clearly a pro, and she did great on both flights and waiting in the airport. No meltdowns, even when she missed naps. She is a born traveler.
In addition to being back from our trip, I am also back on the FET prep train again. I started taking bcp last Saturday and have a FET date of August 31. Ordered more lupron, and need to order the rest of my meds too. Back again, on the crazy-making, hormone-filled roller coaster.
One thing that has come from the last FET failure and moving forward with this next cycle is an overwhelming feeling from me to be done with this. It is so hard to be back here, riding the ups and downs of the hormones, of the emotions, of the failure. Failing this FET made me think a lot about how I would be with the Critter as my one and only. I used to think I wanted more kids, heck, I still do want that, but it is not as crucial-feeling as it once was. With the FET failure, I think it hit me that I may end up with just the Critter. And I was surprised to feel in my heart that that was ok. Don't get me wrong, we are trying for a second, and I'm going through all of the shots and crapola to get there - but if my sweet Critter girl is all that is meant for us, I'm ok with that too. That's a new feeling for me.
I'm feeling more of a desire these days to move on with my life, and be done with this IF shit. It was so nice being away from it, that now slogging through it all again feels even more cumbersome to me.
So from that train of thought, Mr. P and I sat down and discussed transferring both of my remaining embryos at this FET. Which would make it my last FET. And my last IF treatment. Ever. Of the two that we have left, one is Chilly Willy, the only blast I made at my local clinic, that they wanted to discard. He's been slow-frozen, traveled to the far-away clinic, thawed, biopsied, and vitrified. That's a lot for one little just-ok looking embie to go through. My hopes are not high for him. It seems unwise to do a FET just for him, given his meager chances. So we will transfer both him and the other remaining blast together.
Watch me end up with twins (yikes).
Repeat: Cold Peace
1 day ago
I get the wanting to be done; there is relief knowing when the end of treatments will actually be... hope it works out for you of course but glad to know you are 100% satisifed with your little baby girl, too, if she ends up being your only.
ReplyDeleteOh so with you. I'm on day 10 of shots for IVF 3 and just so -- I dunno -- blase, I guess, about the whole thing.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that Critter traveled well and that you had a good time with your family. Welcome home!
What were schoolcraft's thoughts on why the failure. Was it just you lining? I know I understand your feelings. My son its 10 months old and we are on the heels of two FET's. My third beta is Monday.
ReplyDeleteIn my heart I'm not ready to give in to just one. Always wanted 2 or 3.
I hear you though. This whole journey is hard.
I know what you mean. What were Dr Sch's thoughts on why it failed. This journey is all so hard. My son is 11 months old and we just went thru two failed frozen cycles. We are in the tail end of our third. Beta is Monday.
ReplyDeleteThis whole journey sucks
Oh Pie, I know that feeling all too well. Just being done. Sadly, my done ended before I had my miracle. There are days that I dream of going back but most of the time I am so thankful to have the treatment phase of my life over. If we could just get our little miracle through adoption, then I think I could really move on from all of this. We also talked about wanting children- but at this point I am pretty sure we will have only one (if that).
ReplyDeleteSo glad your trip went well. Happy to have you back in "our" city. :)
getting caught up and sorry to hear the recent transfer failed. i hear you on being ready to move forward from IF, and commend you being at peace. i am struggling a bit with that and hope to reach that point soon. good luck with your next round!!!
ReplyDeleteWe are in the same boat as you. We really want to grow our family to 2 kids so badly but at the same time, we're really really tired of being in the trenches. So we're doing this one last IVF and whatever happens with this happens. I so get how you're feeling and I think its a good call to tranfer both. I'm really hoping that you'll have great news in early September!
ReplyDeletesounds like a good plan! I would also want to know one way or another and tranfer both.
ReplyDelete