So we talked last night, one of many talks I think.
Suffice to say, Mr. P was taken very much by surprise by me saying I wanted to cycle and try again. He was really not ready to hear that from me. And it totally overwhelmed him. He couldn't understand, after all of our failures, from trying on our own, to the failed IUIs to the failed IVFs locally, to the 2 recent failed FETs - he couldn't understand how trying again would be any different. He said he sees the Critter as an anomaly, as a miracle, and he can't understand how I don't see that. He can't understand how I still ask "what if" and how I still have hope to try again. He doesn't have that hope, and as he said, he's exhausted from it all. He's exhausted from the cycle of hope and failure, over and over again.
He also feels we have put our life on hold, for over 5 years, in our attempts to build our family. He feels his career has suffered in some ways, because he has chosen the safe route, staying put with the steady paycheck and health insurance, instead of taking some risks and potentially furthering his career. He is ready to move on with life as our family of three, and begin to plan for that future, not for the future with more uncertainty of IF treatments.
While we might be able to afford another round, it would be a big stretch and definitely a burden on us. I do have a call in to our insurance to even see if we are covered for another retrieval - the jury is out on that for now. If it isn't covered, then that is certainly all she wrote. We couldn't do it all out-of-pocket.
Mr. P didn't say no outright, and agreed to think more about it. But in hearing him talk, and hearing how my rock, my stable guy, my steadying presence - hearing him talk about how infertility has worn him down, how it has hurt him - well it made me pause. Pause big time. Am I really willing to put us down this road again? Am I really willing to put him through the turmoil, for odds that are against us? I don't know. It certainly doesn't seem as appealing as it did before we talked.
So that's where we are today. We agreed to talk again after gathering more information (like insurance and timelines for cycling) and after we both had a chance to mull it over more. I think even if we did decide to cycle again, it wouldn't be until the spring. And that makes me pause too. I'll be 40 then. Yikes. Is it really worth it to try and cycle again at 40, hoping to have a child when I'm potentially 41 or 42? And Mr. P even older? That scares me a bit too.
Stay tuned, I guess.
Repeat: Cold Peace
1 day ago
As I sit here reading this, I'm nodding along. I'm 99.9% positive this cycle failed. I still have to wait for the beta to be sure, but I'm already moved on to our next cycle. We have 4 more frozen tots to use in 2 more cycles of FET. If they both fail, which based on this cycle failing doesn't look good for us, my husband said he is done. It breaks my heart because I don't want to be done. I want a sibling for my daughter. At least one. My husband says we've spent the better part of the past 6 years trying to conceive a child. He's done with the whole baby making part of our lives and is ready to move on.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you and want to give it one last try, especially since we still have insurance to cover it. But it will be hard to do with out my husband on board.
I'm glad you had the talk. It's not an easy one to have. I hope you come to a decision soon. Sending good thoughts and hugs your way.
you definitely have to take your husband's feelings into consideration on the matter, however, that being said, my husband was VERY reluctant to pursue any infertility treatments, i kind of dragged him through it, and while i felt a bit bad for doing it, we wouldn't have our daughter had we not done it. you have a lot to discuss with your husband and to think about as well, i hope the two of you can come to a decision that you are both comfortable with.
ReplyDeleteSo much to consider. I think you're taking the right approach. Our husbands are silent warriers in this infertility fight (most times anyway) but they suffer greatly watching us suffer, not to mention the silent grieving my husband has done for all the failures, etc. So taking a step back and really thinking through this and checking your insurance is a smart move. FWIW, I turned 40 last November and decided to move ahead with one last IVF and so far... so good :)
ReplyDeleteOy, I'm sure that was a tough discussion to initiate but it sounds like you both are in the midst of a healthy look at what the next steps should be. Hopefully you can get all the insurance details sorted out and make a decision that you both can be happy with. Best of luck!
ReplyDeleteIf I were a better writer, I could have written this post. DH has similar reasons to not want to go through this again. 4.5 years trying, 3 miscarriages, one miraculous healthy girl to show for it.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I've been the one bearing the brunt of the early mornings and needles and all the rest of it, I think he's been through more emotionally than I know about.
I hope you get some things clarified and can come to some kind of a decision together.
Oh Pie I don't envy this position...I can't imagine how hard it would be to be at different places. I hope you each find clarity and can come to a place of happiness for your family.
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