Not much going on - still waiting around. No genetics results, the phone call with Dr. Famous is not til Wednesday, as is my fibroid appointment with a local doc. So I'm in an IF holding pattern. Again.
I had a child-filled weekend. I babysat for my niece on Friday, and took her to her park district "class". Which is just playtime for toddlers. It was actually really fun, and I only had very mild pangs of jealousy/sadness/longing. We played with toys, pretending to eat fake food and with a hide-and-seek Sessy Street toy. Then an "art project" and song time. It was very cute to see my niece interact with other kids and watch and imitate the teacher. That little girl really does melt my heart.
And we went to dinner with a couple that we've known a long time. In fact, they conceived their first child after a party we threw, whoopsie! She is now very pregnant now with their second child. I stared a little too long at her belly a few times. She is one of those very cute pregnant women, all belly, no fat or swelling. Sigh, she looked so cute, all I could think was I want to be pregnant. I want to feel full after eating only half my dinner because the baby is so big in my belly.
But I was surprised during all this that I didn't feel bitter. This is a new sensation for me - I was the person a few months back that got a kick out of thinking "I hate you" every time I saw a pregnant belly. But I'm not feeling that way these days.
Is this progress? Have I just been knocked down enough that I can't feel the pain anymore? Or is this just a temporary reprieve?
Who knows. But I'll take it.
Repeat: Cold Peace
1 day ago
You're niece sounds amazing. I've been really wishing I could have some time with a younger child lately. I teach middle school students but I wish I could spend some time with younger children, they are so wonderful.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're feeling better around children and pregnant women. I hope I get there some day myself.
I've been feeling the same way lately. Let's call it progress, ok?
ReplyDeleteSorry about all the waiting, hope it zips by.
Good for you for getting that place! I hope that feeling sticks around for you.
ReplyDeleteThat's been one of the hardest things about this for me, the fact that I can't feel genuinely happy for others. I feel like such a horrible selfish person.
Anytime you have moments where you AREN'T bitter, are to be cherished. That's how I look at it. It sounds like you had a great day with your niece. I find that family babies are easier on me than friend/acquaintance babies, not sure why though. Maybe because I actually love them. :-) Thanks for your comments on my blog, as always!
ReplyDeleteSounds like those frosties are helping to give you a little to feel optimistic over. Your niece sounds like an absolute doll. What fun it is to play and be a kid. Hoping you'll get so much of it by the next year you're head will spin.
ReplyDeletePerhaps some of it has to do with your special relationship with your niece? How great that you are close enough to babysit. I find that I am less bitter toward friends I have known for a long time. Maybe the history makes me less frosty? Glad that you're in the middle of sunnier days. You deserve 'em.
ReplyDeleteI think its great that you arent suffering from Kiditis. I agree with If optimist in that the frosties are passing on some good thoughts and you are well and truly in the great IVF game show of life. Who knows how and when emptions hit, but it sounds like a great day with your niece!
ReplyDeleteWhatever the reason, I'm glad that you are able to enjoy some bitter-free time.
ReplyDeleteI hope the time between now and Wednesday passes quickly for you.
Oh,Pie,I'm so sorry for all you're going through! I wish you could just get some answers! I hate the waiting. It always helps me when there's a new plan of action to follow - just doing something cheers me up. I hope they give you a new calendar!
ReplyDeleteHope you get out of your holding pattern real soon!
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